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Interactive ReadingMay 24, 2023Communication / Homepage DisplayInteractive Reading: While tablets may eventually replace school textbooks, actual books will always have a place, especially with younger children. Read on for some helpful hints for making story time a special part of everyday with your child.
For everybody:
Try to sit where your child can see your face (that’s where the interesting expressions happen) and cuddle up. Enjoy this special time and have fun.
Remember read a bit or talk about the picture and WAIT, wait and watch to see what your child will do next, then RESPOND to what they are interested in.
With babies:
Copy their actions sounds or words. Talk about and feel the pictures. Let them explore the books physically.
With toddlers:
Make comments about what they are interested in. You’ll be amazed what your child sees in the picture that you missed. Grab their attention by putting their name into the story, and watch them glow with delight. Act out as much as you can.
With pre-schoolers:
Bring in the idea of predicting what will happen. Read the name of the story and ask them to guess what it may be about by looking at the cover. Encourage your child to get involved in the story by talking about pictures, characters and feelings. Ask your child questions to get them thinking about what’s happening now and what might happen next or in the end. Label and explain new words to your child.
A quiet time in your day for book reading allows for cuddling and bonding and releases all the powerful happy hormones in your child’s brain which help them learn. [...]
Primary School TransitionsMay 24, 2023Homepage Display / Pre-School AgeFrom Preschool to Primary School: A Whole New World
As parents and carers, we invest so much time and energy into supporting our children through transitions. We blend food as they go from being milk-only drinkers to little foodies. We hold their hands (and hide the breakables) as they progress from being crawlers to walkers and we spend lots of time planning and talking about the move from their cot to a ‘big bed’. Settling a child into a crèche or with a childminder can cause many sleepless nights as we worry relentlessly whether they will be ok without us. These are all big transitions for our child but what gets them through it is the fact they we have prepared them for it.
While September may seem like a long way off, for parents with children starting school then, now is a great time to start planning the preparations. As a parent/carer, you play the leading role in helping to prepare your child for school. As the people who know, love and care for them in a way that nobody else can, you are their biggest security blanket. You can help them feel more confident and enthusiastic about the changes ahead. Starting school isn’t just about that first day. It’s a process that begins at birth, when your baby is born ready to learn. They know that you’ll meet their needs and comfort them when they cry. Their little brains are growing and every emotion and interaction your baby experiences helps that growth. Everyday you are helping to build the foundations for their future.
In addition to your own instincts and experiences, there are many things that you can do to support the transition to primary school. Begin by choosing a school that will best suit your child and their needs, and then do some research. Find out, for example, if another child at your child’s preschool will be going and organise a meet-up over the summer. Let your child know what familiar faces to expect in a place that will all be very new and very different for a while. Use the next few months to really support your child’s independence and use play (their most fluent language) to do it. For practising opening and closing lunch boxes, take picnics in the park. For taking on and off their own coat, have plenty of trial runs on teddies and dolls. Sing songs as they wash their hands after using the bathroom. Basically, find fun ways to prepare them for what they will be doing for themselves soon. Talk positively about your own memories of school, the friends your made and the teachers you liked. All of this will build your child’s confidence which will make the transition less daunting.
This article was written by a member of Parenting Limerick, a network of parenting and family support organisations. For more information on this and other topics go to www.loveparenting.ie. [...]
Managing Exam WorriesMay 17, 2023Homepage Display / TeenagersMany students have underlying worries approaching their exams, regardless of their academic capabilities. No matter how big or small, all exam worries can affect a student’s exam performance and overall well-being. These worries can also appear in various disguises including lashing out, negative self-talk, unexplained physical ailments, or going from a diligent to an indifferent student overnight. For parents, exam season can be difficult to navigate and cultivates a mixed sense of protectiveness and powerlessness. However, a parent’s support during exam season is imperative.
Emphatically listening to your child’s worries without dismissing any (no matter how irrational they seem) can help ease much stress. This non-judgmental listening ear gives your child the opportunity to express their underlying worries in a healthy way. Try opening up conversations when you are shoulder-to-shoulder rather than face-to-face to help them feel more comfortable and less exposed or interrogated. They may not want to share their worries with you immediately, but will know that you are willing to listen when they are ready.
Under the pressures that accompany exams, thought patterns can often go askew and lead to irrational thoughts predicting worst-case scenarios or backing an “all or nothing” mindset. As parents witnessing this you can take the role of acknowledging the thoughts of your child while also letting them know that you believe the opposite to be true. Remind your child of how strong they are and help them recall a time or situation when they came through, managed, survived a similarly anxious time. This will help support your child in coming up with a more balanced way of thinking.
During exam time, there is an apparent shift in values. Many children will begin to measure their own self-worth on exam performance, or by comparing themselves to siblings, peers, or others around them. As a parent, remind your child of their individual intrinsic qualities, which truly represent who they are (caring, humorous, creative, etc.) and avoid adding to the comparison dialogue with examples of how well others handled a similar experience. Most importantly, let your child know that no matter what the outcome, you will be able to deal with it together and that you accept them regardless of their academic achievements.
Exam season can be physically, mentally, and emotionally energy zapping, with study demands often placing a healthy lifestyle balance by the wayside. However, maintaining a healthy balance will benefit your child hugely. Keeping a balanced diet, drinking enough water, engaging in regular physical activity, getting a good night’s sleep and preserving time for enjoyable interests is essential. Now, before the exam stress commences, is also an ideal time to encourage your child to begin practising some relaxation techniques or mindfulness exercises. Practising these skills now will allow your child to readily draw on them as a healthy coping mechanism during unhelpful exam stress. A healthy level of stress naturally improves motivation and exam focus, and all of the above will help keep these stress levels at this optimal level.
Top Tips
Support your child in challenging their worries
First acknowledge the worries your child is having. Then support them in coming up with a more balanced way of thinking about these worries. An example might be changing “I’m going to fail!” to “I’ve passed a hard exam before, I can do it again”. It might also help if your child writes this balanced thought down for future reference.
Set miniature goals
Help your child breakdown their overwhelming workload into smaller, more manageable steps ahead of their exam.
Celebrate effort
Take every opportunity to celebrate the effort your child is putting in to prepare. After an exam, avoid immediately asking what grade they obtained and instead ask a more open question about how they found the experience.
Good enough is good enough!
Try to adopt this mantra in your household. Your child will be feeling pressure from all angles and it is important that you try not to add to this overwhelming feeling. Notice your expectations and whether these are adding additional pressure.
Balance is key
Help your child to maintain a healthy life balance during this busy time. This includes diet, water intake, relaxation, social engagement, and preserving time to do the things they love.
Look after yourself
Be sure not to forget about your own wellbeing during this overwhelming period. Modelling a healthy life balance will also benefit your child. As they say “you can’t pour from an empty cup!”
This article was written by HSE Primary Care Child and Family Psychology Services, a member of Parenting Limerick. Parenting Limerick is a network of parenting and family support organisations. [...]
Encouraging Positive BehaviourApril 8, 2023Homepage Display / Middle ChildhoodWe’ve all been there—it’s the end of a long day and we know that what everyone in the family needs is to be tucked up in bed. Getting there, however, can seem like the a never ending journey. There’s finding the right pair of pyjamas, ensuring the teeth are brushed, scrambling to find the lost tie and the stuffed animal that hasn’t been played with in two months but is suddenly essential, a final drink of water, stories, hugs, another final drink of water and then, as you settle onto the couch for the first time that evening, “Daaaad, I need you…” It’s at this stage that even the most patient among us is tempted to shout up the stairs, “JUST GO TO BED!!” The most patient and the less patient will realise, however, that this very rarely works.
Getting our child to listen and to behave positively can be one of the most challenging parts of parenting. One of the best ways to change unwanted behaviour is to pay attention to and reward the behaviours you want. The most powerful reward is praise, which is a social reward. Another social reward is spending time with your child. Other effective rewards are privileges (like T.V. and gaming time, special outings, extra bedtime stories, time with friends) and material rewards such as money, toys, treats, or a Driver’s License. Below are some ideas on how to establish a reward system with your child.
CHOOSE the behaviour you want your child to do and write it down. Begin with a behaviour that is not too hard to achieve. You can then tackle more difficult behaviours. (If you want your child to stop doing a negative behaviour, decide what its opposite is; that becomes the behaviour goal.)
PRACTICE: Break down the new behaviour into small doable steps you can teach your child and have him or her practice the behaviour. Decide on the how the behaviour will be measured—how your child knows he or she has accomplished it.
REWARD: Decide what reward your child likes and how it will be earned (number of points required, etc.). Have the rewards on hand.
CHART: Let your child choose a tracking chart. Fill it out and be clear about what your child must do to earn a move on the chart and receive a reward.
REWARD: Put the chart in a place where they will be easily seen. Be interested and enthusiastic when your child marks the chart.
PRAISE: Praise your child every time you see him/her doing the new behaviour and have him/her note it on the chart.
When choosing rewards, make sure children find the rewards enticing—let them help decide the reward. Some rewards can be small for smaller achievements and some can be larger for significant progress. Make sure the rewards are on-hand and easy to give. Children earn points to receive rewards by practicing the desired behaviour, setting up a tracking chart, and daily doing the behaviour.
