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Parents Teach Mindfulness by ExampleApril 17, 2025Health & Welbeing / Homepage DisplayBeing a parent isn’t easy. It’s a balancing act trying to meet your children’s needs, managing a household, keeping the family’s finances in check, and also taking care of yourself! Most parents cope by going onto autopilot: acting without thinking, based on instinct. This works really well when completing a task that needs skill, e.g. driving a car, cooking a dinner, or getting up at night to comfort a crying baby.
Children learn from their caregivers in a complex and beautiful way – not just from what they hear us say, but from what they see us do. For example, a child doesn’t think, “Oh, Mom is stressed so she is just focussed on getting the dinner ready”. They might be more likely to think, “Mom tells me off when I try to show her my drawings”. While autopilot helps us to function, it also takes away our ability to notice things that we aren’t expecting.
Mindfulness means paying attention to right now, this moment, and everything that comes with it. Mindful awareness of what’s happening right now can come in the middle of stressful days, like a moment of clarity in between jumping from one thing to another. Paying attention to the present moment offers an opportunity to be free from autopilot, and make new decisions about how to respond to the world around us. If we stop to notice our breathing, our heartbeat, the thoughts racing around our heads—even if we don’t immediately become totally relaxed, the change from reacting to noticing gives us a choice about what we do next.
These skills are extra important for children as they grow up. As their brains develop, children are learning the best way to approach situations that are totally new to them. Often these situations need a maturity that they just don’t have yet parents can demonstrate how to have mindful moments. Children will learn to notice their own emotional responses, to pause for a moment and think, instead of letting “big feelings” run rampage. Mindfulness really means giving ourselves a chance to be surprised. The famous ancient Greek philosopher Heraclitus is thought to have said “No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river, and he’s not the same man.” A mindful moment reminds us that every moment is new, and unique.
So what can we do? Practice mindfulness with your children in a relaxed and focused way. You don’t learn to swim when you are drowning, so you really don’t learn mindfulness when everyone is upset! Try some guided meditation recordings together, maybe before bed. Find gaps in your day to have a mindful moment for yourself, to feel grounded by taking some deep breaths, noticing what is going on around you. Set aside time in your day or your week where you have no goal to complete right now—use this as a moment to share with your children, e.g. going for a walk, or sitting down for a cup of tea (with no background TV or radio). Give your children and the world around you a chance to surprise you.
Top Tips
Guided mindfulness and meditation: there are many online resources we can find online to guide practice. Annaka Harris has a series of guided mindfulness meditations for parents to do with their children, including Mindful Hearing, Mindful Breathing, Mindful Seeing, and a Night-time Meditation. It is highly recommended that parents do these exercises with their children rather than having children do them alone (www.annakaharris.com/mindfulness-for-children/)
Practicing being a mindful parent: introduce pauses and breaks throughout your day. If there is conflict, e.g. a child throwing a tantrum, take a moment to do some deep breathing or counting down from 10 before deciding what is the right consequence for the behaviour you want to change
Introduce phrases that encourage patience: don’t say “no” straight away, try something like “I’ll think about it”. Instead of reacting right now, say “we’ll talk about this after dinner”. Instead of rushing through tasks, plan ahead and involve your children in making that plan, e.g. when setting up chores for the weekend.
Reflect on how you do things: if something is on your mind, e.g. I’m feeling a bit guilty about not letting my toddler have sweets when he wanted them. You might ask someone you trust for feedback, or try writing things down, in a note or in a diary. For us to be mindful of our feelings we have to respect them, and accept them. Give yourself time to learn from mistakes, and remember that this is the only real way to learn something you didn’t already know.
This article was contributed by the Limerick Primary Care Child and Family Psychology Service, a member of Parenting Limerick. [...]
Connecting with your child over the Easter breakApril 10, 2025Homepage Display / Quality TimeThe long Easter Break is now upon us. While children see it as a time to relax, play, sleep and break free from the normal routine, many parents may find it a challenge to juggle childcare, pay for special activities or fill the long days at home. Holidays, however, are important reminders that we all need time to rest, recharge and reconnect. They can be great times to really connect with our children outside of the normal routines of getting ready for school, getting there on time, getting home and doing homework, getting dinner ready and getting to bed. Below are some ideas to ensure that the holidays are relaxing for everyone in the family.
Focus on Family Time. Even if you are working, try to carve out a few days for special family time. The normal rush of activities and schedules will be relaxed, so try to spend that extra time together as a family. This doesn’t need to be elaborate trips away—it could be anything from a day at the beach to a walk and picnic in a local park. It could also be special time at home doing an activity your child really loves—baking together, pottering in the garden, doing some special crafts or even snuggling under a blanket to watch a favourite film. Let you child choose what they want to do and follow their lead
Relish the Boredom. We can all be tempted to overschedule our children and get them involved in lots of activities. Activities can be great for children, but, whatever their age, they have been working hard at school and coping with lots of different pressures. Let them (and yourself!) have some down time to just be
Take some Time for Self– Parents need to take some time to look after themselves, and it is important that children see us doing so. So, carve out some time for yourself to meet up with friends, go to an exercise class, get your hair cut…whatever will help to make you feel relaxed and happy. Encourage your child to do something similar.
Get Active. The longer evenings mean extra time to get out and explore. Being outside can be a great way of connecting with children, and it is great for both our physical and mental health. Take the real or imaginary dog out for a long walk—you’ll get some exercise, have a chance to talk to your child in a relaxed way and you might even reconnect with some of your neighbours after a long winter indoors.
Plan some special meals together. We know that we should be eating meals with our children on a regular basis as it improves family communication and provides an opportunity to set a good example of social, healthy eating for our children. The demands of daily life, however, can mean that a system of grab and go operates in many households. Over the holidays, try to plan and prepare a special meal together. Involve the children in menu planning, shopping and cooking
This article was contributed by a member of Parenting Limerick. [...]
Helping Your Child Manage Big EmotionsMarch 31, 2025Homepage Display / Infants & Babies / Middle Childhood / Pre-School AgeEmotion regulation involves recognising emotions, understanding them, and using helpful strategies to cope effectively, especially in challenging situations. For children, learning to regulate emotions is important for developing social skills, managing frustration, and navigating complex situations. Children experience a range of emotions, from infancy through to adolescence, as they learn to understand themselves and the world around them. Parents and caregivers play an important role in helping children to navigate and manage their emotions.
To understand how children and young people develop the ability to regulate their emotions it is important to consider brain development. The brain undergoes significant development during childhood and this continues into adulthood. Different parts of the brain mature at different rates. The part of the brain that helps control impulses, manage emotions and plan responses is one of the last parts to fully mature. Children and young people can often struggle with impulse control, emotional regulation and understanding consequences. Remember, children are learning to manage big feelings and, like any skill they learn, they need our help and support to do so.
When children experience big emotions they experience physical changes in their bodies and their ability to think is also impacted. Often our tendency, in these moments, is to try to talk to our children, to fix things or problem solve. However, when they are feeling overwhelmed they are not able to do this and might not even be able to process what we say. There will be time for talking and problem solving later, but in the moment of a big emotion what our children need from us is our calming presence to help them understand their emotion and calm their nervous system. Our ability to be present with our children when they experience an emotion will help them, over time, to learn to manage emotions in a helpful way. When we can understand what is happening for our children we can approach emotional outbursts with empathy and support. This is called co-regulation.
Co-regulation is a process where children can develop the ability to manage big emotions and sensations through connection and nurturing with their caregivers. A warm and responsive relationship is the first step to co-regulation. Showing your child affection, taking an interest in them and their interests and ensuring lots of positive time together can all help support the parent-child relationship. Children also need to feel safe and secure in the world, and structure, limits and rules let them know that there is someone in charge and that they are safe. Ensuring consistent and predictable routines and structure is important. Having clear rules, boundaries and expectations, managed in a calm and kind way, is also vital.
Modelling emotions and labelling emotions in your child and others can help them to begin to put language on what they are feeling. It is important to model and practice calming strategies and helpful behaviours for managing emotions (not just during times of a big emotion). When your child does experience a big emotion remember they are having a hard time, respond with patience and empathy, use a calm tone, validate their emotions and set limits on unhelpful behaviours.
To effectively respond to big emotions the caregiver needs to remain calm. Some parents may find it easier to support their child with some emotions over others, and this can be different for each person. Being aware and conscious of what emotions you find harder to deal with can help you to respond to these big feelings in a different way.
Through patience, empathy, and effective guidance, parents play a pivotal role in helping their children develop the emotional regulation skills. By staying attuned to your child’s emotional needs and guiding them through emotional regulation, you help them develop the skills they will need to navigate life’s challenges.
The Primary Care Child and Family Psychology Service are running a free online parenting workshop “Helping your child manage big emotions” on Thursday 10th April 2025 from 10.00am – 11.30am. To attend, contact 087-3451489 to register with the Primary Care Psychology team. Registration closes on Tuesday 8th April at 11.00am.
This article was contributed by the Primary Care Child and Family Psychology Service, a member of Parenting Limerick. [...]
Navigating a Separation: The Impact on TeenagersMarch 27, 2025Separation / TeenagersMany parents who are separating worry about the negative impact on their children. We know from research that the factors that put teenagers most at risk are:
Conflict between parents
Arguments and tension between parents before, during and/or after separation affect teenagers deeply. It leaves them anxious, aggressive or withdrawn, and more likely to develop emotional and behavioural problems.
Repeated disruptions to their lives
This means having to move homes, change schools and lose contact with family members or friends. This might result from several family changes, such as the breakdown of two or more parental relationships and/or adjusting to more than one new step-parent.
Feeling their life is out of control
This happens when teenagers don’t receive adequate explanations or reassurances from parents about the separation or are not involved in decisions that affect them. This can leave them anxious, fearful and confused.
Feeling alone or ‘different’
This can happen if the teenager is isolated and without support inside or outside the family.
Will the separation affect my teenager at school?
When there is upheaval in their life, teenagers may find it very hard to study, do homework, manage extracurricular activities and tend to other responsibilities at home before and after school.
Although your teenager might want to keep your family situation private, it is better to let their school know. Most teachers and guidance counsellors usually understand how difficult family separation is for students.
Talk it over with your child. Ask them if they would like to be involved. Decide together who is the best person at school to talk to.
What if a teenager is let down by a parent?
If your former partner repeatedly misses visits or no longer stays in contact, your child may experience feelings such as loss, guilt, self-blame, sadness and anger. To help your teenager cope, you can:
Continually reassure them that it is not their fault. Nothing they ever said or did caused this to happen.
Reassure them that they still have a family. One parent may not be around, but you are there for them every day. Other family members and trusted friends in your son or daughter’s life can also provide much-needed comfort and understanding.
If there is no contact with the non-resident parent, ensure that your teenager has as much information as possible about their parent. You can use photographs and keepsakes. Suggest that they write down happy memories of their parent in a diary or journal.
Encourage contact with your former partner’s wider family, if this is possible and in your teenage child’s best interests.
What if my former partner’s relatives take sides or criticise me?
Talk to your teenager about it. Let them know that everyone deals with separation differently. Grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins will all have feelings and opinions. But these are their opinions, and it’s okay not to share them.
Try talking to your former partner, or the relative in question, about how this behaviour is making your teenager feel. It’s possible that they might not have realised how their behaviour is affecting your child.
