The most important job in the world is…
Being a parent! Parenting is in equal parts wonderful and challenging. With the right information and support, all parents can develop their parenting skills to provide happy, safe environments for their children. They can also have fun with their children and really enjoy their time together.
You don’t have to do it alone – because we love parenting!
Being a Parent is the Most Important Job in the world
We love to hear from you
Recent Posts
Providing evidence-based information and advice
Homepage
Christmas Fun for all the FamilyDecember 19, 2024Homepage Display / Quality TimeThe countdown continues, and a few days (or weeks) off loom in the near distance. While we all look forward to the down time when we don’t have to rush around and the normal routine of school lunches, homework and activities eases, it can be challenging, not to mention expensive, to keep everyone happy and relaxed over the holiday period. There are lots of events and activities around Limerick City and County that are low or no cost. Planning a few special trips out can be a great way of spending time together as a family; exploring something or somewhere new will give you special shared memories and lots to talk and laugh about.
Below are just a few ideas. For more information on events that are happening around Limerick, see www.limerick.ie/christmas
Plan a special day in the city centre or your local town centre. This does not have to be a shopping trip (and will probably be much more enjoyable if you keep shopping to a minimum!). Take a long stroll, listen to the music, marvel at the lights and soak up the atmosphere. A hot chocolate in a cosy café or a trip to the local playground can make it even more special. Check to see if there are any music performances in the area—most children really connect to music
Visit a local Christmas Craft Fair. Many schools and community centres hold Christmas craft fairs. These can be a great way of connecting in to your local community, meeting old neighbours and acquaintances and picking up a few last minute hand-made gifts. Children get a chance to see themselves as part of a wider community of people, which is great for giving them a strong sense of belonging
Take a late night drive or stroll to see the lights. We know that children thrive on routine, but many of them also love a change and doing something unusual as a family. So, one night, after dinner, why not hop in the car and drive around your area or pull on the boots and go for an evening walk to see the lovely light displays (both public and private)? Back at home, indulge in a special Christmassy treat
Visit a local attraction. Whether it is King John’s Castle, Lough Gur, the Foynes Flying Boat Museum and many others in between, there are lots of interesting places on our doorstep. While some of these may cost, look out for special offers and pack a picnic lunch to keep costs down. A winter picnic with a hot flask of tea to keep hands warm can be great fun
Pyjamas Days. One of the great luxuries of the holidays is having at least a day or two days where you don’t have to do anything or go anywhere. Even the most devoted sloth, however, might get a bit restless after days of doing absolutely nothing, so have a couple of low-key activities ready for those lazy days. Baking something special, doing a nice craft or having a family game evening can keep you all relaxed and entertained.
This article was contributed by a member of Parenting Limerick. Parenting Limerick is a network of parenting and family support organisations. For more information on this and other topics go to www.loveparenting.ie. [...]
A Stress Free Christmas?December 17, 2024Home Life / Homepage DisplayThe anticipation of Christmas is now at its peak—many of us are running around with the tick, tick, tick of to do lists in our head. We are swamped with advertising, and our children are starting to become overwhelmed by the excitement of it all. It is the season of giving, of hope, of drawing close to our nearest and dearest. In the run up to that, however, it can seem like the season of I want, I want, I want and for parents the season of I just can’t do enough. We want it to be perfect, to be magical, but that can create a huge amount of pressure that even the most accomplished of list tickers can’t achieve.
While every parent loves to see their child’s delight as they open the perfect gift, it’s important that we make sure we take some time to focus on the deeper meaning behind the holidays. This will help protect the family’s sanity (and bank balance) and give children the chance to develop important traits such as compassion and generosity.
Manage Your Child’s Expectations from the Start
Make sure that your child knows that a Santa list is a wish list—it doesn’t mean that Santa will bring them everything. Start a conversation about what your child really wants and why—this will help them figure out those things that are important to them.
Involve Your Child in Choosing Gifts and Making Cards for Special People
Creating something special or choosing a thoughtful gift gives children the chance to experience the real happiness that giving can bring. Talk to your child about what would please people in their lives and how much fun it will be to surprise them with something special.
Let Your Child Give Something Back
Whether this is giving money to charity, participating in a toy appeal, visiting neighbours or giving your time to support a good cause, let your child understand that they are part of a wider family and community and that they have important contributions to make.
Create Traditions Together
We all have an image in our head of what a perfect Christmas should be like—often, these images are very similar to the ones in the ads on television. Try to develop some traditions that are special to you and your family, whether it’s an evening family walk to admire the lights, a special breakfast you must have every year or a silly game you all play after dinner. Let your child contribute to this and it will be all the more special. [...]
Promoting positive emotional and psychological well-beingNovember 28, 2024Health & Welbeing / Homepage DisplaySometimes, as parents we just don’t know where to turn when it comes to supporting our children, teens, or even ourselves with anxiety and low moods. It can be difficult to know where to turn. In Limerick we do have a range of community and HSE services that can work with children, young people and parents across mild, moderate and severe psychological challenges. For more information about the services available in your area go to www.limerickservices.ie.
To enhance these services, Primary Care Child and Family Psychology Service Limerick, has created a Bibliotherapy resource with a focus on supporting children, adolescents, parents and families. When young people are dealing with psychological difficulties such as anxiety or low mood; or if they are facing difficult life experiences such as loss and grief or bullying, it can be challenging for them to make sense of what is happening and challenging for parents and caregivers to know how to best support them.