This article was adapted from the Strengthening Families Programme. Parenting Limerick is a network of parenting and family support organisations. [...]
Tips for a Positive Bedtime RoutineApril 8, 2023Homepage Display / ToddlersEstablish a regular bedtime routine for your child that allows them to wake up rested and refreshed
Start to wind down well in advance of bedtime and do activities that help to calm them down and relax them. Put on some favourite music, read a book, watch a little television
Give your child notice that bedtime is approaching. ‘You have ten more minutes to play and then we need to head to bed’; ‘You can watch the programme for five more minutes and then we need to switch if off for bedtime.’
Get the basics done first. Make sure they brush their teeth, wash their face, use the toilet, have a drink of water
Make time for positive interaction with your child as part of the routine. Snuggle in with a story, take a few minutes to chat about their day or whatever comes into their head, give plenty of hugs and kisses.
Make it clear when it’s time to turn out the lights and go to sleep. Be kind but firm and let them know that it is now time to get their rest. [...]
Racism: How to talk to your childMarch 30, 2023Health & Welbeing / Home LifeLast week we marked International Day for the Elimination of All Forms of Racial Discrimination and part of the European-wide Action Week against Racism 17th-25th March. It can be hard to talk to your children about racism. Some parents worry about exposing their children to issues like racism and discrimination at an early age. Others shy away from talking about something they themselves might not fully understand or don’t feel comfortable discussing.
Conversations about racism and discrimination will look different for each family. While there is no one-size-fits-all approach, the earlier parents start the conversation with their children the better. Ignoring or avoiding the topic isn’t protecting children, it’s leaving them exposed to bias that exists wherever we live. Children who encounter racism, can be left feeling lost while trying to understand why they are being treated a certain way, which in turn can impact their long-term development and well-being.
The way children understand the world evolves as they grow, but it’s never too late to talk to them about equality and racism. Here are some age-appropriate ways to start that conversation and explain that racism is always wrong:
Under 5 years
At this age, children may begin to notice and point out differences in people they see around them. As a parent, you have the opportunity to gently lay the foundation of their worldview. Use language that’s age-appropriate and easy for them to understand.
Recognize and celebrate differences – If your child asks about someone’s skin colour, you can use it as an opportunity to acknowledge that people do indeed look different, but to point out things we have in common. You could say, “We are all human, but we are all unique, isn’t that amazing”!
Be open – Make it clear that you’re always open to your children’s questions and encourage them to come to you with them. If your children point out people who look different – as young children can often do from curiosity – avoid shushing them or they will start to believe that it’s a taboo topic.
Use fairness – Children, especially those around 5, tend to understand the concept of fairness quite well. Talk about racism as unfair and unacceptable and that’s why we need to work together to make it better.
6-11 years
Children this age are better at talking about their feelings and are eager for answers. They are also becoming more exposed to information they may find hard to process. Start by understanding what they know.
Be curious – Listening and asking questions is the first step. For example, you can ask what they’re hearing at school, on television and through social media.
Discuss the media together – Social media and the internet may be one of your children’s main sources of information. Show interest in what they are reading and the conversations they are having online. Find opportunities to explore examples of stereotypes and racial bias in the media, such as “Why are certain people depicted as villains while certain others are not?”.
Talk openly – Having honest and open discussions about racism, diversity and inclusivity builds trust with your children. It encourages them to come to you with questions and worries. If they see you as a trusted source of advice, they are likely to engage with you on this topic more.
12+ years
Teenagers are able to understand abstract concepts more clearly and express their views. They may know more than you think they do and have strong emotions on the topic. Try to understand how they feel and what they know, and keep the conversation going.
Know what they know – Find out what your children know about racism and discrimination. What have they heard on the news, at school, from friends?
Ask questions – Find opportunities such as events in the news for conversations with your children about racism. Ask what they think and introduce them to different perspectives to help expand their understanding.
Encourage action – Being active on social media is important for many teenagers. Some may have begun to think about participating in online activism. Encourage them to do so as an active way to respond and engage with racial issues.
This article was written by the Limerick Integration Working Group on behalf of Parenting Limerick, a network of parenting and family support agencies. For more information go to www.limerickunitedagainstracism.ie. [...]
Putting the Spring into your Easter BreakMarch 27, 2023Homepage Display / Quality TimeThe Easter midterm is looming and children are on the countdown to two school free weeks. Along with the fact that most shops now look like miniature versions of Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory, can present a challenger for parents. While a break in routine usually means that the pace slows down a little, it can also add other stressors such as childcare. Perhaps the biggest issue of all is that new phenomenon; ‘must keep the children entertained all of the time’.
Holidays from school used to mean staying in pyjamas until lunch time, playing in your own garden and looking forward to more chocolate treats than you were usually allowed. Today, those holidays are quite different. Easter camps provide a solution to childcare issues and ensure that your child won’t encounter the one thing we seem to have become so afraid of – boredom. There can be a tendency to shuttle children from one activity to another and, as a result, their time for free play has been significantly reduced. Here’s a typical scenario for me that will resonate with most parents: You’re driving home in the car with your child, having just picked him up from his weekly swimming lesson. He asks what you’re having for dinner and you realise you have yet to even think about that so you tell him that he can watch TV or use the I-pad when you get home, while you prepare something. I realise (too late) that I could have done that differently. Instead of suggesting an activity to him that would put us both in separate rooms, I could have suggested that he could help me make dinner. In addition to giving him some responsibility and teaching him life skills, it would allow me time and space to find out about the highs and lows of his day. Sometimes we’re so eager to keep them occupied, we forget to let our children ‘just be’.
Over the Easter break, there are plenty of ways to connect with your child that don’t require planning (I never remember to look into camps until they are fully booked!), money or gadgetry. For younger children, painting eggs and organising a hunt around the garden always goes down a treat. With longer evenings and better weather, walks in the woods, picnics or a family cycle or walk on the new canal pathway brings that lovely balance of being outdoors and spending time together. You might even encounter real rabbits and chicks, which would be a very welcome break from the chocolate variety!
This article was contributed by a member of Limerick. Parenting Limerick is a network of parenting and family support organisations. For more information on this and other topics go to www.loveparenting.ie.
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Top Tips for Cooking with KidsMarch 23, 2023Home Life / Homepage DisplayCooking offers children a variety of learning experiences. It’s a practical way to teach kids basic life skills. Time spent together in the kitchen also encourages interaction and communication between you and your child.
Choose a time that suits you and your child. Over the weekend or during holidays usually works best.
Be prepared; before you get started take time to read the recipe yourself and get all the necessary ingredients. Preparation is key.
Save time by weighing/chopping ingredients in advance.
Start small and keep it fun, children may lose interest quickly.
Choose the right tasks for the right age group. For younger children start with basic recipes and manageable tasks.
Allow mistakes and exercise patience. Prepare for a little extra mess.
Praising children boosts their confidence. Emphasise positive, specific things they are doing. “You’re doing a great job stirring that sauce” “Wow you’re so good at measuring out the flour”.
Offer guidance and help rather than taking over the task. “Would you like me to help you with this?”
Even when the end results are not what you expected, praise their efforts and tuck in with gusto!
[...]
Enjoying Longer EveningsMarch 18, 2023Homepage Display / Quality TimeThe much awaited ‘stretch in the evenings’ is slowly arriving so it’s time to top up those Vitamin D levels:
Make going outside as much of a planned activity as any extracurricular activity. Whether it’s a walk around the neighbourhood, a cycle or a family effort at getting the garden back in shape, try to fit it in daily with your child
For younger children in particular, they can now get outside before bed which makes it exciting. Capitalise on that excitement by setting up little treasure hunts or looking for small bugs. Puddle-jumping and leaf picking are toddler areas of expertise!
Bear in mind the balance between directed and free play – follow your child’s lead. You may have to hold caterpillars or give names to cars but you’ll find a new appreciation for being outside when you see it through your child’s eyes
Play nature ‘I spy’ while walking and you’ll be amazed at how far you get
Leave phones behind so that you can really enjoy each other’s company and connect with being outdoors
Watching the sun going down or the moon rising never loses its appeal and provides a great opportunity to talk about the solar system
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Parade Time; St. Patrick’s Day PlansMarch 15, 2023Homepage Display / Quality TimeIn Ireland, the St. Patrick’s Day parade is imprinted as deeply on our memories of childhood festivities and celebrations almost as much as Christmas. Whether we had to wear tricolour jumpers knitted by our grannies or proudly display our harp badges, there was an inevitable excitement about the parade. Having a day off school also lent a certain positivity to the day. Like all holidays, St. Patrick’s Day seems to get bigger every year, particularly among advertisers. Most of the high street shops sell green, shamrock-covered clothes and accessories and certain fast food chains bring out a green milkshake for its annual appearance. The parade then becomes more about the buying than the celebration, material things over experiences. So this year, as parents, let’s make an effort to really make the day a family event that will generate happy memories for years to come.