Adapted from “Parenting Positively,” a series of booklets by Barnardos that provides information and guidance to parents of children between the ages of 6 and 12.
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PARENTS REQUIREDMarch 20, 2025Home Life / Homepage DisplayWe often say that parenting is the most important job in the world. And sometimes it can feel like just that – a job! Over the last week we tried to imagine what a recruitment campaign for parents would look like. As you read through it, you may recognise some of the challenges (and rewards) that you face as a parent. It also reminds us how resilient and innovative we can be as we navigate our way through parenthood.
JOB DESCRIPTION
Challenging permanent position in often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent skills and be willing to work variable hours, including weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel, including trips to primitive camp sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away places. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties.
RESPONSIBILITIES
For the rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least until someone needs €5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Must possess physical stamina of pack mule and be able to do go from zero to 100km in 3 seconds in case the screams from the backyard are not just someone crying wolf. Must be willing to face technical challenges such as, small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate multiple homework projects. Must have the ability to organise social gatherings for clients of all ages and outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute and an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of half a million cheap, plastic toys and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, total accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION
Virtually none. You remain in the same position for years, without complaint, constantly retraining and updating your skills so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE
None required. All training on-the-job on a continually exhaustive basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION
You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. Balloon payment when they turn 18 in the hope that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them what is left. Strangely, you actually enjoy this reverse salary scheme and only wish you could do more.
BENEFITS
No health or dental insurance, no pension, no paid holidays. But this job supplies limited opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
This article was contributed by a member of Parenting Limerick. [...]
Parenting in the Digital Age: A Commonsense Approach to Keeping Your Children Safe OnlineMarch 6, 2025Homepage Display / Middle Childhood / TeenagersAs a parent, it can feel like a losing battle trying to keep our kids safe online since even with safeguards in place, porn or extreme violence is just a click away. We can also face relentless pressure from our kids to give them smart devices before we think they’re ready for all that comes with that access.
I know it’s not easy because I’ve faced this pressure myself as the parent of a tween and teenager. I got my daughter a smartphone at 12, but she didn’t get access to any social media until later and in fact I only allowed her to have Snapchat aged 15, despite many arguments around the social isolation from her peers that she would endure. I did it because to my mind, the benefits of Snapchat did not outweigh the risks for a young teen.
It might just be getting a bit easier however. I’m seeing a real shift in recent times with parents coming together to agree to hold off on access to smartphones and in some cases, social media, which has made the conversation with my son more straightforward, since he won’t be the only one in his peer group. I appreciate that it’s not the easiest option in the face of social pressure but, they may thank you for it one day!
Until tech companies are truly held accountable, we as parents must take the lead in educating and talking to our children about inappropriate content they may encounter online, helping them recognise harmful situations, and establishing rules for their online activities. We also need to keep a consistent eye on what they’re seeing and doing online.
Taking an interest in your child’s online life is key to helping us as parents become more involved, and believe it or not, this parental involvement is essential to ensuring a safer online environment for them. Simply asking them what they are doing, watching, or playing online gives us a chance to connect and engage in their online lives to the same extent as their offline lives.
Online Safety Advice
Our Same Rules Apply campaign seeks to support parents in approaching children’s online lives with the same care and supervision that we apply to their offline lives. However, it’s not solely the parents’ responsibility; Big Tech must also be compelled to create safer online spaces for children. The reality is that these spaces were not designed with children in mind and, as a consequence, present risks to children, particularly in relation to inappropriate content and harmful contact.
Always remember that when you give your child access to the online world, you are also giving the online world access to your child.
TOP TIPS FOR PARENTS
ENGAGE AND SUPPORT:
Have regular conversations with your children about what they’re seeing and doing online, including the fun and potentially harmful content or contact they may encounter.
Discuss how people online may not always be who they say they are. Talk to them what to do if contacted by strangers online (people they don’t know offline).
Ensure they know that they can always come to you if they feel upset or scared by something they’ve seen online. Reassure them that speaking up won’t result in losing online privileges, fostering an open channel of communication to protect them from negative experiences.
MAKE RULES:
Put simple rules in place around use and access to smart devices, and stick to them. Avoid any situation where a child or teenager has unsupervised access to their smart devices in their bedroom, especially overnight!
Establish when, where, and how long devices can be used.
Implement device-free mealtimes/zones.
Limit friend/follower lists and agree upon the online activities and games they can access.
Keep devices in open spaces, not unsupervised behind closed doors
Designate a ‘one screen at a time’ rule to avoid multiscreening i.e. watching TV while also playing a game on another device.
Agree as a family to charge devices (mobiles, laptops, tablets, gaming consoles) downstairs overnight to promote healthier habits.
MONITOR AND SUPERVISE:
Before you give your child a smart device, have an agreement that you will regularly and openly check your child’s device and apps. This will help you catch any negative interactions or inappropriate content and contact at an early stage.
Observe changes in mood or behavior that might indicate online issues such as cyberbullying or grooming.
Foster trust and transparency as children grow, balancing privacy, which they will inevitably want more of, with supervision.
DO YOUR RESEARCH:
Stay informed about the apps and games your child uses or wants to use, ensuring they are age-appropriate.
Learn how to enable privacy settings and parental controls, but don’t rely on them alone!
Use resources like Common Sense Media, Webwise, PEGI, and CyberSafeKids for guidance on the dos and don’ts of particular apps, age ratings and reviews of games, as well as other information to support you.
CREATE HEALTHY HABITS:
Model the healthy behaviors you want to see yourself and encourage family digital detoxes.
Focus on the quality of online activities, rather than the quantity of screen time.
Limit passive activities like endless scrolling or mindless gaming.
Promote positive tech use, such as listening to audiobooks, learning, chatting with friends, or enhancing digital skills.
Strive for a balance between online and offline activities.
BUILD OR JOIN A COMMUNITY OF SUPPORT: It is much easier to say ‘no’ or ‘not yet’ to your child if you know that like-minded parents and caregivers in their peer group are doing the same.
This article was written Alex Cooney, CEO of CyberSafeKids, on behalf of Parenting Limerick. For more information about CyberSafeKids’ Same Rules Apply campaign, including practical tips and useful resources in the accompanying Better Digital Parenting guide, can be found at cybersafekids.ie/samerulesapply. [...]
CyberbullyingMarch 3, 2025Homepage Display / TeenagersFor parents, Cyberbullying can be a very difficult problem to navigate with their child. Cyberbullying is a form of bullying that takes place through digital platforms such as social media, messaging apps, and online gaming. Cyberbullying involves using technology to harass, intimidate, or hurt others and can take various forms. Unlike traditional bullying, it can occur at any time, often making it more difficult to escape.
Cyberbullying can occur in many ways. Bullies can send hurtful messages or threats through emails or social media. Exclusion happens when someone is intentionally left out of online groups or activities, making them feel isolated. Bullies sometimes create fake accounts to spread lies or embarrassing content about another person. The sharing of personal information about another personal online without their consent is a form of cyberbullying – this includes the sharing of photos/videos. The term ‘trolling’ is used to describe leaving comments under online posts which are designed to provoke a response or deliberately upset others.
It can be difficult for parents to spot the signs of cyberbullying. Sudden changes in your child’s behaviour, such as withdrawal from online activities, an increased level of anxiety or low mood, low self-esteem or physical complaints like headaches, could be indicators that your child is experiencing cyberbullying. Increased secrecy around their digital devices or reluctance to talk about their online life are also possible signs of cyberbullying.
The emotional impact of cyberbullying can be severe. Victims often experience sadness, anxiety, embarrassment, and even anger. The relentless nature of cyberbullying makes it particularly harmful. Cyberbullying may also be of a public nature which can cause feelings of humiliation and isolation, as others may witness or participate in the bullying. In some cases the emotional impact of cyberbullying can persist long after the bullying itself has stopped.
If you believe your child is being cyberbullied, it’s best to approach them with understanding and reassurance. Let them know they are not at fault, and create a safe space for them to share their experiences. Praise your child for coming to speak to you about the problem. Sometimes that first step of asking for help is a difficult one. Try to stay calm and not overreact. Reassure your child by reminding them that many people have had similar experiences.
The first thing to do is to listen. Listen supportively, try not to interrogate your child. If they come to you looking for help, they have demonstrated trust in you. Be careful not to damage that by losing your cool or taking action that they are uncomfortable with. At the same time you should make it clear that in order to help them you may have to talk with their teachers and the parents of other children involved.
It is best not to reply or engage with the bully. Document the incident taking screenshots or saving messages, which can be useful if further action is needed. Encourage your child to block the bully and report the abuse to the digital platform. It is recommended that you report cyberbullying to the child’s school also. If the bullying persists and if it is considered illegal, you may need to contact the Gardaí for further support.
To prevent cyberbullying, help your child set strong privacy settings on social media and educate them about online safety. Open communication about their digital life is key to creating a supportive environment. Encourage children and teenagers to speak to you if they witness cyberbullying, not only if it affects them. Teaching kindness and respect in both online and offline interactions can also reduce the risk of cyberbullying.
Addressing cyberbullying requires awareness, support, and action. By staying vigilant and proactive, parents can help protect their children from the emotional damage caused by cyberbullying.
This article was written by Claire Bennett, Psychology Assistant with the HSE Primary Care Child and Family Service, Limerick. [...]
The importance of reading with your childFebruary 20, 2025Communication / Homepage DisplayAs parents we try to provide positive experiences that give our children the best start in life. Reading is proven to do just that!
Reading to your child, at any age will boost their brain development, your bonding together, and so much more. Reading to young children is proven to improve cognitive skills and supports the development of your child’s growing brain. Your child’s brain is constantly developing and learning. Reading to your child will keep their young minds constantly working. Cognitive development is the ability to think and understand. It refers to how a person perceives and thinks about his or her world through areas such as information processing, intelligence, reasoning, language development, attention span, and memory. All of this is nurtured and developed through the simple act of reading. Reading allows your child’s imagination to flow, and their confidence within the world to grow. It is a skill that your child will need for life and will benefit them as they progress on into education.
Reading aloud with your child not only has its cognitive and developmental benefits but it also has emotional and social benefits, which are crucial for a young child. A parent reading aloud to their child allows that time to strengthen their bond. It can allow relaxing one on one time away from what could be a very busy day to day life. When it comes to children, one of the most important things you can do to positively influence their development is spend time with them. Developing a positive relationship with your child will carry into relationships they develop throughout their lives. Taking time to read with your child will cultivate this relationship and bond all while creating a love for learning and stimulating their minds through reading.
Books and reading provide an excellent opportunity to get talking, telling stories, and connecting with your child. Reading aloud to children is truly one of the most important activities a parent can do for building skills that are essential for your child and they will carry with them all throughout their life. So snuggle up together and ask your little one to pick their favourite book!
Top tips for interactive reading
While tablets may eventually replace school textbooks, actual books will always have a place, especially with younger children. Read on for some helpful hints for making story time a special part of everyday with your child.
For everybody:
Try to sit where your child can see your face (that’s where the interesting expressions happen) and cuddle up. Enjoy this special time and have fun.
Remember read a bit or talk about the picture and WAIT, wait and watch to see what your child will do next, then RESPOND to what they are interested in.