Bibliotherapy is an established and evidence based method using books and stories to encourage positive emotional and psychological well-being. The use of literature to promote positive mental health has been used for many years and is recommended by the National Institute of Health and Clinical Excellence (NICE) UK as a helpful early intervention in the treatment of mild to moderate anxiety and depression amongst other mental health conditions. Bibliotherapy offers adults, young people, parents, and caregivers’ helpful resource suggestions to better understand and manage emotional challenges.
Bibliotherapy can offer suggestion, guidance and direction in these situations. For children in particular, reading a story about a similar situation that they find themselves in can increase their self-awareness, help them to learn from the experience of others and can provide them with new ideas and solutions in their own lives. Some of the books included will also provide practical techniques and strategies.
The primary goal of the Primary Care Psychology Bibliotherapy resource is to provide a list of books that can offer a deeper understanding of a particular difficulty, and offer self-help and useful supports to parents/ caregivers, children and professionals. The Bibliotherapy has been curated by professionals in the field of psychology and each book has been specially chosen to help deal with the relevant topic. It is intended as a conversation starter and should be used to open up communication between caregivers and young people. The guide is organised by topic and each topic is then subdivided for the target audience (parents, children, adolescents). Each book is accompanied by a brief description of the book and photograph of the cover.
All of the books included in the resource can be accessed through Limerick Libraries, or through your local library. The first pages of the Bibliotherapy give more detailed information about how to join your local library. You can join the library and borrow books free of charge. Some of the books included in the Bibliotherapy are available through Limerick Libraries in Ebook or Audiobook format. These books will have the appropriate interactive symbol listed beside the description. If the book you are looking for is already on loan or is not available in the particular library you visit, you can speak to library staff in order to request a copy or to borrow the book from another library.
The Bibliotherapy resource is available on the HSE website and can be easily found by googling “HSE Limerick bibliotherapy”.
This article was written by HSE Mid West Primary Care Child and Family Psychology Service, St. This service is a member of Parenting Limerick. [...]
Child Development through PlayNovember 21, 2024Homepage Display / Middle ChildhoodChildren are born with a natural desire to play and explore. It is through this important “work” that they develop skills and learn about the world around them. As a parent you play the most important role in helping and encouraging your child’s play and exploration. Play is crucial to brain development andsupports the development of attention, concentration, motor skills, social skills and language. Play also helps to buildchildren’s resilience. Resilient children have a more secure and positive view of themselves and the world, as well as more adaptive coping skills when faced with stress and challenges. Play is a key feature in helping children learn about emotions as well as how to manage them. Young children cannot regulate their own emotions and so they rely on parents to co-regulate with them. This can be done duringplay when a child gets big emotions e.g. anger, or frustration. A parent that models a calm emotion-regulating response during this time is teaching their child to understand, accept and manage these big emotions.
Play provides space to develop a secure parent-child relationship which is essential to early development. Children respond best when their parent is fully engaged with them. Being fully engaged with your child means avoiding distractions particularly your mobile phone, and being fully attentive to them. Sit facing your child when you play and make eye contact. Your child loves to see your face and your emotions reactions. Follow their lead and their interests; be curious about what they are doing and incorporate nurturing touch such as hugs, a rub on the back or a special handshake. Talk to your child using simple language during play. This shows them that you are interest and tuned into what they are doing and such narrative is important for the development oflanguage skills.
The need to play and communicate begins at birth andcontinues right through life. A baby that is smiling, gigglingand looking at their parents’ face is playing and learning. Play changes as the child grows and looks different at different ages and stages. Between the ages of 0 and 4, sensory andmessy play allows the child to explore using touch, sight, smells and sounds. Messy play is not always the easiest for parents but it is incredibly important for eye-hand coordination and motor skills. Tough as it may seem, try to grin and bear the play-doh, paints, gloop, magic sand etc. and tackle the mess later when the valuable learning experience is over.
Around the age of 4 or 5 years, narrative play takes centre stage. Children use stories and characters, like the princess or superhero, to explore and retell scenarios. They may use their imagination to immerse themselves in the story. Role play allows children to take on roles they see in everyday life;mum, dad, teacher, doctor etc. All of these types of narrativeplay encourage children to think about and consider othersperspectives. They encourage the exploration of cause and effect as well as problem solving and the development of empathy.
As children get older they develop more independence in their play. They enjoy social play with peers and going to friends’ houses. With this play, they are learning to understand and adjust to social norms and rules, co-operate and negotiate with others, as well as developing their listening, communication and problem-solving skills. Although independence should be supported, children will still seek out parental involvement and support at times. Be ready when called on!
This article was written by Elisha Minihan, Psychology Assistant with HSE Primary Care Child and Family Psychology Service. The Child and Family Psychology Service are members of Parenting Limerick. [...]
Keeping Your Cool when Things Heat up at HomeNovember 11, 2024Home Life / Homepage DisplayWe all have those perfect family moments in our minds—the relaxed dinners where everyone shares the highs and lows of their day; the long country walks full of laughter and rosy cheeks; the cosy movie nights cuddled up on the couch. But, the reality of day to day life can sometimes be quite different. Early mornings, hectic family schedules, traffic delays, colds and flus, financial worries and the normal stresses and strains of growing up, can mean those lovely moments can quickly become fraught with tension, and we can all teeter on the edge of losing our temper.