In the lead up to the day, you could encourage your child to make her own banner, flag or t-shirt. In addition to being an activity that you can both enjoy together, it will also teach your child that things don’t always have to be disposable. Sure, they could buy a flag at the parade- which will probably be binned pretty soon afterwards- or you sew or paint one together that could be displayed somewhere at home later. It also provides a lesson on recycling, which is ‘going green’ in its truest sense!
The City Centre becomes incredibly crowded on St. Patrick’s Day, which can cause a little anxiety. With younger children, you could turn the annoyance of picking your viewing spot into a game. For example, agree beforehand that you will turn left every time you see someone with dyed green hair and see where you end up. They’ll be happily distracted and you can move through a crowd quicker. Keep safety in mind as well. With older children, agree ‘safe spots’ in advance so, in the event of being separated, you all go immediately to that spot.
Fast food restaurants tend to be over-crowded after the parade, with long queues and waiting times. If you prepare a small picnic that morning, you can head to one of the city centre parks, sit on your homemade flags and enjoy a hassle-free and healthier lunch. Your own green smoothies or milkshakes will taste a lot better when you haven’t had to stand in line for an hour to get them!
If you think the crowds will be too much for your little ones, you can always embrace the celebrations and community spirit at your local parade as St. Patrick’s Day festivities take to the streets in towns and villages throughout County Limerick. 10 county parades are taking place this year in Abbeyfeale, Adare, Askeaton, Ballylanders, Bruff, Castleconnell, Kilfinance, Kilmallock, Mountcollins and Rathkeale.
For more information about St Patrick’s Weekend in Limerick, including the parade route, the county parade start times and family fund events over the weekend, go to www.limerick.ie/stpatricksfestival
This article was contributed by a member of Limerick. Parenting Limerick is a network of parenting and family support organisations. For more information on this and other topics go to www.loveparenting.ie. [...]
How to make Play – DoughMarch 9, 2023Homepage Display / playMaking your own play-dough is fun, inexpensive and an excellent learning opportunity. It promotes an understanding of the concepts of size, weight and volume and promotes language development. Time to get a little messy!
Simple play dough recipe
2 cups plain flour / 1/4 cup salt / 2 table spoons oil / 1 cup cold water / A few drops of liquid food colouring
Method
Combine plain flour and salt.
Add water, food colouring and oil.
Mix until ingredients are combined.
Knead well.
If consistency is too wet add a little plain flour, if too dry add additional water.
Consider adding one of these to get a variety of textures: Cake sprinkles (particularly suitable if you have children who like to put the dough in their mouths) glitter, sand, coconut or rice. [...]
Bonding Through PlayMarch 9, 2023Homepage Display / playBetween work, school runs, laundry and rushing to prepare dinner, playing with our children can often feel like just another chore on a never-ending “To Do” list. Play is the most effective way to develop a healthy and strong bond with our children. You don’t have to play together every single day. Even twenty minutes twice a week can mean a lot to a child!
Try to find a few opportunities in the week to play with your children individually. That way, they don’t feel they have to fight for your attention. Even a short game with your youngest before their older siblings come home can make a big difference to your relationship.
Play is especially important if you find yourself continuously correcting or disciplining a child. Too many tantrums are often a sign that you need to work on more positive quality time. This does not mean a treat, screentime or rewards. The most precious thing you can give your child is your uninterrupted, undivided attention. The more familiar and comfortable you are with your child’s play, the more tuned into them you will be. This will help you both to negotiate and resolve the difficulties and challenges you will inevitably encounter together.
Follow your child’s interests and choices, rather than giving them toys and game ideas you think they will like. Think about their preferences and favourite games. Do they like imaginative play, dress up, roleplay or using small figures, animals and vehicles to tell stories? Or do they prefer structured play with rules? Remember, children need to be 7 years or older to understand game rules. Are they excited about sensory play in the bathtub or the sand tray, making playdough or doing some baking? Do they prefer to play inside or outside? Do they like to play by themselves or on their own?
If you don’t often play with your child, don’t intrude on their play. Let them know you are interested in the game and wait for them to invite you in. You can do this by watching them and describing what you see happening in the game.
When playing with children, their stories and ideas can be confusing and hard to follow. Don’t worry about understanding the game, just name the emotions that the characters or participants may be feeling. That’s how children learn about their feelings and the feelings of others.
When you are walking or driving someplace with your child, reflect on the gameplay. Describe the story as you remember it. You can also offer suggestions about how to make the game better next time. This allows the child to appreciate that you were paying attention and you were engaged in the play.
They say that the greatest gift a parent can give is a piece of their own happiness. Take the opportunity to be surprised by your child’s imagination and enjoy the experience!
This article was contributed by Hugh McMahon, Phoenix Creative Psychotherapy Centre, on behalf of Parenting Limerick. Parenting Limerick is a network of parenting and family support organisations in Limerick. For more information on this and other topics go to www.loveparenting.ie. [...]
The importance of reading with your childMarch 2, 2023Communication / Homepage DisplayTime seems to fly when you are a parent! One day you have a baby, and before you know it, they are starting 1st class and asking who Harry Potter is. Children grow so fast, and as parents we try to provide positive experiences that give them the best start in life. Reading is proven to do just that!
Reading to your child, at any age will boost their brain development, your bonding together, and so much more. Reading to young children is proven to improve cognitive skills and supports the development of your child’s growing brain. Your child’s brain is constantly developing and learning. Reading to your child will keep their young minds constantly working. Cognitive development is the ability to think and understand. It refers to how a person perceives and thinks about his or her world through areas such as information processing, intelligence, reasoning, language development, attention span, and memory. All of this is nurtured and developed through the simple act of reading. Reading allows your child’s imagination to flow, and their confidence within the world to grow. It is a skill that your child will need for life and will benefit them as they progress on into education.
Reading aloud with your child not only has its cognitive and developmental benefits but it also has emotional and social benefits, which are crucial for a young child. A parent reading aloud to their child allows that time to strengthen their bond. It can allow relaxing one on one time away from what could be a very busy day to day life. When it comes to children, one of the most important things you can do to positively influence their development is spend time with them. Developing a positive relationship with your child will carry into relationships they develop throughout their lives. Taking time to read with your child will cultivate this relationship and bond all while creating a love for learning and stimulating their minds through reading.
Books and reading provide an excellent opportunity to get talking, telling stories, and connecting with your child. Reading aloud to children is truly one of the most important activities a parent can do for building skills that are essential for your child and they will carry with them all throughout their life. So snuggle up together and ask your little one to pick their favourite book!
Top tips for interactive reading
While tablets may eventually replace school textbooks, actual books will always have a place, especially with younger children. Read on for some helpful hints for making story time a special part of everyday with your child.
For everybody:
Try to sit where your child can see your face (that’s where the interesting expressions happen) and cuddle up. Enjoy this special time and have fun.
Remember read a bit or talk about the picture and WAIT, wait and watch to see what your child will do next, then RESPOND to what they are interested in.
With babies:
Copy their actions sounds or words. Talk about and feel the pictures. Let them explore the books physically.
With toddlers:
Make comments about what they are interested in. You’ll be amazed what your child sees in the picture that you missed. Grab their attention by putting their name into the story, and watch them glow with delight. Act out as much as you can.
With pre-schoolers:
Bring in the idea of predicting what will happen. Read the name of the story and ask them to guess what it may be about by looking at the cover. Encourage your child to get involved in the story by talking about pictures, characters and feelings. Ask your child questions to get them thinking about what’s happening now and what might happen next or in the end. Label and explain new words to your child.
A quiet time in your day for book reading allows for cuddling and bonding and releases all the powerful happy hormones in your child’s brain which help them learn.
This article was contributed by Emily, Mary and Amanda, Family Support Workers with Barnardos, a member of Parenting Limerick. Parenting Limerick is a network of parenting and family support organisations. [...]
Internet Safety: How to make good choicesFebruary 24, 2023Homepage Display / Middle Childhood / TeenagersSafer Internet Day was last week, and we shared some useful resources from www.webwise.ie on helping children to stay safe online. There is a much bigger issue around safety, however, and how we support our children to make good choices to keep themselves safe, both online and in real life.
We all want our children to be able to make their way in the world, to take chances and to really enjoy their lives. This will inevitably include making some mistakes and poor choices. Our instinct as parents can be to try to protect our children at all costs and shield them from the risk of failure or hurt. Below are some ideas on how to get the balance right—protecting our children while allowing them the freedom to make their own choices and take responsibility for their actions.
Communication. It always comes back to this with parenting. The more time we spend with our children really listening to what they are saying (verbally and non-verbally), the better able we will be to really understand and respond to their needs. This doesn’t mean grilling them every day for the full details of their day; it just means finding some time each day to check in with them and. It means stopping what we are doing when they approach us and giving them our full attention.
Get to Know their Friends. One of the best ways to really understand what is happening in your child’s world is to get to know their friends and welcome them in to your home. Your child will see you supporting their need for a life outside the home and you will get to see another side of their life.
Share your Experiences (within reason!) As parents, we sometimes feel like we need to be wise, old rocks, when the truth is that most of us are still trying to figure everything out. We were all young once, and most of us have plenty of mistakes in our past. Talk to your children about a time when you were confused about the right thing to do and what you did—let them see that even if you made mistakes, you learned from them.