With babies:
Copy their actions sounds or words. Talk about and feel the pictures. Let them explore the books physically.
With toddlers:
Make comments about what they are interested in. You’ll be amazed what your child sees in the picture that you missed. Grab their attention by putting their name into the story, and watch them glow with delight. Act out as much as you can.
With pre-schoolers:
Bring in the idea of predicting what will happen. Read the name of the story and ask them to guess what it may be about by looking at the cover. Encourage your child to get involved in the story by talking about pictures, characters and feelings. Ask your child questions to get them thinking about what’s happening now and what might happen next or in the end. Label and explain new words to your child.
A quiet time in your day for book reading allows for cuddling and bonding and releases all the powerful happy hormones in your child’s brain which help them learn.
This article was contributed by Family Support Workers with Barnardos, a member of Parenting Limerick. [...]
Supporting Young People with Low MoodFebruary 10, 2025Homepage Display / TeenagersIt is common for young people to experience episodes of feeling down as they go through childhood and adolescence. Typical mood issues that young people experience tend to be short term and can be managed with the understanding and support of their parent/carers. A young person may feel down because of a loss, adjusting to change, difficulties with peers or struggling with schoolwork. It is also possible to feel low without a clear reason. While everyone feels sad from time to time, having a persistent low mood for two weeks or longer may be a sign that some support is needed.
Low mood can impact how we feel, think and behave. The first emotion we may associate with low mood is sadness, but it can also make us feel less confident, empty and unmotivated. For children and young people, low mood can sometimes be miscued as anger or irritability, and you may notice that they are grumpy a lot of the time. Experiencing low mood can make us think in a negative way about ourselves, others, the world in general and the future. For example, we may be overly self-critical, think that people don’t like us, and that the “worst-case scenario” will happen. We’re also more susceptible to believing these negative thoughts are factual when feeling down. Low mood can drain our energy, meaning we feel more tired and unmotivated than normal. Sleep and appetite can also be impacted, i.e., sleeping or eating too much or too little. Having low mood impacts how we behave. As a result of feeling tired and unmotivated we may stop doing the things we normally do and isolate ourselves from others. For example, you may notice your child no longer wishes to spend time with friends and family, start to fall behind on schoolwork, or lose interest in the pastimes they would normally enjoy.
Lack of activity often goes hand in hand with low mood and sets off a vicious cycle. Once our normal life tasks and responsibilities have fallen to the wayside, we begin to experience a new set of problems. For example, if a young person is feeling too low to complete their schoolwork, they may soon feel overwhelmed at the thought of trying to catch up, causing significant stress and worsening mood. A young person may also not want to go out anymore and avoid hanging out with their friends, which in turn may cause loneliness and isolation. Furthermore, they may lose interest in their hobbies and drop out of clubs or other extra-curricular activities. These young people are missing out on the fulfilment and enjoyment of activities that can provide distraction from negative thoughts and help them feel happier.
Caregivers often have questions about how to best support a child who is experiencing low mood. To help answer these questions, the Primary Care Child and Family Psychology Service are running a free webinar titled “Supporting a Child or Young Person with Low Mood” on Thursday 20th February 2025 at 10am. To attend, contact 087-3451489 to register with the Primary Care Psychology team. Registration closes on 18th February at 11.00am.
This article was written by Colleen Burke, Trainee Clinical Psychologist, with the HSE Primary Care Child and Family Service, Limerick. This service is a member of Parenting Limerick, a network of parenting and family support services across Limerick city and county.
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Online Gambling HarmsFebruary 6, 2025Teenagers“I really wish there had been a warning that gambling was addictive” – Hannah. These are the words of a young woman who became addicted to online gambling. What started out as ‘fun’ online pastime for Hannah quickly spiralled out of control and into an addiction that left her anxious, depressed and in debt.
It may be hard to believe but children as young as 12 and 13 are receiving treatment for Gambling Addiction in the UK. The Health Service in the UK have opened and continue to open gambling clinics aimed at treating 13 – 25 year olds following a record number of referrals for treatment.
Whilst there are no figures available for child gambling in Ireland a 2021 study of gambling trends in Ireland reported a significant increase in gambling across all age groups with the biggest increase seen in young people, particularly males, including young people under 18.
Online and TV advertising coupled with easy access to gambling is driving this increase.
The gambling industry spends millions advertising their products. They do this because the advertising works. Young people are subjected to an onslaught of gambling advertisements on TV, online and social media for both sports based gambling and casino gambling. All that’s needed for them to take part is a smartphone and an internet connection. Nowadays the ‘bookies’ is available in your pocket 24 hours a day.
Research has shown that children who are introduced to and begin gambling as a young teenage are four times more likely to develop a gambling problem.
Young people are introduced to gambling in ways we may not be unaware of, for example, through the purchasing of ‘loot’ boxes in video games. Children experience the same emotions that a gambler does when purchasing the loot boxes – the anticipation of the purchase, the highs or lows that follow depending on what’s in the box and the desire to spend more and more to get what they want, the cycle continues. There is no skill involved and the outcome is random, similar, in ways, to scratch cards or casino spins. There are published studies that show a link between loot box spending and problem gambling.
Social media platforms including Facebook provide casino style games such as virtual slot machines and poker games. Because the money involved is virtual there are no age restrictions so children of any age can play and learn the rules and habits of gambling. These games will provide more ‘wins’ than real life casino games and are widely considered to be a gateway to real money gambling.
It’s impossible to prevent young people from being exposed to the world of gambling but we can educate them on what gambling is and the harms associated with problem gambling. Have a look at our top tips and start a conversation at home about the world of gambling and its potential harms. Once you start the conversation you can let your children know that gambling is addictive and carries the same risks to a person’s wellbeing as a drug and alcohol addiction does. The gambling industry exists because it makes money, not the gambler.
This article was contributed by a member of Parenting Limerick. [...]
How to Manage children’s Anger?January 30, 2025Health & Welbeing / Homepage DisplayPreviously, we looked at how to help your child to manage stress (click here for article). Now, we look at another big emotion that can overwhelm all of us from time to time and leave us feeling out of control: Anger.
Anger is a natural emotion that is meant to alert and energise us when there is a need to change a harmful situation. Anger can trigger a necessary response to a negative situation. If we let anger get out of control, however, it can damage our health, our relationships and those around us.
Modelling positive responses is so important in teaching our children how to manage their anger. If we fly off the handle, they will learn that this is okay. If we step outside of the situation, take some calming breaths and wait until we have calmed down to react, they will learn to do this too.
Our anger responses are learned behaviours. We can change them, but it takes some effort and time. Below are some ways to help deal more effectively with anger. It is really helpful to write things down what triggers us, how we feel and how we react. This can also be adapted to help children to recognise their own triggers and name their own emotions.
What Triggers the Anger? Write down those things that cause you to become angry. These might be external triggers (what others do) or internal triggers (what you say to our self or how you interpret an event)
Notice your body’s responses. Notice and write down your body’s response to anger producing situations. You might feel flushed or hot; have a pounding heart; a knot in your stomach; start grinding your teeth; have sweaty palms; you might clench your fists or tense your muscles; your breathing may become rapid, etc.
Use Anger Reducers. Notice and write down what helps to relieve the tension in your body and reduce your anger. It might be things like taking calming breaths, counting backwards; taking a walk; thinking of calm, pleasant images; conscious relaxing of your muscles; or thinking through your responses—what would happen if I lose control? Why am I getting so angry? Is it worth it?
Try Using Reminders. Write down words and phrases to help “cool” and refocus your thoughts. Use problem solving or questioning thoughts (“How can I solve this peacefully?”; “Why am I getting angry? What’s behind this?”). Try control and escape thoughts (“I can walk away” or “I can take some time out”) or forward-looking thoughts (“What will happen if I let myself get angry?”) Praise yourself (“Good! I’m not yelling. I’m staying calm)
Reflect on your Response. Write this down and think about your response to a situation that made you angry. What did you do? How did you feel? Were your grievances real or imagined? Did selfishness or jealousy feed your anger? Did your own thoughts feed the anger? What we the consequences? What did you do well? What could you do better next time?
Remember that trying to change behaviour and teaching your child these skills is not easy—it takes time and patience. No one handles every situation perfectly so remember to be kind and forgiving to yourself and your child.
This article was contributed by a member of Parenting Limerick. [...]
The 20 Second Hug!January 23, 2025Homepage Display / Quality TimeTusla – Child and Family Agency, in conjunction with Limerick Parenting Support Champions and Parenting Limerick last week launched The 20 Second Hug & More: Quick Reads for Parents. The book is a collection of parenting support articles that previously in the Limerick Leader’s Positive Parenting Feature. Covering topics which include family wellbeing, communicating with your teen about their life and feelings, and tips for parental self-care it will provide parents with high quality advice and support. This is the first article in the series.
Dictionaries define the word hug as holding another person close for affection, comfort and warmth and aren’t these all such lovely words. Even saying these words bring with it an inner glow that we all need. Perhaps one of the things that we miss the most is physical contact with those we love and care about. We miss the freedom we had to hug people. This means that the hugs and cuddles we can have within our households, particularly with our children, have become more important than ever. As children move back to school and our time together is somewhat less, it is vital that we continue spending some cuddling, snuggly hug time together. Did you know that the US has a national cuddling day every year? While it is great that cuddling gets a day of recognition it is important that we make time for hugging our children every day. As well as being a very enjoyable thing to do, hugging your child is of real benefit.
Every hug and physical touch counts however hugs that last for 20 seconds or longer are the ones that can be the most powerful. We are so used to the 20 second hand washing rule that 20 second hugs will be easy to time! Apart from being a really enjoyable activity, these longer hugs have been scientifically proven to have physical effects on our bodies. Hugs and cuddles trigger the release of the hormone oxytocin, which is also known as the feel good or love hormone. The effect of oxytocin on our bodies is complicated but its release in our brains aids physical development from a young age. Firm hugs stimulate the pressure receptors in our skin and this sends a message to the vagus nerve in our brains. This nerve plays a big part in slowing down our heart rate and blood pressure so combined with the feel good hormone; hugs help us calm down and relax.
Hugs also have an impact on our stress hormone cortisol, reducing it and at the same time stimulating our bodies to release serotonin which helps us deal with pain. This is why you can feel an immediate relief from stress and pain when you are embraced in a hug. And why our children come running into our arms when they are distressed and you automatically surround them with your arms and draw them into a loving embrace. Reduced blood pressure and lower stress levels are beneficial to the health of our hearts, to helping our bodies fight infection and to relieving pain. Who would have thought that a 20 second hug could be part of our daily fitness routine!
Hugs helps build and maintain the connection between you and your child communicating your love and helping children feel secure and safe. Hugs tell your child that you love them and that you are there for them and not a single word is needed! Start the day by giving your child a hug and always have a bedtime hug as the calming effect will help sleep. Remember to hug yourself. Did you realise that giving yourself a hug is beneficial, safe and comforting. Wrap your arms around yourself, hug tightly, and tell yourself that you love YOU!