This can also happen to our children who have to manage early mornings, long days at schools, lots of social interactions and activities and sometimes the pressure of holding it all together. When they finally get home and in to a safe space, they may find they need to let the stress and strain out somehow.
So, in a family, where everyone might be feeling some stress after busy days, it’s easy to see how the whole enterprise can unravel: tempers flare and your simple evening is full of stress; the homework is not done; the dinner is not cooked and you cannot even imagine how you will ever get them to bed.
Below are a few ways to get your evenings back on track when the strains of the day threaten to derail them.
Tune it to your own feelings.
Learn to recognise your own emotions and the signs that you are starting to feel really stressed. Think about what causes you stress-is it the pressure to get the dinner on the table? Is it your children arguing or whinging? Is it other stresses of work, finances or extended family are having a really negative effect on you?
Find ways to manage them.
If the rush in the evening is causing the stress, try to find some practical ways to reduce it. Can you meal plan, so making dinner is a matter of simply reheating on some days? Can the children help you with some of the preparation?
If you are under other stress from family members, finances or other worries, think about how you can take practical steps to address them. Even writing down a plan can help relieve some of the worry and give you space to focus on positive time with your family.
Tune in to the feelings of your children and other family members.
We have all let our own bad moods or bad feelings affect how we view another’s actions or words. Try to remember, however, that children are rarely trying to anger or annoy us on purpose. Usually, when they are upset, angry, irritable or defiant, it is because they are trying to tell us something or expressing a need.
Try to tune in to your child and learn when they are most likely to have these negative feelings. Does your child need to run around outside before they can focus on their homework? Do they need some quiet time alone? Are they worried or anxious about an upcoming test or an issue with friends?
Instead of reacting, take a deep breath, think about what they might be feeling and why, and calmly speak to them. They may not immediately respond, but know that staying with them in a calm and loving way will help them to manage their feelings.
Forgive and Restore
No parent or child is perfect. If you find that things do go wrong, be kind to yourself and your children. Give them a kiss goodnight; tell them you love them; forgive yourself and try again tomorrow.
This article was contributed by a member of Parenting Limerick. [...]
Explaining Big Issues to Not-So-Big PeopleNovember 11, 2024Home Life / Homepage DisplayCurrent news items don’t make for easy listening or reading. The cost of living crisis is still being felt and a very real issue for many families. The housing crisis and child homelessness continues to be an issue that pervades Irish society, and the wars in Ukraine, Gaza and elsewhere in the world seem to punctuate daily news. It is hard for us, as adults, to hear what seems like constant bad news but what makes it seem harder is the need to protect our children from it. One minute you’re in your car, singing along to your child’s favourite song. Then the news comes on and you’re fiddling with buttons at break-neck speed, trying to change radio station before the dreaded questions start coming from the back seat. ‘Mommy, why did that man have to go prison?’ Why is somebody missing, where did he go?’ While we all handle these situations and lines of questioning differently, there are a couple of things that are worth bearing in mind.
Try to answer questions in a way that is age and stage appropriate. A child of five, for example, needs surface information. Enough to feel that her question is being answered but not so much that it will scare her. Take, for example, the question about prison. You could begin by explaining that there are rules, maybe taking school as an example. Talk about how most people follow those rules but there are some (just a few) who don’t. When that happens, a judge has to decide what kind of time-out to give that person and sometimes, that time-out means having to stay in prison for a while. At five, this will generally satisfy her curiosity and additional questions might focus on the prison itself – what colour are the walls, what do people in there eat etc. For an older child of eight or nine, their focus will generally lean more towards the crime itself and this can be trickier. You may find that you have to offer quite a bit of reassurance around how rare these events are and assure her that your job is always to keep her safe. For teenagers, it provides an opportunity to take about and cause and effect, a reminder of how one poor decision can have lifelong consequences and of the importance of personal safety.
Don’t forget to line up your stories. There’s nothing worse than going to great lengths to find a suitable explanation for a question, only to hear ‘well Grandad said that man hurt the other man and then he died’. Talk to your partner, childminder and parents about how much information your child needs for their particular age so that you are all singing from the same hymn sheet. This is particularly useful when the birds and the bees conversations begin!
Bear in mind that you can’t shield your children from everything. Newspaper headlines in shops are largely unavoidable, as is the information available on social media (for older children). What you can do is let them know that they can always ask you questions, share their worries or fear with you and talk to you about things that they might hear and don’t understand. Google or Alexa might answer some of their questions, but they can’t climb into bed beside your child when she has a nightmare or is unwell.
This article was contributed by a member of Parenting Limerick. [...]
Supporting Your Child’s Sensory NeedsOctober 31, 2024Home Life / Homepage DisplayWhat is Sensory Processing?
Sensory processing is the ability to take in, sort out and make use of information from our environment. All activities in life involve the processing of sensory information. Information is received through all our senses, including vision, hearing, touch, taste and smell. Sensory processing also includes our movement and balance, our awareness of our body and its location as well as our awareness of our inner body cues.
We all have sensory preferences. Individuals can be over-responsive or under responsive to sensory information. Whether a child is over-responsive and/or under responsive to sensory input, the primary goal is to support and accommodate their sensory needs within their environment to promote their participation in daily activities. Failing to recognise and support these needs is likely to impact on learning emotions and behaviour.