Don’t Judge. You want to make sure that your child will come and talk to you when they have made mistakes or poor choices. Your instinct might be to panic or shout, but try to take a deep breath, listen to what they are saying and let them know that you are on their side. Then, you can start to talk to them about making things right.
Have Consistent and Fair Consequences. Talk to your child beforehand about what you expect from them and let them know what will happen if they don’t follow the rules. Be consistent with consequences and follow through, but make sure that the consequence fits the crime. Try not to threaten punishments in the heat of the moment.
This article was contributed by a member of Parenting Limerick, a network of parenting and family support organisations in Limerick. For more information on this and other topics go to www.loveparenting.ie. [...]
The 20 Second Hug!February 15, 2023Homepage Display / Quality TimeTusla – Child and Family Agency, in conjunction with Limerick Parenting Support Champions and Parenting Limerick last week launched The 20 Second Hug & More: Quick Reads for Parents. The book is a collection of parenting support articles that previously in the Limerick Leader’s Positive Parenting Feature. Covering topics which include family wellbeing, communicating with your teen about their life and feelings, and tips for parental self-care it will provide parents with high quality advice and support. This is the first article in the series.
Dictionaries define the word hug as holding another person close for affection, comfort and warmth and aren’t these all such lovely words. Even saying these words bring with it an inner glow that we all need. Perhaps one of the things that we miss the most is physical contact with those we love and care about. We miss the freedom we had to hug people. This means that the hugs and cuddles we can have within our households, particularly with our children, have become more important than ever. As children move back to school and our time together is somewhat less, it is vital that we continue spending some cuddling, snuggly hug time together. Did you know that the US has a national cuddling day every year? While it is great that cuddling gets a day of recognition it is important that we make time for hugging our children every day. As well as being a very enjoyable thing to do, hugging your child is of real benefit.
Every hug and physical touch counts however hugs that last for 20 seconds or longer are the ones that can be the most powerful. We are so used to the 20 second hand washing rule that 20 second hugs will be easy to time! Apart from being a really enjoyable activity, these longer hugs have been scientifically proven to have physical effects on our bodies. Hugs and cuddles trigger the release of the hormone oxytocin, which is also known as the feel good or love hormone. The effect of oxytocin on our bodies is complicated but its release in our brains aids physical development from a young age. Firm hugs stimulate the pressure receptors in our skin and this sends a message to the vagus nerve in our brains. This nerve plays a big part in slowing down our heart rate and blood pressure so combined with the feel good hormone; hugs help us calm down and relax.
Hugs also have an impact on our stress hormone cortisol, reducing it and at the same time stimulating our bodies to release serotonin which helps us deal with pain. This is why you can feel an immediate relief from stress and pain when you are embraced in a hug. And why our children come running into our arms when they are distressed and you automatically surround them with your arms and draw them into a loving embrace. Reduced blood pressure and lower stress levels are beneficial to the health of our hearts, to helping our bodies fight infection and to relieving pain. Who would have thought that a 20 second hug could be part of our daily fitness routine!
Hugs helps build and maintain the connection between you and your child communicating your love and helping children feel secure and safe. Hugs tell your child that you love them and that you are there for them and not a single word is needed! Start the day by giving your child a hug and always have a bedtime hug as the calming effect will help sleep. Remember to hug yourself. Did you realise that giving yourself a hug is beneficial, safe and comforting. Wrap your arms around yourself, hug tightly, and tell yourself that you love YOU!
When children are very small we have ample time for cuddling and hugging as they are often in our arms or on our lap. As children become older and naturally move a little further away from us, going to school or out to play, we may not get the same opportunity for hugs. We have to create the opportunities for closeness. Try to make time in the day for cuddling and hugging. Remember it is not the quantity that counts but the quality. Think about adding hugs and cuddles to activities you are already doing. When watching TV, snuggle up close and put your arms around your child. Cuddle in together to read a book. While it is tempting not to interrupt you child when they are doing their homework, reach out and give a hug as you walk past. It will not disturb them but let them know you love and care for them.
Teenagers can shy away from your physical attention or think it is not cool! This is normal teen development. Respect their feeling and continue to hug your teens but perhaps not in public or in front of their friends!
Hugs give immediate joy and comfort and have significant impact on health, now and later in life. Few things cost so little and provide so much. Cuddles and hugs are good for you and your child so stop what you are doing right now and reach out and hug your child.
To download The 20 Second Hug & More: Quick Reads for Parents go to: www.tusla.ie/uploads/content/The_20_Second_Hug.pdf
This article was contributed by Tusla PPFS, a member of Parenting Limerick. Parenting Limerick is a network of parenting and family support organisations [...]
Online Gambling HarmsFebruary 11, 2023UncategorizedMake talking about gambling a regular thing
Like all potentially awkward conversations – from online safety to sex – the more you talk about it, the more comfortable you’ll feel. So rather than having one big ‘just say no’ conversation about gambling, it’s a good idea to chat about the risks and consequences regularly, so your child feels comfortable to approach you on the topic. For example, if you’re watching sport together you could talk about the gambling adverts you see, or if you hear a gambling advert on the radio you could ask them what they think about it.
Find out more about gambling
A great starting point is awareness of the kind of gambling children are more likely to get involved with, and the harm gambling can do. To learn more, visit the Problem Gambling website: www.problemgambling.ie/youth-gambling-ireland.html
Ask your child what they think about gambling
It’s a good idea to ask your child what they think about gambling before offering your own opinion. This could be a great way to correct any misunderstandings they may have. For example, they may think it’s ‘just a bit of fun’, or that ‘everybody does it’. Remember that the way you answer any questions may affect how comfortable they feel approaching you in future to talk about gambling so it’s best to make it a discussion not a lecture!
Challenge the adverts
When you come across gambling adverts, encourage your child to think critically about how gambling is represented as fun, exciting and cool. Remind them that behind the adverts is a business looking to make money!
Let your child know that gambling isn’t a way to make money
Talk with your child about how they spend their money, and explain that gambling should never be seen as a way to make money or recover lost money. It may also be helpful to explain that, in the end, “the house always wins”, meaning anyone that gambles is always more likely to lose than win.
Talk about the harms and risks of gambling
Gambling is often made to seem like a normal part of everyday life, without any negative effects. So it’s a good idea to discuss with your child the risks and consequences of gambling. For example, you could talk to them about how they could end up losing a lot of money, or how gambling could have a negative impact on their wellbeing and friendships Be careful to avoid scare tactics though, as they can often have the opposite desired impact.
Be conscious of your own gambling and its impact
If you gamble, be aware of your influence on your child and discuss with them what it means to gamble safely. If you or someone you live with is experiencing gambling harms, Hospital, Croom and Northside Family Resource Centres provide one to one Counselling for anyone over the age of 16 who is struggling with harmful gambling or impacted by the gambling behaviour of another person. For more information contact Brenda at bokeeffe@hospitalfrc.com
This article was contributed by a member of Parenting Limerick, Brenda O’Keeffe, on behalf of Hospital FRC. Brenda provides supports to people impacted by harmful gambling. You can contact her on 083 2076403 or email bokeeffe@hospitalfrc.com for support or information. Parenting Limerick IS a network of parenting and family support organisations in Limerick. For more information on this and other topics go to www.loveparenting.ie. [...]
Online Gambling HarmsFebruary 11, 2023Teenagers“I really wish there had been a warning that gambling was addictive” – Hannah. These are the words of a young woman who became addicted to online gambling. What started out as ‘fun’ online pastime for Hannah quickly spiralled out of control and into an addiction that left her anxious, depressed and in debt.
It may be hard to believe but children as young as 12 and 13 are receiving treatment for Gambling Addiction in the UK. The Health Service in the UK have opened and continue to open gambling clinics aimed at treating 13 – 25 year olds following a record number of referrals for treatment.
Whilst there are no figures available for child gambling in Ireland a 2021 study of gambling trends in Ireland reported a significant increase in gambling across all age groups with the biggest increase seen in young people, particularly males, including young people under 18.
Online and TV advertising coupled with easy access to gambling is driving this increase.
The gambling industry spends millions advertising their products. They do this because the advertising works. Young people are subjected to an onslaught of gambling advertisements on TV, online and social media for both sports based gambling and casino gambling. All that’s needed for them to take part is a smartphone and an internet connection. Nowadays the ‘bookies’ is available in your pocket 24 hours a day.
Research has shown that children who are introduced to and begin gambling as a young teenage are four times more likely to develop a gambling problem.
Young people are introduced to gambling in ways we may not be unaware of, for example, through the purchasing of ‘loot’ boxes in video games. Children experience the same emotions that a gambler does when purchasing the loot boxes – the anticipation of the purchase, the highs or lows that follow depending on what’s in the box and the desire to spend more and more to get what they want, the cycle continues. There is no skill involved and the outcome is random, similar, in ways, to scratch cards or casino spins. There are published studies that show a link between loot box spending and problem gambling.
Social media platforms including Facebook provide casino style games such as virtual slot machines and poker games. Because the money involved is virtual there are no age restrictions so children of any age can play and learn the rules and habits of gambling. These games will provide more ‘wins’ than real life casino games and are widely considered to be a gateway to real money gambling.