When children are very small we have ample time for cuddling and hugging as they are often in our arms or on our lap. As children become older and naturally move a little further away from us, going to school or out to play, we may not get the same opportunity for hugs. We have to create the opportunities for closeness. Try to make time in the day for cuddling and hugging. Remember it is not the quantity that counts but the quality. Think about adding hugs and cuddles to activities you are already doing. When watching TV, snuggle up close and put your arms around your child. Cuddle in together to read a book. While it is tempting not to interrupt you child when they are doing their homework, reach out and give a hug as you walk past. It will not disturb them but let them know you love and care for them.
Teenagers can shy away from your physical attention or think it is not cool! This is normal teen development. Respect their feeling and continue to hug your teens but perhaps not in public or in front of their friends!
Hugs give immediate joy and comfort and have significant impact on health, now and later in life. Few things cost so little and provide so much. Cuddles and hugs are good for you and your child so stop what you are doing right now and reach out and hug your child.
To download The 20 Second Hug & More: Quick Reads for Parents go to: www.tusla.ie/uploads/content/The_20_Second_Hug.pdf
This article was contributed by Tusla PPFS, a member of Parenting Limerick. Parenting Limerick is a network of parenting and family support organisations [...]
Understanding School-based AnxietyJanuary 8, 2025Back to School / Homepage Display / Middle Childhood / TeenagersSchool is fundamental to maximising children’s potential and their ability to pursue new opportunities. Despite the many positive and rewarding outcomes of attending school, however, the prevalence of school-based anxiety and subsequent effects on school attendance remains high in Ireland. School-based anxiety is common among many children and young people, and can be experienced for a variety of reasons such as academic difficulties, social expectations, difficult relationships with peers and/or teachers, and so on. Parents and caregivers can often be faced with the dilemma of supporting their child’s wellbeing, while at the same time experiencing pressure to enforce attendance to maximise academic attainment.
School-based anxiety can present in a variety of ways for children. Some children may exhibit externalising behaviours, which are behaviours that can be observed. These can often be perceived as ‘unfavourable’ behaviours, such as aggressive or ‘defiant’ behaviour. On the other hand, some children can have internalising behaviours, which are behaviours that are directed inwards toward oneself, and reflects the child’s inner world of thoughts and emotions. Internalising behaviours can often be more difficult to notice and identify, and can include worry, rumination and social withdrawal. It is important to try to notice any patterns in your child’s behaviours. Much of this anxiety and related behaviours are typically more prevalent on weekday mornings or Sunday nights with the build-up ahead of school.
Why are some children and adolescents more likely to feel anxious?
There is really never one single cause as to why a child feels anxious. Some children are naturally more sensitive to emotions than others, similar to how some children are more sensitive to pollen in the air! These characteristics can sometimes be inherited genetic traits, or can be a symptom of different life events and experiences that have caused the child’s threat response in the brain to be more alert. Children also tend to look to their caregivers for clues on how to judge whether a situation is safe or not and can pick up on parents’ own sense of fear and anxiety in certain situations.
While worries are part of life and learning to deal with these challenges is important, sometimes these school-related worries can get so big, that they can lead to the child avoiding school altogether – and this can be a difficult cycle to break. As children’s brains are still developing during school-age, it is much more difficult for them to manage their anxiety and to regulate themselves when they experience an intense emotion. Therefore, children and young people benefit hugely from supportive adults in their life, who have a deeper understanding of their behaviour (internalising or externalising), and recognise the underlying emotional need. For example, noticing that your child has more frequent outbursts on Sunday evenings, and recognising this as potential anxiety about school on Monday. Children will benefit from their caregivers co-regulating with them during times of difficulty by providing them with opportunities to express their emotions and to feel heard and validated. After co-regulation, when your child becomes calm, you can then look to problem solve with your child.
Top Tips
Being With
Before jumping straight into problem-solving, it is important that you first ‘Be With’ your child when they are feeling anxious. This simply means co-regulating your child and allowing them to experience the difficult feeling in the safety of your presence. This might look like soothing them with cuddles, practicing breathing techniques, or giving them some space, depending on their preference. The main point is to communicate that you are there to support them with this difficult feeling and you will both get through it together.
Getting to the Root of the Anxiety
It is important to understand what is causing the anxiety for your child in order to support them most effectively.
Rational anxiety: If there is something causing your child difficulties in school, it is essential to address the underlying problem with the school and take practical steps to reduce the threat, for example, meeting with the teacher to discuss your child’s expressed academic struggles or experience of bullying.
Irrational anxiety: If there is no identifiable threat to your child in school, you can support them to challenge their unhelpful thoughts. After they express their thoughts or concerns, help them to figure out if this is a fact or a feeling for example, ‘I’m worried that my classmates don’t like me’. Encourage your child to look for evidence to show that their thought may not be 100% true, for example, ‘The girls at my table talk to me every day’, and praise them for every effort made to combat their fear.
Emotional Regulation
Practice relaxation techniques such as deep breathing or grounding exercises with your child on a regular basis. It is best to try to teach and re-enforce these skills with your child when you are both feeling calm. This will make them more accessible to you and your child at times when they are feeling anxious.
Graded Exposure
Your child may not feel ready to return to school straight away or may still experience some anxiety at the school gate. You can support them to return to school by developing a graded exposure plan, i.e., taking small steps to reach a bigger goal. This may mean starting with going to school for one hour per day, and gradually expanding into the full day.
For further guidance on school attendance issues, go to the resources page of www.limerickservices.ie and download “Working with your Child to Address School Avoidance”.
This article was written by Miranda Comar, Psychology Assistant and Aimee Walsh, Clinical Psychologist, with the Primary Care Child and Family Psychology Service, , Limerick. This service is a member of Parenting Limerick, a network of parenting and family support services across Limerick city and county. [...]
Christmas Fun for all the FamilyDecember 19, 2024Homepage Display / Quality TimeThe countdown continues, and a few days (or weeks) off loom in the near distance. While we all look forward to the down time when we don’t have to rush around and the normal routine of school lunches, homework and activities eases, it can be challenging, not to mention expensive, to keep everyone happy and relaxed over the holiday period. There are lots of events and activities around Limerick City and County that are low or no cost. Planning a few special trips out can be a great way of spending time together as a family; exploring something or somewhere new will give you special shared memories and lots to talk and laugh about.
Below are just a few ideas. For more information on events that are happening around Limerick, see www.limerick.ie/christmas
Plan a special day in the city centre or your local town centre. This does not have to be a shopping trip (and will probably be much more enjoyable if you keep shopping to a minimum!). Take a long stroll, listen to the music, marvel at the lights and soak up the atmosphere. A hot chocolate in a cosy café or a trip to the local playground can make it even more special. Check to see if there are any music performances in the area—most children really connect to music
Visit a local Christmas Craft Fair. Many schools and community centres hold Christmas craft fairs. These can be a great way of connecting in to your local community, meeting old neighbours and acquaintances and picking up a few last minute hand-made gifts. Children get a chance to see themselves as part of a wider community of people, which is great for giving them a strong sense of belonging
Take a late night drive or stroll to see the lights. We know that children thrive on routine, but many of them also love a change and doing something unusual as a family. So, one night, after dinner, why not hop in the car and drive around your area or pull on the boots and go for an evening walk to see the lovely light displays (both public and private)? Back at home, indulge in a special Christmassy treat
Visit a local attraction. Whether it is King John’s Castle, Lough Gur, the Foynes Flying Boat Museum and many others in between, there are lots of interesting places on our doorstep. While some of these may cost, look out for special offers and pack a picnic lunch to keep costs down. A winter picnic with a hot flask of tea to keep hands warm can be great fun
Pyjamas Days. One of the great luxuries of the holidays is having at least a day or two days where you don’t have to do anything or go anywhere. Even the most devoted sloth, however, might get a bit restless after days of doing absolutely nothing, so have a couple of low-key activities ready for those lazy days. Baking something special, doing a nice craft or having a family game evening can keep you all relaxed and entertained.
This article was contributed by a member of Parenting Limerick. Parenting Limerick is a network of parenting and family support organisations. For more information on this and other topics go to www.loveparenting.ie. [...]
A Stress Free Christmas?December 17, 2024Home Life / Homepage DisplayThe anticipation of Christmas is now at its peak—many of us are running around with the tick, tick, tick of to do lists in our head. We are swamped with advertising, and our children are starting to become overwhelmed by the excitement of it all. It is the season of giving, of hope, of drawing close to our nearest and dearest. In the run up to that, however, it can seem like the season of I want, I want, I want and for parents the season of I just can’t do enough. We want it to be perfect, to be magical, but that can create a huge amount of pressure that even the most accomplished of list tickers can’t achieve.
While every parent loves to see their child’s delight as they open the perfect gift, it’s important that we make sure we take some time to focus on the deeper meaning behind the holidays. This will help protect the family’s sanity (and bank balance) and give children the chance to develop important traits such as compassion and generosity.
Manage Your Child’s Expectations from the Start
Make sure that your child knows that a Santa list is a wish list—it doesn’t mean that Santa will bring them everything. Start a conversation about what your child really wants and why—this will help them figure out those things that are important to them.
Involve Your Child in Choosing Gifts and Making Cards for Special People
Creating something special or choosing a thoughtful gift gives children the chance to experience the real happiness that giving can bring. Talk to your child about what would please people in their lives and how much fun it will be to surprise them with something special.
Let Your Child Give Something Back
Whether this is giving money to charity, participating in a toy appeal, visiting neighbours or giving your time to support a good cause, let your child understand that they are part of a wider family and community and that they have important contributions to make.
Create Traditions Together
We all have an image in our head of what a perfect Christmas should be like—often, these images are very similar to the ones in the ads on television. Try to develop some traditions that are special to you and your family, whether it’s an evening family walk to admire the lights, a special breakfast you must have every year or a silly game you all play after dinner. Let your child contribute to this and it will be all the more special. [...]
Promoting positive emotional and psychological well-beingNovember 28, 2024Health & Welbeing / Homepage DisplaySometimes, as parents we just don’t know where to turn when it comes to supporting our children, teens, or even ourselves with anxiety and low moods. It can be difficult to know where to turn. In Limerick we do have a range of community and HSE services that can work with children, young people and parents across mild, moderate and severe psychological challenges. For more information about the services available in your area go to www.limerickservices.ie.
To enhance these services, Primary Care Child and Family Psychology Service Limerick, has created a Bibliotherapy resource with a focus on supporting children, adolescents, parents and families. When young people are dealing with psychological difficulties such as anxiety or low mood; or if they are facing difficult life experiences such as loss and grief or bullying, it can be challenging for them to make sense of what is happening and challenging for parents and caregivers to know how to best support them.
Bibliotherapy is an established and evidence based method using books and stories to encourage positive emotional and psychological well-being. The use of literature to promote positive mental health has been used for many years and is recommended by the National Institute of Health and Clinical Excellence (NICE) UK as a helpful early intervention in the treatment of mild to moderate anxiety and depression amongst other mental health conditions. Bibliotherapy offers adults, young people, parents, and caregivers’ helpful resource suggestions to better understand and manage emotional challenges.
Bibliotherapy can offer suggestion, guidance and direction in these situations. For children in particular, reading a story about a similar situation that they find themselves in can increase their self-awareness, help them to learn from the experience of others and can provide them with new ideas and solutions in their own lives. Some of the books included will also provide practical techniques and strategies.