Understanding Your Child’s Sensory and Emotional Needs
Behaviour is how a person reacts in response to things happening inside them (thoughts or feelings) and outside of them (their environment). As adults we often have the ability to tell others if something is bothering us or to identify and communicate if we have a specific need. Children are still developing the capacity to effectively identify and verbalise their needs. As such their communication is often done through their behaviour. As parents, sometimes our child’s behaviour can be confusing to us, making it difficult to see the underlying need, and this can be challenging.
Sometimes a child’s behaviour may be indicating an emotional need (for example overwhelm, anxiety, sadness, anger, happiness, a need for connection) or a physical need (for example hunger, tiredness, illness). Other times their behaviours may be letting us know that they are under or over responsive to sensory information in their environment. For example, you may observe a pattern where your child’s behaviour and emotions become dysregulated in environments where there is a lot of noise and bright lights or strong smells. This is not always easy to figure out but when we do so it allows us to identify the child’s sensory preferences and therefore support their sensory needs.
Supporting Your Child’s Sensory and Emotional Needs
Ensuring a good routine to support adequate sleep as well as a good diet and exercise help support physical wellbeing. Providing time for fun, connection and play with parents and others can fill their emotional cups. Ensuring that there are rules and boundaries that are clear and enforced with warmth and love are also important factors in helping children feel safe.
When we can step back, give ourselves space and time to calm and think about our child’s behaviour, then we can begin to come up with possible reasons to understand why it is happening. This can help us be more understanding and empathetic. We can help our children learn to identify and manage their own emotions by repeatedly providing them with co-regulation. Co-regulation is a warm and responsive interaction where parents help label and validate their child’s emotions by connecting with them and soothing their distress. We need to maintain boundaries, but we can also help with the difficult feelings that come with the upsets and challenges of life. The trickiest part of this can be recognising our own emotions and ensuring we stay calm and can respond and support our children in a warm and kind way.
Top Tips
Fill your child’s cup. Children need their ‘emotional cups’ filled daily, meaning they need to receive sufficient amounts of attention, affection, and security. When their cup is empty, children can be more prone to experiencing difficulties with their emotions and behaviours. It is important to incorporate daily, uninterrupted, one-to-one time together, where you follow your child’s lead, allowing them to choose what they would like to do or talk about with you.
Manage your own emotions. When your child becomes overwhelmed, has big feelings or becomes dysregulated from the sensory input from their environment, it is important to try to manage your own emotions and stay calm. Check in with yourself, and notice how you are currently feeling, before responding to your child. Being aware of these things, help you to tune into your child’s behaviours and understand the need they are trying to communicate with you.
Parental self-care. Parental self-care is vital to ensure that parents are best equipped to respond effectively to their child. When we don’t understand our child’s behaviour it can be difficult, and so it is important that parents ensure their own needs are being met. You can’t pour from an empty cup!
Identify appropriate supports. If your child’s behaviour is communicating some sensory needs or preferences, then you can put certain supports in place to help them get through their day. For children who experience hypersensitivity, one must consider sensory input from the child’s environment and how accommodations can be put in place to support the child, for example, creating a calm space to help them to regulate and lower their arousal from the overwhelming sensory input from their environment. For children with hyposensitivity, items like fidget toys, heavy work activities and visual timers can be helpful. It is important to keep in mind that each child is an individual, some trial and error may be required and there is no one size fits all strategy.
Link with your GP: If your child is presenting with sensory needs and behaviours that are impacting on daily functioning, you and your child may benefit from professional support. Speak with your GP, who will be able to sign-post you to the most appropriate support.
This article was contributed by Written by Miranda Comar, Psychology Assistant (Primary Care Child and Family Psychology Service, St Camillus’ Hospital), in conjunction with Senior Occupational Therapists Eimear Goulding (Barrack View Primary Care Centre), and Stephanie Van Haaren (Croom Primary Care Centre) on behalf of Parenting Limerick. [...]
How to help your young child adjust to the clocks going backOctober 22, 2024Homepage Display / Quality Time‘Spring forward and fall back’ is always welcome in the Autumn when that extra hour in bed for one Sunday morning is worth its weight in gold…unless you’re a parent of young children. This Sunday 27th October, the clocks with go back an hour. Dawn wake-ups are barely manageable in the summer even though the light makes it feel that the day has started. Starting your day at 5.30am on dark, windy October mornings is just cruel. It’s a double whammy of injustice when you don’t have the luxury of making yourself a coffee for fear that the noise of the kettle or machine will wake the other (sleeping for now) child. When you’re having lunch at 11am and longing to crawl into your bed by 4pm, maybe it’s time to tweak bedtime routines.
Babies and toddlers thrive on routine. The hour change can affect their little circadian rhythms for anything up to two weeks and they need a little help with that adjustment. From Sunday morning you’ll probably find that your baby or toddler wants to go to bed at what is now an hour earlier. Logically then, they are waking an hour earlier. Anybody with an over-tired, over-wrought little one who wants to sleep at tea-time knows that this is dangerous territory. If they nap, they won’t go down for the night until all hours and if they don’t, you may both end up howling from exhaustion!
To minimise the impact on routine, the easiest solution may be to stretch out bedtime by just 15 minutes a night, and do this every night for 4 or 5 nights until your baby is going to bed at their regular time. So last week, their bedtime was 7.30pm but this week they are really fussy and tired at 6.30pm. Start the bedtime routine (i.e. bath, feed, story and cuddle) at 6pm and put them down at 6.45pm. The next night, at 7pm and so on until you’re back to the old time. This should be reflected in later waking times, in 10 to 15 minute increments each morning. It’s hard but you’ll get there! Just try not to pick them up the minute they wake. If you let them self-settle, they may drift back to sleep. If they are fussy, take them back into bed with you and explain that it’s dark outside so everybody stays in bed until the sun comes up. If you start reading, singing or playing, your little one will take their cue from you and jump straight into awake mode.