It’s impossible to prevent young people from being exposed to the world of gambling but we can educate them on what gambling is and the harms associated with problem gambling. Have a look at our top tips and start a conversation at home about the world of gambling and its potential harms. Once you start the conversation you can let your children know that gambling is addictive and carries the same risks to a person’s wellbeing as a drug and alcohol addiction does. The gambling industry exists because it makes money, not the gambler.
This article was contributed by a member of Parenting Limerick, Brenda O’Keeffe, on behalf of Hospital FRC. Brenda provides supports to people impacted by harmful gambling. You can contact her on 083 2076403 or email bokeeffe@hospitalfrc.com for support or information. Parenting Limerick IS a network of parenting and family support organisations in Limerick. For more information on this and other topics go to www.loveparenting.ie. [...]
Cyber SafetyFebruary 4, 2023Homepage Display / Middle ChildhoodThe online cyber world is an important part of life for children and young people. Having regular and open conversations with them about their lives online is vital to ensuring that they have a safe and positive experience. Many parents can find it difficult to know where to start or how to begin the conversation. It’s also a reminder that we can easily find ourselves spending too much time online and responding too readily to the ping of the phone rather than our immediate surroundings.
Young people, the digital natives, have never known a time when technology was not fully embedded in their lives—the telephone attached to the wall is more like science fiction than reality. When young people spend too much time online, unsupervised and without any limits, it can have a negative impact on them in many ways—including their physical and mental health, their education, their ability to concentrate and their ability to connect and engage with other people.
Online activity can become addictive—the young person might find it more difficult to engage in other areas of life such as school, regular meal times, after school activities, outdoor activities and spending time with family and friends. We know that all of these areas are important for positive mental health and well-being in young people, so neglecting them can lead a young person to feel depressed, anxious or isolated.
There are also issues around safety—by posting online your child is creating a digital footprint. This is a trail that one leaves online when posting and sharing content. The anonymous and instant nature of the internet can also leave young people exposed to greater risks such as cyber bullying and harm from potential sexual predators.
Many parents are struggling to keep up with the rapidly changing nature of technology and to fully understand what their children are doing online. There are a few things that you can do to help keep your child safe online:
Talk to your child about their online activity, including what they like doing online, the apps and games they enjoy and what bloggers and vloggers they follow.
Explore whether they have any concerns about their online safety and what they could do if they ever felt unsafe or frightened
Review your child’s privacy settings with them—this can be a good conversation starter about privacy, what is deemed appropriate when sharing and the reasons why one might choose to keep some information offline.
Have clear rules and boundaries around the use of the internet and model this behaviour yourself.
This article was contributed by a member of Parenting Limerick, a network of parenting and family support organisations in Limerick. For more information on this and other topics go to www.loveparenting.ie.
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A Guide to Positive ParentingJanuary 28, 2023Home Life / Homepage DisplayWhat does parenting positively mean?
Most parents love their children, but sadly some children do not experience feeling loved. Parenting positively is about understanding each child as a unique individual and knowing how to communicate your love effectively. It is about listening, understanding, praising, encouraging and being a good role model for your child.
As positive parents, we need to be thinking not only of the immediate situation, but also to be asking ourselves such questions as:
How can I respond to this situation in a way that will help my child to grow?
What are the personal values I hope my child will choose?
Is my behaviour demonstrating these values to my child?
Will my actions help my child to grow to be a kind, caring, responsible adult?
Am I creating a family atmosphere where my child feels loved?
What are the benefits of parenting positively?
Parenting positively creates happier homes where children are naturally more co-operative. Children who grow up feeling secure and loved have lower stress levels, better overall health and are likely to do better at school.
It seems that different parents do things differently
Parents often express amazement at how two children from the same family, within the same home are so different. In the same way, parents vary in their own temperaments, their life experiences and the values on which they base how they parent their children.
Most of us start from the basis of the parenting style we experienced as children. We then either parent in a similar style or we react against that style and do the complete opposite. Be conscious of the reasons that you parent the way that you do. Ask yourself if the parenting methods that you use are positive and helpful.
What is meant by a ‘parenting style’?
Parenting style means the type of behaviour that you use when interacting with your child.
Many people are now trying to develop an approach to parenting that combines the most helpful aspects of these different approaches.
Autocratic (or authoritarian) parenting is based on the belief that the parent is always right and children must obey. Although this is helpful in some ways, as children need limits to keep them safe, children often feel frustrated and even unhappy because they feel as though what they think or feel doesn’t count.
Permissive parenting is where parents want their children to feel happy and to grow up with minds of their own, so they let the children do what they want. However, children need limits and often feel unsafe when there are no clear boundaries or consequences to their behaviour. If adults don’t take responsibility, children can feel insecure and can grow up to think only of themselves.
Democratic parenting aims to involve children in decisions about their lives, but the parent takes a lead role and encourages appropriate behaviour without using excessive control or allowing children to do whatever they want.
Is there a ‘right’ way to parent?
There is no one way to parent. Every child and every family is unique, with its own history and its own way of doing things.
Think about how you want to parent to help your child to grow up to be all that he or she has the potential to be. This isn’t about thinking about what career your child might follow, but about what sort of person he or she might be and what sort of values he or she will have.
Make a list of things at home that really matter to you, such as kindness, communication, honesty, fun. Then choose the three that are most important to you. When you focus on the outcomes you want to achieve, you will create a suitable environment in which your child can thrive.
How can I be a positive parent?
Children need to know that they matter to you, just for who they are. Although you want your child to do well, he or she needs to know that your love is unconditional – that nothing would ever end this love and that you always want to keep the connection between you.
Help your child to do things for him or herself and to gain confidence. Listen to your child and protect him or her – both physically and emotionally.
Part of protecting children is making sure that when you leave them in the care of someone else they are safe. Whenever you are arranging any form of child minding, make sure that this person (or childcare centre) will take care of your child’s needs – not only physically but emotionally too.
In many ways, children live in a different world to the one we grew up in, with mobile phones, the internet, PlayStation and many other gadgets that can make life more exciting, but also more dangerous. Children do not have the life experience to understand the dangers that may face them. You, as a parent, need to know how to keep your child safe.
Think about what your child needs:
Does your child know you love him or her, no matter what?
Do you discuss fair rules and keep these consistent, so that your child feels safe?
For example you might say, ‘You can choose to watch this television programme tonight or you can choose to keep your television hours for later this week.’ If your child chooses to watch the programme now, he or she can not also have the extra hours later in the week. Your child needs to experience the consequences of the decision he or she makes.
Do you acknowledge your child’s feelings, viewpoints and experiences (as well as your own)?
Do you allow your child to experience reasonable consequences for his or her actions (providing his or her physical and emotional safety is never put in danger)?
What information is helpful to keep on track with positive parenting?
Knowing more about how children are at different stages of their development helps you to understand what your child is going through, what he or she can cope with, where support is needed and what exciting new possibilities there are. Understanding more about your child’s development at this stage will guide you to make helpful decisions. This website’s ages and stages section is a great starting point.
How do I improve my parenting skills?
Combine your own experience with learning from other people, support groups, the internet, reading and parenting courses. The best teacher of all is your own child.
As children have different needs at different stages, it is helpful to take relevant parenting courses.
As you keep improving your knowledge, learn to trust your own inner wisdom and develop effective communication so your child can share with you how he or she is experiencing life.
Can anyone parent positively?
Yes, and being a parent should be an enjoyable experience.
Whatever parenting style you choose, remember that it is important to spend time with your child and listen to what he or she has to say. Aim to provide limits to keep your child safe but also have fun together.
“This information is taken from the Parenting Positively series, a series of booklets by Barnardos that provides information and guidance to parents of children between the ages of 6 and 12. The aim is to help to create a positive, loving and supportive relationship between you and your child. Please see www.barnardos.ie for further details”. To see the full Parenting Positive Booklet click here.
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How to Manage children’s Anger?January 25, 2023Health & Welbeing / Homepage DisplayPreviously, we looked at how to help your child to manage stress (click here for article). Now, we look at another big emotion that can overwhelm all of us from time to time and leave us feeling out of control: Anger.
Anger is a natural emotion that is meant to alert and energise us when there is a need to change a harmful situation. Anger can trigger a necessary response to a negative situation. If we let anger get out of control, however, it can damage our health, our relationships and those around us.
Modelling positive responses is so important in teaching our children how to manage their anger. If we fly off the handle, they will learn that this is okay. If we step outside of the situation, take some calming breaths and wait until we have calmed down to react, they will learn to do this too.
Our anger responses are learned behaviours. We can change them, but it takes some effort and time. Below are some ways to help deal more effectively with anger. It is really helpful to write things down what triggers us, how we feel and how we react. This can also be adapted to help children to recognise their own triggers and name their own emotions.
What Triggers the Anger? Write down those things that cause you to become angry. These might be external triggers (what others do) or internal triggers (what you say to our self or how you interpret an event)
Notice your body’s responses. Notice and write down your body’s response to anger producing situations. You might feel flushed or hot; have a pounding heart; a knot in your stomach; start grinding your teeth; have sweaty palms; you might clench your fists or tense your muscles; your breathing may become rapid, etc.