The primary goal of the Primary Care Psychology Bibliotherapy resource is to provide a list of books that can offer a deeper understanding of a particular difficulty, and offer self-help and useful supports to parents/ caregivers, children and professionals. The Bibliotherapy has been curated by professionals in the field of psychology and each book has been specially chosen to help deal with the relevant topic. It is intended as a conversation starter and should be used to open up communication between caregivers and young people. The guide is organised by topic and each topic is then subdivided for the target audience (parents, children, adolescents). Each book is accompanied by a brief description of the book and photograph of the cover.
All of the books included in the resource can be accessed through Limerick Libraries, or through your local library. The first pages of the Bibliotherapy give more detailed information about how to join your local library. You can join the library and borrow books free of charge. Some of the books included in the Bibliotherapy are available through Limerick Libraries in Ebook or Audiobook format. These books will have the appropriate interactive symbol listed beside the description. If the book you are looking for is already on loan or is not available in the particular library you visit, you can speak to library staff in order to request a copy or to borrow the book from another library.
The Bibliotherapy resource is available on the HSE website and can be easily found by googling “HSE Limerick bibliotherapy”.
This article was written by HSE Mid West Primary Care Child and Family Psychology Service, St. This service is a member of Parenting Limerick. [...]
Child Development through PlayNovember 21, 2024Homepage Display / Middle ChildhoodChildren are born with a natural desire to play and explore. It is through this important “work” that they develop skills and learn about the world around them. As a parent you play the most important role in helping and encouraging your child’s play and exploration. Play is crucial to brain development andsupports the development of attention, concentration, motor skills, social skills and language. Play also helps to buildchildren’s resilience. Resilient children have a more secure and positive view of themselves and the world, as well as more adaptive coping skills when faced with stress and challenges. Play is a key feature in helping children learn about emotions as well as how to manage them. Young children cannot regulate their own emotions and so they rely on parents to co-regulate with them. This can be done duringplay when a child gets big emotions e.g. anger, or frustration. A parent that models a calm emotion-regulating response during this time is teaching their child to understand, accept and manage these big emotions.
Play provides space to develop a secure parent-child relationship which is essential to early development. Children respond best when their parent is fully engaged with them. Being fully engaged with your child means avoiding distractions particularly your mobile phone, and being fully attentive to them. Sit facing your child when you play and make eye contact. Your child loves to see your face and your emotions reactions. Follow their lead and their interests; be curious about what they are doing and incorporate nurturing touch such as hugs, a rub on the back or a special handshake. Talk to your child using simple language during play. This shows them that you are interest and tuned into what they are doing and such narrative is important for the development oflanguage skills.
The need to play and communicate begins at birth andcontinues right through life. A baby that is smiling, gigglingand looking at their parents’ face is playing and learning. Play changes as the child grows and looks different at different ages and stages. Between the ages of 0 and 4, sensory andmessy play allows the child to explore using touch, sight, smells and sounds. Messy play is not always the easiest for parents but it is incredibly important for eye-hand coordination and motor skills. Tough as it may seem, try to grin and bear the play-doh, paints, gloop, magic sand etc. and tackle the mess later when the valuable learning experience is over.
Around the age of 4 or 5 years, narrative play takes centre stage. Children use stories and characters, like the princess or superhero, to explore and retell scenarios. They may use their imagination to immerse themselves in the story. Role play allows children to take on roles they see in everyday life;mum, dad, teacher, doctor etc. All of these types of narrativeplay encourage children to think about and consider othersperspectives. They encourage the exploration of cause and effect as well as problem solving and the development of empathy.
As children get older they develop more independence in their play. They enjoy social play with peers and going to friends’ houses. With this play, they are learning to understand and adjust to social norms and rules, co-operate and negotiate with others, as well as developing their listening, communication and problem-solving skills. Although independence should be supported, children will still seek out parental involvement and support at times. Be ready when called on!
This article was written by Elisha Minihan, Psychology Assistant with HSE Primary Care Child and Family Psychology Service. The Child and Family Psychology Service are members of Parenting Limerick. [...]
Keeping Your Cool when Things Heat up at HomeNovember 11, 2024Home Life / Homepage DisplayWe all have those perfect family moments in our minds—the relaxed dinners where everyone shares the highs and lows of their day; the long country walks full of laughter and rosy cheeks; the cosy movie nights cuddled up on the couch. But, the reality of day to day life can sometimes be quite different. Early mornings, hectic family schedules, traffic delays, colds and flus, financial worries and the normal stresses and strains of growing up, can mean those lovely moments can quickly become fraught with tension, and we can all teeter on the edge of losing our temper.
This can also happen to our children who have to manage early mornings, long days at schools, lots of social interactions and activities and sometimes the pressure of holding it all together. When they finally get home and in to a safe space, they may find they need to let the stress and strain out somehow.
So, in a family, where everyone might be feeling some stress after busy days, it’s easy to see how the whole enterprise can unravel: tempers flare and your simple evening is full of stress; the homework is not done; the dinner is not cooked and you cannot even imagine how you will ever get them to bed.
Below are a few ways to get your evenings back on track when the strains of the day threaten to derail them.
Tune it to your own feelings.
Learn to recognise your own emotions and the signs that you are starting to feel really stressed. Think about what causes you stress-is it the pressure to get the dinner on the table? Is it your children arguing or whinging? Is it other stresses of work, finances or extended family are having a really negative effect on you?
Find ways to manage them.
If the rush in the evening is causing the stress, try to find some practical ways to reduce it. Can you meal plan, so making dinner is a matter of simply reheating on some days? Can the children help you with some of the preparation?
If you are under other stress from family members, finances or other worries, think about how you can take practical steps to address them. Even writing down a plan can help relieve some of the worry and give you space to focus on positive time with your family.
Tune in to the feelings of your children and other family members.
We have all let our own bad moods or bad feelings affect how we view another’s actions or words. Try to remember, however, that children are rarely trying to anger or annoy us on purpose. Usually, when they are upset, angry, irritable or defiant, it is because they are trying to tell us something or expressing a need.
Try to tune in to your child and learn when they are most likely to have these negative feelings. Does your child need to run around outside before they can focus on their homework? Do they need some quiet time alone? Are they worried or anxious about an upcoming test or an issue with friends?
Instead of reacting, take a deep breath, think about what they might be feeling and why, and calmly speak to them. They may not immediately respond, but know that staying with them in a calm and loving way will help them to manage their feelings.
Forgive and Restore
No parent or child is perfect. If you find that things do go wrong, be kind to yourself and your children. Give them a kiss goodnight; tell them you love them; forgive yourself and try again tomorrow.
This article was contributed by a member of Parenting Limerick. [...]
Explaining Big Issues to Not-So-Big PeopleNovember 11, 2024Home Life / Homepage DisplayCurrent news items don’t make for easy listening or reading. The cost of living crisis is still being felt and a very real issue for many families. The housing crisis and child homelessness continues to be an issue that pervades Irish society, and the wars in Ukraine, Gaza and elsewhere in the world seem to punctuate daily news. It is hard for us, as adults, to hear what seems like constant bad news but what makes it seem harder is the need to protect our children from it. One minute you’re in your car, singing along to your child’s favourite song. Then the news comes on and you’re fiddling with buttons at break-neck speed, trying to change radio station before the dreaded questions start coming from the back seat. ‘Mommy, why did that man have to go prison?’ Why is somebody missing, where did he go?’ While we all handle these situations and lines of questioning differently, there are a couple of things that are worth bearing in mind.
Try to answer questions in a way that is age and stage appropriate. A child of five, for example, needs surface information. Enough to feel that her question is being answered but not so much that it will scare her. Take, for example, the question about prison. You could begin by explaining that there are rules, maybe taking school as an example. Talk about how most people follow those rules but there are some (just a few) who don’t. When that happens, a judge has to decide what kind of time-out to give that person and sometimes, that time-out means having to stay in prison for a while. At five, this will generally satisfy her curiosity and additional questions might focus on the prison itself – what colour are the walls, what do people in there eat etc. For an older child of eight or nine, their focus will generally lean more towards the crime itself and this can be trickier. You may find that you have to offer quite a bit of reassurance around how rare these events are and assure her that your job is always to keep her safe. For teenagers, it provides an opportunity to take about and cause and effect, a reminder of how one poor decision can have lifelong consequences and of the importance of personal safety.
Don’t forget to line up your stories. There’s nothing worse than going to great lengths to find a suitable explanation for a question, only to hear ‘well Grandad said that man hurt the other man and then he died’. Talk to your partner, childminder and parents about how much information your child needs for their particular age so that you are all singing from the same hymn sheet. This is particularly useful when the birds and the bees conversations begin!
Bear in mind that you can’t shield your children from everything. Newspaper headlines in shops are largely unavoidable, as is the information available on social media (for older children). What you can do is let them know that they can always ask you questions, share their worries or fear with you and talk to you about things that they might hear and don’t understand. Google or Alexa might answer some of their questions, but they can’t climb into bed beside your child when she has a nightmare or is unwell.
This article was contributed by a member of Parenting Limerick. [...]
Supporting Your Child’s Sensory NeedsOctober 31, 2024Home Life / Homepage DisplayWhat is Sensory Processing?
Sensory processing is the ability to take in, sort out and make use of information from our environment. All activities in life involve the processing of sensory information. Information is received through all our senses, including vision, hearing, touch, taste and smell. Sensory processing also includes our movement and balance, our awareness of our body and its location as well as our awareness of our inner body cues.
We all have sensory preferences. Individuals can be over-responsive or under responsive to sensory information. Whether a child is over-responsive and/or under responsive to sensory input, the primary goal is to support and accommodate their sensory needs within their environment to promote their participation in daily activities. Failing to recognise and support these needs is likely to impact on learning emotions and behaviour.
Understanding Your Child’s Sensory and Emotional Needs
Behaviour is how a person reacts in response to things happening inside them (thoughts or feelings) and outside of them (their environment). As adults we often have the ability to tell others if something is bothering us or to identify and communicate if we have a specific need. Children are still developing the capacity to effectively identify and verbalise their needs. As such their communication is often done through their behaviour. As parents, sometimes our child’s behaviour can be confusing to us, making it difficult to see the underlying need, and this can be challenging.
Sometimes a child’s behaviour may be indicating an emotional need (for example overwhelm, anxiety, sadness, anger, happiness, a need for connection) or a physical need (for example hunger, tiredness, illness). Other times their behaviours may be letting us know that they are under or over responsive to sensory information in their environment. For example, you may observe a pattern where your child’s behaviour and emotions become dysregulated in environments where there is a lot of noise and bright lights or strong smells. This is not always easy to figure out but when we do so it allows us to identify the child’s sensory preferences and therefore support their sensory needs.
Supporting Your Child’s Sensory and Emotional Needs
Ensuring a good routine to support adequate sleep as well as a good diet and exercise help support physical wellbeing. Providing time for fun, connection and play with parents and others can fill their emotional cups. Ensuring that there are rules and boundaries that are clear and enforced with warmth and love are also important factors in helping children feel safe.
When we can step back, give ourselves space and time to calm and think about our child’s behaviour, then we can begin to come up with possible reasons to understand why it is happening. This can help us be more understanding and empathetic. We can help our children learn to identify and manage their own emotions by repeatedly providing them with co-regulation. Co-regulation is a warm and responsive interaction where parents help label and validate their child’s emotions by connecting with them and soothing their distress. We need to maintain boundaries, but we can also help with the difficult feelings that come with the upsets and challenges of life. The trickiest part of this can be recognising our own emotions and ensuring we stay calm and can respond and support our children in a warm and kind way.