The above advice generally works for children up to the age of about 7 or 8. For older children, the mid-term break from school means that their routine is probably pretty loose this week so bedtimes are a moveable feast. Try to start winding it back by Friday night, so that the first day of school isn’t harder than it needs to be. As ever, encourage books over screens as a way to wind down and keep a consistent ‘lights out’ time. As adults, we can often have difficulty with bedtime boundaries ourselves (the curse of our phones!) so it’s really important that we help children develop good bedtime routines and general structures around their sleep.
This article was contributed a member of Parenting Limerick. [...]
Taking the ‘Ouch’ Out of Sibling RivalryOctober 16, 2024Home Life / Homepage DisplayIt’s a universal issue the world over – the see-sawing of emotions between siblings. Best friends, outright foes and everything in between. Sibling relationships are very complex but also extremely unique because nobody else understands the context of your upbringing or your family’s dynamics like your sibling(s).
If you are a parent of more than one child, whether toddlers, tweenies or teenagers, it’s inevitable that you spend a fair amount of your time playing referee. Sometimes you encourage turn-taking and playing nice …….and sometimes you resort to bribery with nice treats or threats involving the end of screen time. Sound familiar? Well the good news is that a certain amount of discontent between brothers and sisters is beneficial to the development of key social skills. It’s an opportunity for them to learn how to share, to see something from someone else’s perspective, to develop empathy and become problem-solvers. There is also the in-built company and readily available playmate (if the age gap allows) element where you have more than one child. Yes, they might bicker like cat and dog some days but on rainy days, when nobody else is around, they will play together and entertain each other.
There will be times when you feel like the arguments between your children are maybe too much of a daily occurrence or are draining all positivity from your home. For those times, there are a few things that you could try: Firstly, don’t always intervene. Read the situation and gauge how much you can leave them to it so they can resolve it between them. Obviously, if biting (a toddler favourite) or giving a dead arm (the teenage go-to) is involved, you need to step in and explain that disagreements aren’t ever resolved physically. If they both want the same toy, hang back and give them an opportunity to work it out; Teach them to embrace their differences and similarities and to recognise them in each other, so that a more confident, outspoken sister doesn’t always shout down her quieter brother; Remind them often how lovely it is that they have each other; Finally, one of the most effective things you can teach your children is to give each other space – when they are respectful of that and know when to walk away, you might find that you need to use the referee’s whistle a lot less.
Provided by ABC Start Right [...]
National Coming Out DayOctober 11, 2024Homepage Display / TeenagersYOUR CHILD JUST COME OUT ABOUT THEIR GENDER OR SEXUALITY. WHAT NOW?,
Did you know Tuesday 11th October was National Coming Out Day? For many children who have close relationships with their parents or caregivers they feel comfortable to share information about their gender, or orientation. However, For many parents or caregivers this can come as a surprise, or an unexpected piece of information.
In GOSHH (Gender Orientation Sexual Health HIV), we often hear caregivers say things like, ‘’I didn’t see it coming’’ or, ‘’I just wasn’t expecting them to say that!’’. We also hear them tell us how much they care about their children and ‘’we only want the best for them’’. This can be a difficult place to be and can often feel like being stuck between a rock and a hard place with a lot of emotions thrown in.
Caregivers may sometimes feel fearful that their ‘’child is now a stranger and a completely different person’’. They are also ‘’fearful for their safety or wellbeing’’. These are perfectly normal, and natural responses to being told something unexpected, or that you believe, will put your child in danger. Caregivers may also feel this is just who their child is, and want to make sure their child is treated just like everyone else.
A lot of caregivers grew up in an environment where people who are transgender, non binary and gender fluid, those who are Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, or other genders and orientations, were shunned from society, or shamed, because of who they are. Today, we live in a country where a person’s gender and orientation is protected by legislation. Homosexuality became legal in 1993, Marriage equality in 2015, and Gender recognition in 2015. There is still learning, growing, and figuring out to do. We hope that our society will continue to value and celebrate people in all their facets.
In GOSHH, we know from working with young people that the world is changing and for a large proportion of them, a person’s gender is just another piece of information. They find it easier to adapt and correct their language.
We know from research that before a person comes out they are often sitting with this information for a considerable amount of time. Caregivers may feel a pressure to ‘catch up’ and come to terms with this new information about their child quickly. We also know that this takes time. Caregivers can sometimes find this more difficult, understandably. If you have known someone for a long time, and are used to referring to them one way, it can take time to change your language with, and about them.
This may or may not take a while to figure out or adjust. It is important to mind yourself and allow yourself the space to understand what you are feeling, and protect your relationship with your child. Treating your child how you would like to be treated is often the first step.
Some pointers to help:
Caregivers may feel loss, grief or confusion. They may have hopes about their child’s life and may need time to adjust.
Information online can be overwhelming. Try not to get bogged down in the jargon.
If you find yourself struggling with words and getting them wrong, its important to acknowledge these errors, address them and move on.
The support you get at this time is important. Your feelings and reactions are valid. Reaching out to someone you trust is important. As they say! Please put on your own mask before helping others!
You are not alone in this! You are not the only family in the Mid-West, not the only family in Limerick, and may not be the only family in your child’s school.