Use Anger Reducers. Notice and write down what helps to relieve the tension in your body and reduce your anger. It might be things like taking calming breaths, counting backwards; taking a walk; thinking of calm, pleasant images; conscious relaxing of your muscles; or thinking through your responses—what would happen if I lose control? Why am I getting so angry? Is it worth it?
Try Using Reminders. Write down words and phrases to help “cool” and refocus your thoughts. Use problem solving or questioning thoughts (“How can I solve this peacefully?”; “Why am I getting angry? What’s behind this?”). Try control and escape thoughts (“I can walk away” or “I can take some time out”) or forward-looking thoughts (“What will happen if I let myself get angry?”) Praise yourself (“Good! I’m not yelling. I’m staying calm)
Reflect on your Response. Write this down and think about your response to a situation that made you angry. What did you do? How did you feel? Were your grievances real or imagined? Did selfishness or jealousy feed your anger? Did your own thoughts feed the anger? What we the consequences? What did you do well? What could you do better next time?
Remember that trying to change behaviour and teaching your child these skills is not easy—it takes time and patience. No one handles every situation perfectly so remember to be kind and forgiving to yourself and your child.
This article was contributed by a member of Parenting Limerick, a network of parenting and family support organisations in Limerick.
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Managing StressJanuary 18, 2023Health & WelbeingOne of the biggest challenges in parenting is managing our own big emotions (stress, anxiety, anger, frustration) and teaching our children how to recognise and manage their own emotions. While some stress is positive in that it can motivate us and give us energy, too much stress has a negative impact on our health, our relationships and our overall sense of well-being. Because stress is triggered by our thoughts and circumstances, the more we can take control of these, the more we are able to reduce negative stress. The best way to teach our children to handle stress and other big emotions is by modelling positive responses. You don’t have to be perfect (that is far too stressful!), but below are some ways to help you and your child manage stress so that you can both be healthier and happier.
Learn to recognise the things that cause stress in your life. Observe yourself and your child and notice those times when you can feel your own stress levels rising or when your child seems stressed. There might be specific triggers (a particularly challenging relationship, bills coming in the door, sickness or bereavement); it might be more associated with lifestyle (lack of sleep or exercise, poor nutrition, too much screen time, feelings of isolation or loneliness) or it may be something from the past that hasn’t been fully addressed. Whatever it is, naming it and recognising your feelings and your response is the first step.
Develop a plan to reduce the stress. It’s easy to spend sleepless nights with your restless mind pinging from issue to issue. But, it really isn’t healthy. Write down what is causing the stress (for you or your child) and develop a clear plan to address the stress. Do you need to take control of your finances once and for all? What do you need to do? Does your child need help in addressing anxious feelings around school? What can you do? Who can you ask for support?
Find healthy outlets for stress. We can’t eliminate all stress from our lives, and we can’t protect our children from all stressful situations. They need to experience some stress in order to learn how to manage it and develop resilience. What we can do is ensure that both we and our children have healthy ways of dealing with the stress in our lives. Exercise, eating well, sleeping, laughing, spending time with people we care about and nurturing our interests and talents can all help us cope with stressful situations. Try and do positive activities with your child and encourage them to talk about their feelings.
This article was contributed by a member of Parenting Limerick, a network of parenting and family support organisations in Limerick. [...]
Soothers- Take it out for talking timeJanuary 12, 2023Homepage Display / Learning to Talk / ToddlersSoothers can be useful as they can help to soothe your baby at bedtime or when your baby is tired or upset. Studies have shown that up until the age of 12 months, using a soother while a baby is sleeping reduces the risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (also known as cot death). There are a number of disadvantages associated with the use of soothers past the age of 12 months, most of which impact upon your child’s speech and language development. Regular and extended use of a soother past the age of 12 months can lead to:
Middle ear infections (also known as otitis media): This is due to the fact that sucking opens the Eustachian tube, which is a tube that links the nose and middle ear, and this can allow bacteria into the middle ear from the nasal area.
Dental problems as the soother can affect the position of the teeth as they grow.
Overdevelopment of the muscles at the front of the mouth compared to those at the back of the mouth which may lead to a tongue thrust which means the tongue sticks out between the front teeth when talking.
Reduced babbling and experimentation with sounds. When a baby or young child has a soother in their mouth they are less likely to copy sounds adults make or to attempt to babble and play with sounds themselves. This is important in the development of speech skills.
It is important to realise that learning to talk can be tricky so toddlers need lots of practice. A soother may discourage your toddler from chatting with you, which they need to develop to learn new words and make sentences!
Advice for Parents
There is a lot of confusing advice available about the use of soothers and it is important to be aware of the range of arguments. Soothers may be useful in settling young babies and encouraging strong sucking patterns, but their specific usefulness declines after the age of about six months. The increased risk of ear infections, dental problems and limiting of babbling and use of sounds (both of which are essential in the development of speech and language skills) are all very good reasons for not giving soothers to infants after about one year of age, especially during the day and when they are interacting with other children and adults.
Here are some tips to think about if your baby is using a soother:
Try to wean your baby away from soothers, preferably by 12 months.
Soothers prevent babies from babbling- an important step in learning to talk, so only use them at set times, like bedtime when they won’t be babbling or interacting with others.
Always remove your babies soother when they are making noises, talking or playing so that they can communicate with you and their environment.
When your baby cries they are trying to tell you something, try to find out what is upsetting them first or try to distract them instead of resorting to the soother.
Never dip the soother in anything sweet! This leads to tooth decay.
Tips on making a clean break from the soother:
Choose a time when you have support for a few days (e.g. at the weekend) to throw away the soother. Most babies/toddlers will be upset for no more than two or three days. Be prepared for this and try your best to not give the soother back.
Tell your family and friends what you are doing so that they don’t give your child a soother by accident.
You could replace the soother with a special new toy or present. You could also give the soother to Santa or the soother Fairy and say they gave your child this present as a reward.
Prepare your child for giving up the soother before it happens so that they understand where it has gone.
Contributed, created and written by Little Voices Team. [...]
Nurturing Family Well-beingJanuary 11, 2023Home Life / Homepage DisplayOur weekly Positive Parenting column (Limerick Leader, Vale Star and Weekly Observer) shares information and tips on a range of parenting topics ranging from supporting the mental health of your baby, to helping your child prepare for school, to dealing with challenging behaviour across the age spectrum. As we embrace a New Year, below are some key messages to support you in positive parenting and building a strong, affectionate relationship with your child. We look forward to continuing this column in 2023, and, if you would like information on a particular topic or links to local support services, please visit us on www.loveparenting.ie, find us on Facebook or contact us on info@loveparenting.ie.
Below, we have pulled together some of the key messages across our articles in 2022.
The Parent-Child Relationship is Key.
A strong, loving relationship with a parent or carer is the most important thing for a child. It helps them to be healthy, happy and resilient. Remember it is never too early or late to start spending special time together.
Buy well, Eat well, Be well
Healthy food is important for all the family and is especially important for children’s growth. Include them in planning the menu, shopping and cooking meals. Try to eat at least one meal as a family each day. This is a simple way for everyone to connect.
A Positive Parenting Style Works
Give your child positive attention, lots of affection and specific praise. Set routines, rules and boundaries and try to be consistent—children thrive with a routine. Try to remain calm and model positive ways (deep breathing, taking a walk) of dealing with powerful emotions such as anger or frustration.
Child Safety is Key
Toddler proofing your home, using car seats, teaching road safety, learning basic first aid, supervising young children and knowing where older children are and who they are with all helps in terms of reducing child injury and raising happier children.
Baby see, Baby do
Be the role model your children deserve. Kids learn by watching their parents. Modelling appropriate, respectful behaviour works much better than telling them what to do.
Name it and Tame It
Communicating with your child is so important at every age. Parents and children who can talk to each other, share problems and address challenges together will have strong, healthy relationships. This will help you to cope with any challenging behaviour or crisis in a positive way.
Parents Need Good Social Networks
Parents need good social networks. Parenting is easier when you can talk with others or spend some time looking after yourself. If you are really struggling, talk to your GP, PHN or other trusted professional or friend to get some support.
These key messages were developed by Tusla, Child and Family Agency. For more information, please see www.parenting24seven.ie. Tusla is a member of Parenting Limerick, a network of parenting and family support organisations in Limerick. For more information on this and other topics go to www.loveparenting.ie. [...]
My child is stammering – what can I do?January 10, 2023Homepage Display / Learning to Talk / ToddlersStammering (or stuttering) happens when children or adults have difficulty getting their words out. As a result, their speech can sound broken up and this is often called ‘disfluency’. Some kinds of disfluent speech are a completely typical part of children’s speech and language development. However, there are some types of disfluency that might signal your child has a difficulty that could lead to stammering, and it’s important to know the difference so that you can seek help from your local speech and language therapist if needed.
Facts about stammering
5% of children will stammer at some point during their early years.
Stammering will resolve for four out of five of those children who begin to stammer. Some of these children receive speech and language therapy, but most resolve naturally without any therapy.
Stammering affects almost 1% of the population.