Top Tips
Fill your child’s cup. Children need their ‘emotional cups’ filled daily, meaning they need to receive sufficient amounts of attention, affection, and security. When their cup is empty, children can be more prone to experiencing difficulties with their emotions and behaviours. It is important to incorporate daily, uninterrupted, one-to-one time together, where you follow your child’s lead, allowing them to choose what they would like to do or talk about with you.
Manage your own emotions. When your child becomes overwhelmed, has big feelings or becomes dysregulated from the sensory input from their environment, it is important to try to manage your own emotions and stay calm. Check in with yourself, and notice how you are currently feeling, before responding to your child. Being aware of these things, help you to tune into your child’s behaviours and understand the need they are trying to communicate with you.
Parental self-care. Parental self-care is vital to ensure that parents are best equipped to respond effectively to their child. When we don’t understand our child’s behaviour it can be difficult, and so it is important that parents ensure their own needs are being met. You can’t pour from an empty cup!
Identify appropriate supports. If your child’s behaviour is communicating some sensory needs or preferences, then you can put certain supports in place to help them get through their day. For children who experience hypersensitivity, one must consider sensory input from the child’s environment and how accommodations can be put in place to support the child, for example, creating a calm space to help them to regulate and lower their arousal from the overwhelming sensory input from their environment. For children with hyposensitivity, items like fidget toys, heavy work activities and visual timers can be helpful. It is important to keep in mind that each child is an individual, some trial and error may be required and there is no one size fits all strategy.
Link with your GP: If your child is presenting with sensory needs and behaviours that are impacting on daily functioning, you and your child may benefit from professional support. Speak with your GP, who will be able to sign-post you to the most appropriate support.
This article was contributed by Written by Miranda Comar, Psychology Assistant (Primary Care Child and Family Psychology Service, St Camillus’ Hospital), in conjunction with Senior Occupational Therapists Eimear Goulding (Barrack View Primary Care Centre), and Stephanie Van Haaren (Croom Primary Care Centre) on behalf of Parenting Limerick. [...]
How to help your young child adjust to the clocks going backOctober 22, 2024Homepage Display / Quality Time‘Spring forward and fall back’ is always welcome in the Autumn when that extra hour in bed for one Sunday morning is worth its weight in gold…unless you’re a parent of young children. This Sunday 27th October, the clocks with go back an hour. Dawn wake-ups are barely manageable in the summer even though the light makes it feel that the day has started. Starting your day at 5.30am on dark, windy October mornings is just cruel. It’s a double whammy of injustice when you don’t have the luxury of making yourself a coffee for fear that the noise of the kettle or machine will wake the other (sleeping for now) child. When you’re having lunch at 11am and longing to crawl into your bed by 4pm, maybe it’s time to tweak bedtime routines.
Babies and toddlers thrive on routine. The hour change can affect their little circadian rhythms for anything up to two weeks and they need a little help with that adjustment. From Sunday morning you’ll probably find that your baby or toddler wants to go to bed at what is now an hour earlier. Logically then, they are waking an hour earlier. Anybody with an over-tired, over-wrought little one who wants to sleep at tea-time knows that this is dangerous territory. If they nap, they won’t go down for the night until all hours and if they don’t, you may both end up howling from exhaustion!
To minimise the impact on routine, the easiest solution may be to stretch out bedtime by just 15 minutes a night, and do this every night for 4 or 5 nights until your baby is going to bed at their regular time. So last week, their bedtime was 7.30pm but this week they are really fussy and tired at 6.30pm. Start the bedtime routine (i.e. bath, feed, story and cuddle) at 6pm and put them down at 6.45pm. The next night, at 7pm and so on until you’re back to the old time. This should be reflected in later waking times, in 10 to 15 minute increments each morning. It’s hard but you’ll get there! Just try not to pick them up the minute they wake. If you let them self-settle, they may drift back to sleep. If they are fussy, take them back into bed with you and explain that it’s dark outside so everybody stays in bed until the sun comes up. If you start reading, singing or playing, your little one will take their cue from you and jump straight into awake mode.
The above advice generally works for children up to the age of about 7 or 8. For older children, the mid-term break from school means that their routine is probably pretty loose this week so bedtimes are a moveable feast. Try to start winding it back by Friday night, so that the first day of school isn’t harder than it needs to be. As ever, encourage books over screens as a way to wind down and keep a consistent ‘lights out’ time. As adults, we can often have difficulty with bedtime boundaries ourselves (the curse of our phones!) so it’s really important that we help children develop good bedtime routines and general structures around their sleep.
This article was contributed a member of Parenting Limerick. [...]
Taking the ‘Ouch’ Out of Sibling RivalryOctober 16, 2024Home Life / Homepage DisplayIt’s a universal issue the world over – the see-sawing of emotions between siblings. Best friends, outright foes and everything in between. Sibling relationships are very complex but also extremely unique because nobody else understands the context of your upbringing or your family’s dynamics like your sibling(s).
If you are a parent of more than one child, whether toddlers, tweenies or teenagers, it’s inevitable that you spend a fair amount of your time playing referee. Sometimes you encourage turn-taking and playing nice …….and sometimes you resort to bribery with nice treats or threats involving the end of screen time. Sound familiar? Well the good news is that a certain amount of discontent between brothers and sisters is beneficial to the development of key social skills. It’s an opportunity for them to learn how to share, to see something from someone else’s perspective, to develop empathy and become problem-solvers. There is also the in-built company and readily available playmate (if the age gap allows) element where you have more than one child. Yes, they might bicker like cat and dog some days but on rainy days, when nobody else is around, they will play together and entertain each other.
There will be times when you feel like the arguments between your children are maybe too much of a daily occurrence or are draining all positivity from your home. For those times, there are a few things that you could try: Firstly, don’t always intervene. Read the situation and gauge how much you can leave them to it so they can resolve it between them. Obviously, if biting (a toddler favourite) or giving a dead arm (the teenage go-to) is involved, you need to step in and explain that disagreements aren’t ever resolved physically. If they both want the same toy, hang back and give them an opportunity to work it out; Teach them to embrace their differences and similarities and to recognise them in each other, so that a more confident, outspoken sister doesn’t always shout down her quieter brother; Remind them often how lovely it is that they have each other; Finally, one of the most effective things you can teach your children is to give each other space – when they are respectful of that and know when to walk away, you might find that you need to use the referee’s whistle a lot less.
Provided by ABC Start Right [...]
National Coming Out DayOctober 11, 2024Homepage Display / TeenagersYOUR CHILD JUST COME OUT ABOUT THEIR GENDER OR SEXUALITY. WHAT NOW?,
Did you know Tuesday 11th October was National Coming Out Day? For many children who have close relationships with their parents or caregivers they feel comfortable to share information about their gender, or orientation. However, For many parents or caregivers this can come as a surprise, or an unexpected piece of information.
In GOSHH (Gender Orientation Sexual Health HIV), we often hear caregivers say things like, ‘’I didn’t see it coming’’ or, ‘’I just wasn’t expecting them to say that!’’. We also hear them tell us how much they care about their children and ‘’we only want the best for them’’. This can be a difficult place to be and can often feel like being stuck between a rock and a hard place with a lot of emotions thrown in.
Caregivers may sometimes feel fearful that their ‘’child is now a stranger and a completely different person’’. They are also ‘’fearful for their safety or wellbeing’’. These are perfectly normal, and natural responses to being told something unexpected, or that you believe, will put your child in danger. Caregivers may also feel this is just who their child is, and want to make sure their child is treated just like everyone else.
A lot of caregivers grew up in an environment where people who are transgender, non binary and gender fluid, those who are Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, or other genders and orientations, were shunned from society, or shamed, because of who they are. Today, we live in a country where a person’s gender and orientation is protected by legislation. Homosexuality became legal in 1993, Marriage equality in 2015, and Gender recognition in 2015. There is still learning, growing, and figuring out to do. We hope that our society will continue to value and celebrate people in all their facets.
In GOSHH, we know from working with young people that the world is changing and for a large proportion of them, a person’s gender is just another piece of information. They find it easier to adapt and correct their language.
We know from research that before a person comes out they are often sitting with this information for a considerable amount of time. Caregivers may feel a pressure to ‘catch up’ and come to terms with this new information about their child quickly. We also know that this takes time. Caregivers can sometimes find this more difficult, understandably. If you have known someone for a long time, and are used to referring to them one way, it can take time to change your language with, and about them.
This may or may not take a while to figure out or adjust. It is important to mind yourself and allow yourself the space to understand what you are feeling, and protect your relationship with your child. Treating your child how you would like to be treated is often the first step.
Some pointers to help:
Caregivers may feel loss, grief or confusion. They may have hopes about their child’s life and may need time to adjust.
Information online can be overwhelming. Try not to get bogged down in the jargon.
If you find yourself struggling with words and getting them wrong, its important to acknowledge these errors, address them and move on.
The support you get at this time is important. Your feelings and reactions are valid. Reaching out to someone you trust is important. As they say! Please put on your own mask before helping others!
You are not alone in this! You are not the only family in the Mid-West, not the only family in Limerick, and may not be the only family in your child’s school.
Allow your child space to figure this out with gentle reassurance, that when they are ready, you are there.
Caregivers may be exceptionally hard on themselves. Don’t underestimate the fact that this is still the child you raised, or you are an important part of their life and they’ve felt it important enough to share this with you.
The world moves fast, taking your time to figure this out is ok. There are supports available to you and your family as well as your child.
Sometimes caregivers forget that they too, need kindness and care. Don’t forget yourself.
We’re only a phone call or email away, our phone number is 061 314354, our website is goshh.ie and our office is Redwood Place, 18 Davis Street, Limerick.
This article was contributed by GOSHH, a partner organisation of Parenting Limerick. [...]
Supporting Reluctant TalkersOctober 3, 2024Communication / Homepage DisplayWe can all be reluctant to speak at times, whether it be due to shyness, a lack of confidence, fear of making a mistake, or a speech and language difficulty – and children are no different. A common example of this is how many children tend to be quiet when they first start school. This new environment may make them nervous, or even overwhelmed at first, but with gentle support, many, if not most of these children will be talking within a few weeks.
As a parent ‘tuning in’ to what your child is feeling (i.e. putting yourself in their shoes), acknowledging their feelings and re-assuring them can be helpful. For example “I can see that talking is difficult for you right now. I’m not worried about this as I know that you will talk when you are ready to do so”. It’s important not to put any pressure on children to speak in situations where talking might be difficult. They will talk when they are ready if no pressure is placed on them. It is important to listen to, validate and normalise their feelings. You can explain that some things are difficult for you to do also but that these get easier with time and practice e.g. ‘You feel worried because it’s your first time doing this. When I was your age I was scared when I went to my first play date but when I gave it a go it was easier the next time”.
It is worth noting that children may be particularly reluctant to speak if they are learning a new language. So long as they continue to talk freely to family members in their native language within earshot of other people, laugh or cry out loud, and use gestures such as pointing, to communicate, there is usually no concern. This ‘silent period’ can last anything from a number of weeks to months, while the child gains confidence in speaking the new language.