Allow your child space to figure this out with gentle reassurance, that when they are ready, you are there.
Caregivers may be exceptionally hard on themselves. Don’t underestimate the fact that this is still the child you raised, or you are an important part of their life and they’ve felt it important enough to share this with you.
The world moves fast, taking your time to figure this out is ok. There are supports available to you and your family as well as your child.
Sometimes caregivers forget that they too, need kindness and care. Don’t forget yourself.
We’re only a phone call or email away, our phone number is 061 314354, our website is goshh.ie and our office is Redwood Place, 18 Davis Street, Limerick.
This article was contributed by GOSHH, a partner organisation of Parenting Limerick. [...]
Supporting Reluctant TalkersOctober 3, 2024Communication / Homepage DisplayWe can all be reluctant to speak at times, whether it be due to shyness, a lack of confidence, fear of making a mistake, or a speech and language difficulty – and children are no different. A common example of this is how many children tend to be quiet when they first start school. This new environment may make them nervous, or even overwhelmed at first, but with gentle support, many, if not most of these children will be talking within a few weeks.
As a parent ‘tuning in’ to what your child is feeling (i.e. putting yourself in their shoes), acknowledging their feelings and re-assuring them can be helpful. For example “I can see that talking is difficult for you right now. I’m not worried about this as I know that you will talk when you are ready to do so”. It’s important not to put any pressure on children to speak in situations where talking might be difficult. They will talk when they are ready if no pressure is placed on them. It is important to listen to, validate and normalise their feelings. You can explain that some things are difficult for you to do also but that these get easier with time and practice e.g. ‘You feel worried because it’s your first time doing this. When I was your age I was scared when I went to my first play date but when I gave it a go it was easier the next time”.
It is worth noting that children may be particularly reluctant to speak if they are learning a new language. So long as they continue to talk freely to family members in their native language within earshot of other people, laugh or cry out loud, and use gestures such as pointing, to communicate, there is usually no concern. This ‘silent period’ can last anything from a number of weeks to months, while the child gains confidence in speaking the new language.
In some cases, children’s difficulty talking is due to as significant anxiety. This is known as Selective Mutism. Selective mutism can be categorised by intense, prolonged and consistent feelings of fear towards the physical act of talking. Children with Selective Mutism want to talk but cannot because the simple act of talking creates a sense of panic. This is different to children who may be reluctant to talk due to reasons such as a lack of interest in communicating, being overwhelmed, shyness, or being embarrassed about their speech. This is different to the ‘silent period’ when learning a new language.
Selective Mutism is a consistent failure to speak in specific social situations where speaking is expected despite speaking in other situations. For example, a child may be unable to speak in the school setting. Children with Selective Mutism will suddenly stop talking, start to whisper or physically freeze when they get close to other people they are not comfortable around. They may describe a feeling of a blockage in their throat as their muscles tense up preventing them from talking, laughing or crying out loud. They may wish to speak but are physically unable. If a child presenting with selective mutism, support may be required from health care professionals to help them to overcome it.
Top Tips to reduce your child’s anxiety and encourage talking
Below are some strategies which can be used to reduce your child’s anxiety and encourage talking:
Reduce pressure to talk: Reassure your child that they don’t need to speak until they’re ready, e.g., “It’s okay you don’t have to talk at Mammy’s friend’s house.”
Focus on capabilities: Encourage participation by highlighting what your child can do, e.g., “You can help me set up the game.”
Talk positively about mistakes: Emphasize that mistakes are part of learning, encouraging practice and resilience, e.g., “It’s great that you’re trying; mistakes help us improve.”
Avoid open-ended questions: Use yes/no or choice questions to reduce pressure, e.g., “Did Billy come to school?” or “Did you play football or tag?”
Use comments for opportunities: Make statements that invite response without pressure, e.g., “That’s a nice tower you’re building,” or rhetorical questions like “That’s a fun game, isn’t it?”
Encourage speaking opportunities: Pose questions that prompt your child to speak, e.g., “I wonder where that piece of jigsaw goes?”
Normalize speaking: Treat speaking as a normal occurrence when it happens and don’t bring too much attention to it.
Smile reassuringly: Maintain a positive demeanour; if others question your child’s silence, respond with supportive language, e.g., “She’s just listening today.”
Acknowledge difficulties: Let your child know you understand that talking can be challenging and that they can speak when they feel ready.
Share these tips with family, friends and teachers so that everyone is using the same strategies.
This article was contributed by the Primacy Care Child and Family Psychology Service, a member of Parenting Limerick. [...]
Encouragement versus PraiseSeptember 30, 2024Home Life / Homepage DisplayIn most parenting literature today, you will find the words ‘encouragement’ and ‘praise’ together, as if they were the same thing. Rudolf Dreikurs, a pioneer of democratic parenting, says they are not. It is an area of parenting that is worth some reflection.
Encouragement is about creating ‘courage’. It also creates self-belief and allows others to see their own strengths. This in turn leads to high self-esteem – the ability to believe that we have what it takes to achieve what we want.
We know from experience the results of encouraging children to try something. When we say things like, “Go ahead, give it a go” and the child gives it a go, we say “Well done, at least you tried it”. The result doesn’t matter – it is the effort that is being recognised. This is the crucial difference between encouragement and praise.
Praise, on the other hand, is intended to raise self-esteem but often has the opposite effect. Praise can create ‘praise junkies’, that is, children who depend on other people to feel good about themselves. Without praise, a child might think they are not good enough.