What does disfluency sound like?
Most children have times when they might sound like they are stammering, especially if they are upset, tired, excited, if they are eager to tell you something or if something has made them angry. Your little one is still learning how to make the right sounds and put their words in the right order to make their message known, and when they are upset, their mouths can’t always keep up with their brains and their feelings! During these times, they might not even notice that they can’t get their words out. You might hear them say the same word a few times, e.g. ‘he took my, my, my truck’ or ‘I lost – I lost – I lost my ball’. Their sentences might sound a little bit broken up, e.g. ‘My doll… my baby is gone’ or they might use lots of ‘um’ and ‘ah’ in the middle of their sentences. These moments can make your child sound very disfluent, as their sentences sound bumpy, but it’s actually a normal process and almost all children will experience it from time to time. This can happen often up until your child reaches the age of 4, but might happen less often up until the age of 6.
There are other types of disfluency that sound a little different and can suggest that your child might be having a lot of difficulty getting their words out. If you hear your child getting stuck on a word, or repeating a part of a word many times e.g. ‘Mu-mu-mu-mummy’, or if they drag out a sound for a long time e.g. ‘Paaa-ss me the toy’, it would be useful to take a note of how often you hear it happening. When children are aware that their sentences and words are bumpy, they might become embarrassed and avoid speaking; you might be able to tell just by looking at them that they are having difficulty, as they might seem tense or frustrated. If you notice these behaviours in your child, we recommend you contact your local speech and language therapist for advice.
How should I react when my child is disfluent?
It’s difficult to know what to do as a parent when your child is disfluent and it can be quite upsetting – should you try to help them by filling in the word or finishing the sentence, or should you ask them to slow down and take their time? While this might be your first reaction, it will likely make your child feel even more frustrated. It’s usually best to wait and let them finish, and talk back to them in a slow and relaxed way, as this will naturally help them to calm down without drawing too much attention to their difficulty. It’s important that your child knows you are there to listen, even if it takes them a little longer to get the words out.
Are some children more likely to stammer than others?
There are certain factors that make some children more likely to stammer than others. Boys are more likely to stammer than girls, and a lot of studies have found that stammering runs in families, so if you or another family member stammer or have ever stammered, we recommend seeking advice from a speech and language therapist about your child’s disfluency. Having other speech and language difficulties, for example if your child has delayed language or advanced language skills or if they are often difficult to understand, also puts them at higher risk of stammering. If your child becomes disfluent very suddenly, or if your child has experienced a traumatic or upsetting event around the same time as they started becoming disfluent, this is something you should mention to your speech and language therapist.
When should I seek further advice?
You should take note of what behaviours your child shows when they are disfluent, and check with the list above to see if they are more like normal non-fluency or if they are a cause for concern. If you notice this disfluency continuing on for longer than 6 months, if it seems to be getting worse, or if your child is reacting negatively to this disfluency (e.g. becoming embarrassed/ avoiding talking etc) has any of the risk factors mentioned above, you should get in contact with a speech and language therapist.
Things I can do to help my Child:
Having a short (5 minutes) one-to-one time with your child on a regular basis, when you are both calm and not in a rush and you are not likely to be interrupted
Thinking about your child’s general well-being, his sleeping and eating habits, his health and his pace of life
Looking at your family’s conversations – are you letting each other finish what you want to say? Is anybody hogging all the talking time? Do you interrupt each other when trying to speak? Am I asking too many questions?
Building your child’s confidence by focusing on what he is doing well and praising him for this.
Contributed, created and written by Little Voices Team. [...]
Promoting Positive BehavioursDecember 18, 2022Homepage Display / Middle Childhood / Pre-School Age / ToddlersBeing a parent is the most wonderful thing in the world. It certainly isn’t the easiest job but can be a very positive experience. We all need a little bit of support in our lives and some of us are more open to asking for that support than others. Nobody hands us a book of instruction when we have our babies but if you buy an item e.g. Flat-pack furniture in a shop it usually comes with an instruction book. Most of us follow those instructions and the final product turns out ok but what happens if we don’t bother we usually end up getting cross and giving out about ‘the silly thing’. What do we do then we READ the instructions.
Children are not born ‘good or bad’, they develop a range of behaviours. If a child is encouraged, guided, praised and rewarded for ‘good behaviours then we’ll see less of the ‘bad behaviours’. Children are children, not miniature adults and they think differently, understand things differently and need simple, easy and clear commands (instructions) and be encouraged and praised at every opportunity available to us.
For us as adults to use positive parenting in our everyday lives we need to follow some simple, easy steps and we need to be consistent when we decide to use them. Consistency is vital when using positive parenting skills. If we try something new with our child and it doesn’t work first or second time we need to keep working at it. We need to use praise, rewards and positive communication. Most of us only see the ‘bad behaviour’ and give the child negative attention for that behaviour when what we need to do is look out for the ‘good behaviours’(catching the child being good) and praise and reward the child accordingly.
We need to set good example to our children as children will model (copy) what they see. If we are shouting at our child well then the child will shout back at us. And nobody likes to be shouted at.
Staying calm can help us to stay in control and as parents we need to be in control as we are the adults. We need to set limits, have boundaries, rules and routines in our daily lives. Every where we and our children go will have these in place so we are preparing them for life in doing so.
Positive reinforcement works, and also helps foster independence, life skills and self-esteem. Isn’t this what we want for our children, for them to turn into independent adults with life skills and good self-esteem?
As they say ‘prevention is better then the cure’ and if we use positive parenting then we will see more of the ‘good’ behaviours in our children.
Provided by Community Mothers Programme, Limerick Social Service Council. [...]
Keeping Safe on Dark NightsDecember 14, 2022Quality Time We’re now very close to Christmas. The days have gotten shorter and the dark nights are creeping in. Many of us may be feeling the effects such as low moods or energy. We’re almost through the first semester school year, and the routines can become tiring for both parents and children. We start to look ahead with anticipation to the Christmas break, but Christmas can often be a time of stress for many of us. We might be worrying about how to cope with the extra financial pressure; it might highlight some stresses and strains in our family relationships; we might create pressure on ourselves for everything to be perfect (the surest way to start a family argument!)
So, during this in-between period, how can we make sure that we mind ourselves and our children? Below are some ideas about how to ensure that this time of year is tranquil and safe and a time for connection rather than isolation.
Get Cosy. A little bit of effort (a cosy fire, a warm pot of soup bubbling on the stove, some soft throws on the couch) can make a big difference. As the days get darker and colder, it helps to spend some time nurturing our senses and giving ourselves and our children a sense of comfort and security.
Get Active. The crisp, sunny days are made for outdoor adventures and enjoying the changing colours and light. Those cold, rainy, drizzly days can prove more challenging. It really is worth the effort to throw on the rain gear and get out outside, even for a short time. The exposure to light (even grey light) and the exercise can make a big difference in your mood. Have the raincoats and the wellies handy and encourage the whole family to get involved. The promise of big mugs of hot chocolate on your return may help!
Get Together. There is something to be said, for this time of year, when people tend to retreat inside. Think about simple ways to make this time together inside fun for all of the family—board and card games, simple activities like an obstacle course in the hallway, movie and pyjama nights can make the long nights feel special.
This article was contributed by a member of Parenting Limerick, a network of parenting and family support organisations in Limerick. [...]
The Importance of AttachmentDecember 6, 2022Homepage Display / Infants & Babies / ToddlersBuilding Brains – The Importance of Attachment in the first few years
When we talk about children and babies the word ‘attachment’ is often misunderstood. There is an almost hippie legacy, where images of a baby literally attached to a parent with a homemade papoose spring to mind. The reality, however, is very different. Attachment simply means the bond that you create with your baby, even before they are born. It is the bond that helps your child to grow and develop, and it shapes their thoughts, memories, emotions, expectations and behaviours.
For babies, it’s all of the things that you already do. The laughing, kissing, pulling faces, and the games of ‘peekaboo’ that are met with constant surprise and delight from your captive little audience. These moments don’t have to be planned and they don’t need equipment or toys. Take nappy-changing, for example. This is an interaction that happens many times a day with your child over an average 2 ½ to 3 year period. It could be a purely functional activity where you lie your baby down, swap a clean nappy for a soiled one and worry about what chores are yet to be done. Or, it could be a positive interaction with your baby that you both enjoy, where you can tickle her toes, blow on her belly or sing her a song. Those small things are teaching her to understand and reciprocate emotions, and assuring her that she is safe and loved. It provides what psychologists call her ‘secure base’.
For your toddler, it can be as simple as explaining to them that when you leave them at crèche or with a caregiver, you will be coming back for them. She has now learnt about expectations so she knows that you are coming back but a little reassurance removes any fear that she may have. The absence of fear is one of the most important factors in attachment. Sometimes what we see as simple chatter with children is actually the most important kind of security blanket that we can offer.
As children get older, it’s about keeping that communication ongoing, involving them in decision-making and taking an interest in how their day has been. While this can become a little more difficult during the teenage years, it is very important. Amid raging hormones, school pressures and the general ups and downs of growing up, one of the most valuable assets that your child has is the security in their relationship with you. Knowing that they can come to you with anything is a return on the investment that you made at the very beginning of their lives.