In some cases, children’s difficulty talking is due to as significant anxiety. This is known as Selective Mutism. Selective mutism can be categorised by intense, prolonged and consistent feelings of fear towards the physical act of talking. Children with Selective Mutism want to talk but cannot because the simple act of talking creates a sense of panic. This is different to children who may be reluctant to talk due to reasons such as a lack of interest in communicating, being overwhelmed, shyness, or being embarrassed about their speech. This is different to the ‘silent period’ when learning a new language.
Selective Mutism is a consistent failure to speak in specific social situations where speaking is expected despite speaking in other situations. For example, a child may be unable to speak in the school setting. Children with Selective Mutism will suddenly stop talking, start to whisper or physically freeze when they get close to other people they are not comfortable around. They may describe a feeling of a blockage in their throat as their muscles tense up preventing them from talking, laughing or crying out loud. They may wish to speak but are physically unable. If a child presenting with selective mutism, support may be required from health care professionals to help them to overcome it.
Top Tips to reduce your child’s anxiety and encourage talking
Below are some strategies which can be used to reduce your child’s anxiety and encourage talking:
Reduce pressure to talk: Reassure your child that they don’t need to speak until they’re ready, e.g., “It’s okay you don’t have to talk at Mammy’s friend’s house.”
Focus on capabilities: Encourage participation by highlighting what your child can do, e.g., “You can help me set up the game.”
Talk positively about mistakes: Emphasize that mistakes are part of learning, encouraging practice and resilience, e.g., “It’s great that you’re trying; mistakes help us improve.”
Avoid open-ended questions: Use yes/no or choice questions to reduce pressure, e.g., “Did Billy come to school?” or “Did you play football or tag?”
Use comments for opportunities: Make statements that invite response without pressure, e.g., “That’s a nice tower you’re building,” or rhetorical questions like “That’s a fun game, isn’t it?”
Encourage speaking opportunities: Pose questions that prompt your child to speak, e.g., “I wonder where that piece of jigsaw goes?”
Normalize speaking: Treat speaking as a normal occurrence when it happens and don’t bring too much attention to it.
Smile reassuringly: Maintain a positive demeanour; if others question your child’s silence, respond with supportive language, e.g., “She’s just listening today.”
Acknowledge difficulties: Let your child know you understand that talking can be challenging and that they can speak when they feel ready.
Share these tips with family, friends and teachers so that everyone is using the same strategies.
This article was contributed by the Primacy Care Child and Family Psychology Service, a member of Parenting Limerick. [...]
Encouragement versus PraiseSeptember 30, 2024Home Life / Homepage DisplayIn most parenting literature today, you will find the words ‘encouragement’ and ‘praise’ together, as if they were the same thing. Rudolf Dreikurs, a pioneer of democratic parenting, says they are not. It is an area of parenting that is worth some reflection.
Encouragement is about creating ‘courage’. It also creates self-belief and allows others to see their own strengths. This in turn leads to high self-esteem – the ability to believe that we have what it takes to achieve what we want.
We know from experience the results of encouraging children to try something. When we say things like, “Go ahead, give it a go” and the child gives it a go, we say “Well done, at least you tried it”. The result doesn’t matter – it is the effort that is being recognised. This is the crucial difference between encouragement and praise.
Praise, on the other hand, is intended to raise self-esteem but often has the opposite effect. Praise can create ‘praise junkies’, that is, children who depend on other people to feel good about themselves. Without praise, a child might think they are not good enough.
There can be unintended results from some forms of praise that can have far reaching effects on confidence and self-esteem. The type of praise that can create problems is evaluative praise, that which evaluates a person, or a child.
Praise is often given from ‘one who knows’ to ‘one who doesn’t know’, e.g., “you set the table very nicely” (judging the way it was done = praise) instead of “I saw how careful you were with the glasses” or “thanks for your help” (observing the effort = encouragement). Praise comes from the superior position of a parent or a teacher, to what is seen as an inferior one, of child or pupil. Praise often judges a successful result but can miss the effort that was put in.
When we praise, it is our thoughts and opinions we are giving. When we encourage, we are motivating others to think for themselves and to approve of themselves, not depending on others for approval.
Encouragement accepts imperfections and likes people to keep trying.
Encouragement puts the courage into children to just try, because it only focusses on effort. It accepts the child as they are. Encouragement allows for mistakes as part of the learning. It also knows that a child wants to belong and be accepted into society, that as parents we do not need to make them comply. Simply by using encouragement, and other positive parenting techniques children will adapt and conform because it is in their own interest.
Top Tips: Differences between encouragement and praise
Encouragement
An attitude of belief in the child: “I believe in you. I believe you can do it”
Addresses the effort: “Well done, good effort”
Emphasizes effort and improvement: “I saw how careful you were doing that job!”
May be given during a task: “I see you are trying your best!”
Shows acceptance: “Thank You!”
Fosters independence: “You tried, and that is fine!”
Allows self-evaluation: “What do you think?”
Creates self-esteem and self-confidence: “How do you think it went?” “Are you happy with how you did?”
Evaluative Praise
A verbal reward for the child: “You are a great boy, you did it!”
Centred on the person: “Good Girl for doing that”
Creates superior/inferior mentality: “You are the best!”
Job must be well done/completed: “Perfect!” “You did it!”
Is judgmental: “It’s spotless!”
Fosters dependence: “You did a good job but it could be better. Here, I’ll show you!”
Emphasizes other people’s opinions: “I think you are right/wrong”
Develops self-consciousness and dependence on other’s opinion: “What do other people think of me?”
This article was contributed by Ballyhoura Development, a member of Parenting Limerick. Parenting Limerick is a network of parenting and family support organisations. For more information on this and other topics go to www.loveparenting.ie. [...]
National Breastfeeding Week: The Importance of Supportive PartnersSeptember 30, 2024Homepage Display / Infants & BabiesThe benefits of breastfeeding are both immediate and lifelong – it provides on-tap nutrition as and when baby needs it and creates the building blocks of brain development and immunity that will carry your child through life. The fact that something is natural doesn’t mean that it comes naturally or is easy and breastfeeding is no exception. It takes practice and persistence and, more importantly, it takes support. If your partner, friend or relative is breastfeeding, there are a few things that you can do to make things a little easier for her. Some of these tips are also worth bearing in mind when you’re sitting beside a breast-feeding mom in a café. Sometimes all she might need is an understanding smile or a nod (rather than the downcast eye because you think looking in her direction could be perceived as creepy or rude!).
It’s worth having a discussion before the baby arrives about what the expectations are. If your partner intends to breastfeed, she will be doing all the night feeds to begin with so talk about what you can do. By bathing baby every evening, for example, you will have some one-on-one time with them and your partner can take a nap. Plans made in advance usually run more smoothly than those made during periods of major changes and sleep deprivation! After baby has fed, if he needs to be winded or changed, that could be where you offer to step in. Never under-estimate the value of doing what seems like a mundane task or enabling your partner to have free hands, even if only for a few minutes. Acknowledge that it’s a tough job but she’s doing it brilliantly. It may seem like a moot point but when you’re bleary-eyed from tiredness and your body feels like it belongs to someone else, the smallest amount of praise can really spur you on.
Have a think about the physical things you can stay on top of for your partner or friend too. Keep her topped up with fresh water (think hangover thirst on a hot day – that’s how much hydration a breastfeeding mom requires), healthy snacks, comfortable pillows and within reach of TV remotes, books etc. Look up what you don’t understand – a quick google search can often yield a new insight when you or your partner are feeling a little overwhelmed.
Breastfeeding might all be new to you but the payoff is tremendous so invest some time and thought into supporting its ongoing success. For quality-assured information on breastfeeding go to www.breastfeeding.ie.
Top tips for parental self care
While parenting is the most rewarding the job, inevitably there are times when you feel over-worked and under-valued. Some things to bear in mind to keep those times to a minimum:
Cut yourself some slack: Remember, the ‘perfect parent’ doesn’t exist. Be a good enough parent for your child – that’s all they need.
Don’t hold it all in: Let your partner, family or friends know when you need some help. Whether its support, advice or babysitting, ask. The fastest way to get over-whelmed is to fall into the ‘I must do it all’ mind set.
Try not to compare: This applies to yourself or your children. Yes, your colleague might have glossy hair and children who are in bed every night by 8pm but she might be exhausted and her children may refuse to eat anything that resembles a vegetable. We all have our battles.
Double up where you can: A walk by yourself gives you some head space and some cardio, elevating your mood and heart rate at the same time. That’s some TLC for your mental and physical health.
Be a great role model: Your children will only learn the value of taking personal time and space when it’s something you attach a value to. Lead the way!
This article was contributed by a member of Parenting Limerick. [...]
Minding our own Mental HealthSeptember 6, 2024Health & Welbeing / Homepage DisplayThe demands of day-to-day life can create stress, which in turn can lead to mental health difficulties and result in parents and carers feeling as though they are unable to cope. With the return to school looming large and the cost of living crisis hitting a lot of families hard, it is important, that we can manage how we respond to events in life.
For many parents and carers, the idea of self-care and of taking some well-deserved ‘you’ time can seem like an alien concept. Parents and carers often worry that if they take some time out for themselves they are being selfish. To the contrary, it is important that parents and carers continue to explore and engage their own passions and interests where possible. This can help to ensure your identity as an individual remains intact – and happy parents often make for happier kids.
Taking time out for yourself by choosing to, for example, go for a walk, take a bath, catch up with a friend, or pursue your interests, sends a very positive message to your child/ren about the importance of taking care of yourself. Role modelling positive self-care also demonstrates to your child a powerful strategy for managing any stress they might experience. How we react to stress will influence how our children react to stress.
We can all feel pressure at different times in our lives. Having responsibility for a child or children can present extra challenges to a parent or carer’s mental health. These challenges may include worry, fear, a lack of knowledge, a feeling of being overwhelmed, loneliness and more.
Each stage of parenting brings with it its own set of demands. When children are infants, parents and carers experience sleepless nights due to teething or any other number of issues. When children grow into teenagers and gain a degree of independence, parents and carers may experience sleepless nights until their children return from discos and late-night socialising.
Social media and how we interact with it can have a big influence on how we view ourselves. While many parents and carers find parenting blogs and social media influencers (who share their experience of parenting) beneficial, some may find themselves negatively comparing themselves and their parenting abilities. Remember that challenges associated with life and parenting can be under-represented by influencers who wish to present content which is purely positive.
It is important to know that support is available to any parent, carer or individual who may find life, or parenting, overwhelming and may experience stress, or mental health difficulties. Further support and information is available at www.yourmentalhealth.ie. If you are concerned about your mental health, contact your GP for an individual consultation.
Top Tips for Minding Your Mental Health
Get enough sleep: When we are not fully rested, it is more difficult for us to manage our emotions. Our response to daily challenges and things that would not normally annoy or irritate us could mean we find it more difficult to cope.
Eat healthily: At times of stress, we might lose our appetite while others reach for the sugary snacks. This is because stress affects our hormones and this in turn influences what we choose to eat. Try to make healthy choices and eat regularly.