There can be unintended results from some forms of praise that can have far reaching effects on confidence and self-esteem. The type of praise that can create problems is evaluative praise, that which evaluates a person, or a child.
Praise is often given from ‘one who knows’ to ‘one who doesn’t know’, e.g., “you set the table very nicely” (judging the way it was done = praise) instead of “I saw how careful you were with the glasses” or “thanks for your help” (observing the effort = encouragement). Praise comes from the superior position of a parent or a teacher, to what is seen as an inferior one, of child or pupil. Praise often judges a successful result but can miss the effort that was put in.
When we praise, it is our thoughts and opinions we are giving. When we encourage, we are motivating others to think for themselves and to approve of themselves, not depending on others for approval.
Encouragement accepts imperfections and likes people to keep trying.
Encouragement puts the courage into children to just try, because it only focusses on effort. It accepts the child as they are. Encouragement allows for mistakes as part of the learning. It also knows that a child wants to belong and be accepted into society, that as parents we do not need to make them comply. Simply by using encouragement, and other positive parenting techniques children will adapt and conform because it is in their own interest.
Top Tips: Differences between encouragement and praise
Encouragement
An attitude of belief in the child: “I believe in you. I believe you can do it”
Addresses the effort: “Well done, good effort”
Emphasizes effort and improvement: “I saw how careful you were doing that job!”
May be given during a task: “I see you are trying your best!”
Shows acceptance: “Thank You!”
Fosters independence: “You tried, and that is fine!”
Allows self-evaluation: “What do you think?”
Creates self-esteem and self-confidence: “How do you think it went?” “Are you happy with how you did?”
Evaluative Praise
A verbal reward for the child: “You are a great boy, you did it!”
Centred on the person: “Good Girl for doing that”
Creates superior/inferior mentality: “You are the best!”
Job must be well done/completed: “Perfect!” “You did it!”
Is judgmental: “It’s spotless!”
Fosters dependence: “You did a good job but it could be better. Here, I’ll show you!”
Emphasizes other people’s opinions: “I think you are right/wrong”
Develops self-consciousness and dependence on other’s opinion: “What do other people think of me?”
This article was contributed by Ballyhoura Development, a member of Parenting Limerick. Parenting Limerick is a network of parenting and family support organisations. For more information on this and other topics go to www.loveparenting.ie. [...]
National Breastfeeding Week: The Importance of Supportive PartnersSeptember 30, 2024Homepage Display / Infants & BabiesThe benefits of breastfeeding are both immediate and lifelong – it provides on-tap nutrition as and when baby needs it and creates the building blocks of brain development and immunity that will carry your child through life. The fact that something is natural doesn’t mean that it comes naturally or is easy and breastfeeding is no exception. It takes practice and persistence and, more importantly, it takes support. If your partner, friend or relative is breastfeeding, there are a few things that you can do to make things a little easier for her. Some of these tips are also worth bearing in mind when you’re sitting beside a breast-feeding mom in a café. Sometimes all she might need is an understanding smile or a nod (rather than the downcast eye because you think looking in her direction could be perceived as creepy or rude!).
It’s worth having a discussion before the baby arrives about what the expectations are. If your partner intends to breastfeed, she will be doing all the night feeds to begin with so talk about what you can do. By bathing baby every evening, for example, you will have some one-on-one time with them and your partner can take a nap. Plans made in advance usually run more smoothly than those made during periods of major changes and sleep deprivation! After baby has fed, if he needs to be winded or changed, that could be where you offer to step in. Never under-estimate the value of doing what seems like a mundane task or enabling your partner to have free hands, even if only for a few minutes. Acknowledge that it’s a tough job but she’s doing it brilliantly. It may seem like a moot point but when you’re bleary-eyed from tiredness and your body feels like it belongs to someone else, the smallest amount of praise can really spur you on.
Have a think about the physical things you can stay on top of for your partner or friend too. Keep her topped up with fresh water (think hangover thirst on a hot day – that’s how much hydration a breastfeeding mom requires), healthy snacks, comfortable pillows and within reach of TV remotes, books etc. Look up what you don’t understand – a quick google search can often yield a new insight when you or your partner are feeling a little overwhelmed.
Breastfeeding might all be new to you but the payoff is tremendous so invest some time and thought into supporting its ongoing success. For quality-assured information on breastfeeding go to www.breastfeeding.ie.
Top tips for parental self care
While parenting is the most rewarding the job, inevitably there are times when you feel over-worked and under-valued. Some things to bear in mind to keep those times to a minimum:
Cut yourself some slack: Remember, the ‘perfect parent’ doesn’t exist. Be a good enough parent for your child – that’s all they need.
Don’t hold it all in: Let your partner, family or friends know when you need some help. Whether its support, advice or babysitting, ask. The fastest way to get over-whelmed is to fall into the ‘I must do it all’ mind set.
Try not to compare: This applies to yourself or your children. Yes, your colleague might have glossy hair and children who are in bed every night by 8pm but she might be exhausted and her children may refuse to eat anything that resembles a vegetable. We all have our battles.
Double up where you can: A walk by yourself gives you some head space and some cardio, elevating your mood and heart rate at the same time. That’s some TLC for your mental and physical health.
Be a great role model: Your children will only learn the value of taking personal time and space when it’s something you attach a value to. Lead the way!
This article was contributed by a member of Parenting Limerick. [...]