Every child is different but their needs are universal. To nurture your child so that they feel loved and secure is the most important gift that you can give. While it can often lose its way in between toddler tantrums and teenage silences, it is – and will always be – there.
[...]
Great rhymers, make great readersNovember 23, 2022Homepage Display / Learning to TalkThe importance of nursery rhymes for children:
Great rhymers, make great readers; Songs and rhymes are a cornerstone of language development, positive interaction and early learning in childhood. Some of your earliest memories may be of a family member or friend singing with you to ‘Round and Round the Garden’ or ‘Two Little Dickie Birds’. This is because from before we are born, our ears tune in to the rhythms and sounds of language. The sound of your mother’s heartbeat was the first rhythm you knew.
As young children hear and practice rhymes and songs, they tune in to the rhythm of language in sounds, words and phrases. They also hear and practice inflection, pitch and facial expression. Most importantly, this fundamental learning happens in a fun and positive way between children and adults.
In early infancy, nursery rhymes and songs pave the way for language, learning and communication. When we sing songs and rhymes with young children we are letting them hear repetitive lines and listen to the sounds of language. Babies are learning to look at faces and interpret meaning in facial expression. They are also learning to listen and begin to anticipate sounds and actions. Babies will often move their arms and legs in enjoyment, look intently at us or make sounds while we sing rhymes and songs. These are their signals to us, letting us know they are happy and keen to get involved. By
Going slowly
Using actions
Getting face to face at a baby’s level
you can help your child to get involved in songs and rhymes.
As children grow, nursery rhymes continue to be a key source of interaction and learning between children and adults. Nursery rhymes have been proven to be hugely important from a variety of language development perspectives as they:
Expose children to vocabulary they might not usually hear e.g. ‘fetching a pail of water’
Often tell a story with a beginning, middle and end. This teaches children that events happen in sequence, and they begin to learn how to understand and follow stories.
They have familiar patterns and they help children to learn easy recall and memorisation.
Toddlers and young children continue to benefit from and enjoy nursery rhymes as they get bigger.
Nursery rhymes use patterns and repetitive structures, so children begin to learn simple maths skills as they recite them. Many rhymes also use numbers, counting, and other maths words that children need to learn, such as size and weight.
Research has shown that awareness of rhyme and the ability to sing songs and rhymes positively supports children’s language development and early literacy and reading skills. The saying ‘great rhymers, make great readers’ holds true considering the range of essential communication and language skills children learn through rhymes and song.
Article provided by: Speech and Language Therapist, Little Voices – ABC Start Right & HSE Mid-West Speech and Language Therapy Department. [...]
Tips for Choosing ChildcareAugust 15, 2022Infants & Babies / ToddlersChoosing Childcare is a decision that faces most parents at some point in their parenting journey. It often involves trying to balance the parents’ need for childcare with that of their child.
Considerations for parents can include:
Practical issues
Is it affordable? Paid childcare in Ireland is expensive relative to other European countries. Costs vary considerably between services. You may be required to pay for days you child does not attend (due to holidays or illness). Additionally you may be required to pay for days the service is not open (e.g. bank holidays). To avoid any misunderstandings it is important to clarify the fee policy before taking up a place in the childcare service. Subsidised childcare may be available for parents with social welfare entitlements and/or attending certain education/training courses.
Is it accessible? Do the opening hours fit with my other commitments (e.g. work, study, school)? If my child is unwell can he/she still attend or will I need to make alternative arrangements? Is there a waiting list – if so how are places allocated? If my child has additional needs will the service make the necessary provision to accommodate these needs?
Emotional issues
Do I trust the childcare service I have chosen? Are the staff approachable? Before deciding on a childcare service, it is worth asking to see a copy of the most recent inspection report for the childcare service. The reports are also available online: Map
Can I avoid obligations/pay back to relatives/friends? Will I be expected to volunteer/fundraise on behalf of the childcare service?
Can I avoid the ‘competing mother’? Many parents worry that children will show a preference for childcare practitioner – the relationship between the parent and child is unique, no other relationship can replace that. The childcare practitioner creates the emotional climate and environment around the child in their care – as such it is important that you as the parent should like and respect the practitioner.
Group- is it socially desirable? Is the service rooted in the community – does it share my priorities and values? Does the childcare service purport to ensure access to particular national schools – if so please check the admissions policy of the national school.
Meeting the Child’s needs
Children have emotional, developmental and group needs that high quality childcare can support.
Emotional – children require a secure emotional bond with caregiver. This bond is one of the most important building blocks for good emotional well-being and mental health in later life and as such it should be good enough. Children should be afforded the opportunity to get to know their carer well – frequent changes in staffing are to be avoided.
Developmental needs – early years care and education provides a wonderful opportunity for children to explore a new part of their world, negotiate new challenges and make connections between what is known and new knowledge. The childcare setting can influence how that child thinks and what they think about. The child should be offered educational and developmental opportunities that are appropriate to his/her age and stage of development. Children learn through their senses, by doing, by playing, using language and feeling secure and loved.
Group needs – making the transition from the home environment is an important opportunity for the child to learn about social acceptance. The chosen childcare setting should be reflective and respective of the ethnicity and culture of the child. Children learn to be part of a group and it is through this group that meaning making occurs.
Awareness of and prioritising these needs can help to make the childcare choices easier.
Advice and support about local childcare options is available by contacting: Limerick Childcare Committee on 061 600918 Email: info@limerickchildcare.ie [...]
Toddler Tantrums and the Growing BrainApril 22, 2022Homepage Display / ToddlersChildren are amazing! We watch them grow from tiny infants to curious toddlers running around everywhere, asking endless questions, and learning to push boundaries. For parents and carers, managing challenging behaviour is often daunting. But brain science can help!
Today, we know a lot more about baby and toddler brains than we did 20 years ago. By age 3, brains are almost fully grown in size. Yet children at this age still struggle with sharing, waiting, or understanding words like “no” or “later.” It’s because that part of the toddler brain is not fully developed yet! We don’t expect children to be born knowing how to operate a washing machine – learning to cope with big emotions is much the same.
Experiences and the outside environment affect babies’ brain development. In the first five years of life, the brain grows from the size of a walnut to a grapefruit! Neural pathways are building with astonishing speed. Loving care shapes brain structure – it creates strong brain connections that become permanent. Playful talking, turn taking, singing, gentle touch and friendly faces stimulate the release of oxytocin, “the cuddle hormone.” This helps your little one feel safe and secure. You can’t really spoil your child with too much love!
When children experience stress frequently in the early years it can cause problems in later life. Ongoing exposure to cortisol, the stress hormone, can affect developing brains. It’s like central heating that cannot be turned off. Little brains become programmed to expect stress, making it more difficult for children to cope with challenging situations. A soothing touch and calming word give toddlers the security they need when they are having a tough time.
When toddlers have a tantrum, it’s a sign that they are feeling big feelings, and are struggling to control them. Knowing this, we can see why some behaviour management strategies don’t always work. Hoping that a child would sit still for a long time or say a heartfelt “sorry” might be expecting too much! Trying to be with your toddler during a tantrum, staying calm and naming their feelings for them will help them recover much quicker. It will also help keep your relationship strong and secure.
Remember, parenting is all about being good enough. There is no such thing as a perfect parent! Simply spending time together, playing and laughing with your child and learning to read their needs will help their brain grow. Soon, your little one will be off as a confident little explorer!
If want advice regarding your child’s development, or if you are feeling overwhelmed as a parent, talk to your public health nurse or doctor.
Top tips -The 5 R’s for healthy brain development
Relationships
Babies and toddlers need you! Getting to know what your baby /toddler likes & dislikes, their little personality helps build strong bonds – watch wait and wonder what can your little one do, delight in all they can do!
Responsive interactions
Following your baby’s lead – what are they looking at – interested in? Babies learn through all their senses, slowing down and taking time to look with baby at what is in their environment helps their brain to grow. Chat to your baby, wait and give them a chance to babble back. Babies are born social and love to gaze and gurgle at you while snuggled up close. Toddlers love when you play with them and join in their little games and chat.
Respect
Your baby / toddler is a unique and special little person. They need you to understand what they can do, and they need you to praise and encourage their efforts. Tantrum behaviour is not personal or a reflection on you as a parent—it’s a normal part of a toddler’s development. By providing support and love while your toddler is feeling out of control shows them respect and tells them they are important. This will help them learn to manage their feelings.
Routines
Routines offer security and safety. Young children do best when they know what is happening and what will come next. Try using everyday care routines (nappy changing, dinner time, bedtime stories) as opportunities to bond with your child. Remember that routines are best when they are flexible as baby and toddler’s needs change as they grow. Little ones can cope with change with your help and love.
Repetition
Babies and young children love repetition. You can provide a playful and stimulating environment by playing simple games such as peekaboo, sharing favourite books over and over again, messy play for toddlers and getting outside. These all help grow healthy brains and bonds. Just 15 minutes play a day makes a big difference!
This article was contributed by ABC Start Right, an early intervention project and member of Parenting Limerick. Parenting Limerick is a network of parenting and family support organisations. [...]
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