Relax regularly: you may be a parent, but you are still you. Your role as a parent is just one aspect of your life. Rest and relaxation is good for the soul as well as the body. For some people, relaxing might involve taking some time out to read a book, take a bath or practice some yoga or meditation exercises
Exercise: this releases endorphins, which make us feel in better form. People who exercise regularly can experience benefits including a boost in their mood. Taking exercise can be as simple as going for a 30-minute walk.
Join a social club: Feeling connected with other people can help us to feel a sense of solidarity. Joining a club may not be for everyone. If it’s not for you, why not explore other ways to help you feel socially connected – such as meeting a friend for coffee?
Keep in touch with friends and family: there is truth in the proverb that ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’. Having a friend or family member who will listen to you and support you can help you to realise that you are not alone.
This article was contributed by a member of Parenting Limerick. [...]
Back to School AnxietyAugust 29, 2024Back to School / Homepage DisplaySchool has been back for a couple of days now. Some children can become anxious around this time of year when they do return to school, particularly so in this post covid world. All children experience some level of anxiety. Some of the signs include agitation, restlessness, inattention or poor focus, physical symptoms like headaches or stomach aches, withdrawal, or tantrums. Sometimes, your child might even refuse to engage in an activity they once enjoyed. Our role as parents and carers is to understand this anxiety and help children to overcome it.
Why does this happen? Signals in the child’s brain perceive a threat or danger (even if there is none). Your child may be worried about changing teacher, the increased homework, or starting a new school. The body is then flooded with a stress hormone (cortisol), which causes a child to react in a certain way. The key is to regulate this part of the brain through sensory engagement, calming supports and thinking strategies.
An important way to support your child if they are feeling anxious is to ensure they feel connected and safe. Research tells us that children need 12 physical touches/connections to feel connected to a parent in one day. So give plenty of hugs and cuddles, especially before and after transitions. I highly recommend 15 minutes of un-interrupted play time with your child per day. Let the child lead, and choose the game that they want to play with you.
Think of engaging all your children’s senses. Sensory and messy play is great to help regulate your child and could also be a great activity for you both. Tactile play with slime, play dough, or messy materials can be fun. Other sensory approaches may involve using lavender oils, which can have a calming effect, or citrus smells which can help uplift, if your child tends to disassociate or withdraw.
Encourage the use of your child’s imagination by getting them to draw or role play their worry. Help them challenge the “what if’s” (your child’s worry) always come to a positive conclusion and state how as a parent you will help the child overcome the worry.
When you play together, facilitate empowerment and confidence by creating little challenges that the child can overcome, “woah, you didn’t think that you could do that and you did it!” I knew you could do it”.
Top tips for supporting anxiety in children
Children express anxiety and stress in variety of ways, from behaviour changes to bed-wetting, tantrums to withdrawal. While their expression of anxiety can be very varied, your response to it needs to be consistent:
Encourage expression: When you’re child says ‘I’m scared’ or ‘I’m worried’ try not to respond with ‘no you’re not, you’re a brave girl’ etc. Let them explain their fear/anxiety and then talk it through together.
Encourage your child to face their fears: Let them know that you will be right there by their side. If it’s a fear of the dark, hold their hand as they enter a dark room. If its separation anxiety, give then something small of yours (a photo, keyring etc.) to keep with then until you’re back. They don’t always need you, they just need reassurance that you’re coming back.
Teach them that perfection is a myth: Whether it’s colouring outside the lines or not doing too well in a game or test, always try to reiterate that everybody has strengths and weaknesses. Knowing that it’s ok to not be the best at everything is a really important life lesson for children and it builds resilience for adulthood.
Show them how to take time out: An over-scheduled child can become an anxious child. Be a role model – take breaks from your work, leave your phone on silent for set periods of time and just hang out together. Down time helps the mind and body to relax but children have to be taught to value that rather than seeing it as ‘boring’.
This article was contributed by Claudia Maloccas, Play Therapist with Hospital FRC, a member of Parenting Limerick. [...]
Communicating with Your Teen: Challenging BehaviourAugust 28, 2024Homepage Display / TeenagersA well known Italian proverb says ‘little children-headache; big children- heart-ache.’ To say raising teenagers can be a challenge as much of an under-statement as saying the Irish weather could be better. At the best of times parents struggle to remember what it felt like to be a teenager themselves. When you throw a teenager with challenging behaviour or attitude into the mix it’s nearly impossible to react instinctively in a way that will help the situation. Like every difficult situation in life, planning well in advance is crucial if you want to achieve a successful outcome with your teenager during times of challenging behaviour. This article will briefly look at some strategies from various parenting programmes that you can practice that in time will help to resolve challenging situations. The parenting programmes that the article will draw from are Non-Violent Resistance and Restorative Parenting.
Non-violent resistance (NVR) addresses violent, destructive and harmful behaviours in children and adolescents. The methods and ideas of non-violent direct action and resistance from Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King and Rosa Parks are used in community and family settings to help parents and carers with their parenting. NVR can help parents and carers overcome their sense of helplessness. It can help develop a support network that will stop violent and destructive behaviours both in and out of the home.
The Restorative Parenting programme looks at how parents can more effectively deal with conflict. Through exploring how they themselves respond in times of conflict they become better equipped in understanding their child’s behaviour and are more prepared to respond in a more effective and restorative way.
For the purpose of introducing these strategies let’s paint a scenario which the article will refer to in order to demonstrate each strategy more effectively. “Your fifteen year old son storms into the house, slams the front door and throws his school bag on the floor. He shouts ‘what are you looking at?’ at his younger sister and shoves her out of his way’.
Timing
The Non-Violent Resistance Parenting Programme has a great expression-‘strike when the iron is cold’. Sometimes when your teenager or even you yourself are feeling angry it is a good idea to pick a time at a later point to discuss the negative behaviour. It is not ‘giving in’ but is a tactical withdrawal. In the above situation, addressing the teen’s behaviour there and then may lead to further escalation. It may be more sensible to say “I will chat to you about this later when we are both calmer”. Saying “we” instead of “you” prevents him from becoming defensive. None of us have ever gotten calmer by somebody accusing us of not being calm! Ask yourself -Is now a good time to deal with this? Is he in the right frame of mind to listen to me? To quote another well known proverb- “Knowledge is knowing what to say. Wisdom is knowing when to say it”.
Tone
Whether you are simply informing your teen that you will speak to him later or you want to actually deal with the issue there and then, ask yourself what tone of voice would I like him to use with me? You should then use the same tone of voice with him.
Content
What you say is as important as how you say it. Try and use “I” statements. For example ‘I feel annoyed when you slam the door and hurt your sister’. This is more effective than using “You” statements like ‘You make me so mad’. These lead to defensiveness. Also try and spell out in a clear manner what impact his behaviour (not him as a person) has on others. For example ‘Your sister feels afraid when you shout at her and shove her’. This over time helps the teen to build empathy for the impact of his behaviour on others.
What’s going on in the background?
It can be very easy to fall into the trap of reacting to the behaviour that is presented to us without taking the time to explore what’s going on behind it. The Restorative Parenting Programme suggests that we look beyond the behaviour and look at the following. What is the person actually feeling? Why are they feeling that way? Is anyone else involved? Teenagers are still developing emotionally and need your help to become emotionally mature. Anger is often the emotion they present with but is often not the real emotion they are feeling. The reason they express the real emotion as anger is that anger is a safe emotion for them to express and does not leave them feeling vulnerable. If you can explore with them what happened in the lead up to their challenging behaviour you can then assist them in naming the actual emotion they are feeling. This not only shows you care and can calm the situation but it also helps the teenager to become more emotionally intelligent.
Are you listening?
If and when your teenager starts expressing themselves ask yourself over and over again ‘am I really listening?’ All too often we are waiting for them to take a breath so we can interrupt with the ‘expert opinion’. When they take a breath-take a breath yourself. Once you are confident they have finished speaking maybe ask them if it’s okay for you to make a suggestion or give an opinion. You will be surprised how much better a teenager will react to your advice if you first ask their permission.
Prioritise behaviours to tackle
If your teenager has numerous behaviours that are frustrating or upsetting you it can be very easy to feel like a ‘nag’ all the time. Sit down and write down every behaviour that is having a negative impact on your home. Include the smallest ones (e.g.-not bringing down washing) to the most serious ones (e.g.-aggression). Pick the two that are having the most negative impact on your home and prioritise these. Either ignore or negotiate the rest of the behaviours for a period of time. When a parent is constantly ‘nagging’ a teenager about all the behaviours they switch off and don’t hear any of what you say. By prioritising the most serious behaviours for a period of time you increase the chances of them hearing and taking on board what you are saying.
Praise efforts
The famous TV Psychologist Dr. Phil often says that it takes one thousand ‘Atta boys’ to overcome one ‘you’re no good’. There is no doubt that in stressful times every parent has said hurtful things that they later regret. Teenagers can hold on to these negative hurtful comments internally and this can subconsciously fuel their future negative behaviours. Make a concerted effort to ‘catch your teenager being good’ and praise them. This may be difficult to do when you are feeling frustrated with other behaviours but it does work over time. Not only does it make it easier for them to accept criticism for negative behaviours but it also slowly chips away at their internal memory of past hurtful things that you may have said to them in anger.
Like every new skill we try and develop, the above strategies will take practice. You will absolutely get them wrong at times and revert to past negative reactions but you will learn from the mistakes and make progress in dealing with every challenging situation. It is one hundred per cent okay to go back to your teenager after you make an error in judgement and admit you could have handled the situation better but that you will try harder the next time. This is not a sign a weakness but one of strength and it teaches them that it’s okay to mess up as long as we learn from it and try harder the next time. The main thing is to persist, persist, persist. Your teenager needs to see that you are not just trying a new fad type of parenting and will revert to old ways if their behaviour does not improve. This new way of positive assertive communication is here to stay because you know that Rome was not built in a day.
If you are interested in finding out any more about either the Non-Violent Resistance or the Restorative Parenting Programmes and Strategies I would recommend the following books-1) Non-Violent Resistance-A New approach to violent and self-destructive children by Haim Omer& 2) Restorative Parenting-7 ways to transform the parent-child relationship by John Erhart. Both are available on Amazon.
Alan Quinn is the Mentoring Co-Ordinator with Le Chéile Mentoring and Youth Justice Support Services in Limerick. Le Chéile work with Young Person Probation service users and their families. As well as the core mentoring work Le Chéile run a range of parenting programmes including those mentioned in this article. www.lecheile.ie. [...]
A Parents Countdown to SchoolAugust 15, 2024Back to School / Homepage DisplayCountdown to School
Now:
Check in on how your child is feeling about school. Excited, anxious, nervous? Remember you don’t have to have all the answers. Just listen.
If you qualify, apply for back to school allowance
Buy books, uniforms and shoes and put them away safely
Begin to introduce sleep, food and daily routines. Agree this together with your children.
Encourage your child to connect in with their pals
In the two weeks before:
Continue the chat with your child about going back to school. Even little things like what they would like in their school lunches can start deeper chats
Take time out for yourself.
Get support from others if needed
Do something fun together
Put uniforms on hangers and visibly display in bedrooms
Set up school bags and agree where the school shoes/bags are kept after school
Night before:
Check that uniforms/shoes/bags are where they should be
Get children to help make their lunches
Stay calm and relax. You can do it!
Don’t forget to praise your child! [...]
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