Minding our own Mental HealthSeptember 6, 2024Health & Welbeing / Homepage DisplayThe demands of day-to-day life can create stress, which in turn can lead to mental health difficulties and result in parents and carers feeling as though they are unable to cope. With the return to school looming large and the cost of living crisis hitting a lot of families hard, it is important, that we can manage how we respond to events in life.
For many parents and carers, the idea of self-care and of taking some well-deserved ‘you’ time can seem like an alien concept. Parents and carers often worry that if they take some time out for themselves they are being selfish. To the contrary, it is important that parents and carers continue to explore and engage their own passions and interests where possible. This can help to ensure your identity as an individual remains intact – and happy parents often make for happier kids.
Taking time out for yourself by choosing to, for example, go for a walk, take a bath, catch up with a friend, or pursue your interests, sends a very positive message to your child/ren about the importance of taking care of yourself. Role modelling positive self-care also demonstrates to your child a powerful strategy for managing any stress they might experience. How we react to stress will influence how our children react to stress.
We can all feel pressure at different times in our lives. Having responsibility for a child or children can present extra challenges to a parent or carer’s mental health. These challenges may include worry, fear, a lack of knowledge, a feeling of being overwhelmed, loneliness and more.
Each stage of parenting brings with it its own set of demands. When children are infants, parents and carers experience sleepless nights due to teething or any other number of issues. When children grow into teenagers and gain a degree of independence, parents and carers may experience sleepless nights until their children return from discos and late-night socialising.
Social media and how we interact with it can have a big influence on how we view ourselves. While many parents and carers find parenting blogs and social media influencers (who share their experience of parenting) beneficial, some may find themselves negatively comparing themselves and their parenting abilities. Remember that challenges associated with life and parenting can be under-represented by influencers who wish to present content which is purely positive.
It is important to know that support is available to any parent, carer or individual who may find life, or parenting, overwhelming and may experience stress, or mental health difficulties. Further support and information is available at www.yourmentalhealth.ie. If you are concerned about your mental health, contact your GP for an individual consultation.
Top Tips for Minding Your Mental Health
Get enough sleep: When we are not fully rested, it is more difficult for us to manage our emotions. Our response to daily challenges and things that would not normally annoy or irritate us could mean we find it more difficult to cope.
Eat healthily: At times of stress, we might lose our appetite while others reach for the sugary snacks. This is because stress affects our hormones and this in turn influences what we choose to eat. Try to make healthy choices and eat regularly.
Relax regularly: you may be a parent, but you are still you. Your role as a parent is just one aspect of your life. Rest and relaxation is good for the soul as well as the body. For some people, relaxing might involve taking some time out to read a book, take a bath or practice some yoga or meditation exercises
Exercise: this releases endorphins, which make us feel in better form. People who exercise regularly can experience benefits including a boost in their mood. Taking exercise can be as simple as going for a 30-minute walk.
Join a social club: Feeling connected with other people can help us to feel a sense of solidarity. Joining a club may not be for everyone. If it’s not for you, why not explore other ways to help you feel socially connected – such as meeting a friend for coffee?
Keep in touch with friends and family: there is truth in the proverb that ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’. Having a friend or family member who will listen to you and support you can help you to realise that you are not alone.
This article was contributed by a member of Parenting Limerick. [...]
Back to School AnxietyAugust 29, 2024Back to School / Homepage DisplaySchool has been back for a couple of days now. Some children can become anxious around this time of year when they do return to school, particularly so in this post covid world. All children experience some level of anxiety. Some of the signs include agitation, restlessness, inattention or poor focus, physical symptoms like headaches or stomach aches, withdrawal, or tantrums. Sometimes, your child might even refuse to engage in an activity they once enjoyed. Our role as parents and carers is to understand this anxiety and help children to overcome it.
Why does this happen? Signals in the child’s brain perceive a threat or danger (even if there is none). Your child may be worried about changing teacher, the increased homework, or starting a new school. The body is then flooded with a stress hormone (cortisol), which causes a child to react in a certain way. The key is to regulate this part of the brain through sensory engagement, calming supports and thinking strategies.
An important way to support your child if they are feeling anxious is to ensure they feel connected and safe. Research tells us that children need 12 physical touches/connections to feel connected to a parent in one day. So give plenty of hugs and cuddles, especially before and after transitions. I highly recommend 15 minutes of un-interrupted play time with your child per day. Let the child lead, and choose the game that they want to play with you.
Think of engaging all your children’s senses. Sensory and messy play is great to help regulate your child and could also be a great activity for you both. Tactile play with slime, play dough, or messy materials can be fun. Other sensory approaches may involve using lavender oils, which can have a calming effect, or citrus smells which can help uplift, if your child tends to disassociate or withdraw.
Encourage the use of your child’s imagination by getting them to draw or role play their worry. Help them challenge the “what if’s” (your child’s worry) always come to a positive conclusion and state how as a parent you will help the child overcome the worry.
When you play together, facilitate empowerment and confidence by creating little challenges that the child can overcome, “woah, you didn’t think that you could do that and you did it!” I knew you could do it”.
Top tips for supporting anxiety in children
Children express anxiety and stress in variety of ways, from behaviour changes to bed-wetting, tantrums to withdrawal. While their expression of anxiety can be very varied, your response to it needs to be consistent:
Encourage expression: When you’re child says ‘I’m scared’ or ‘I’m worried’ try not to respond with ‘no you’re not, you’re a brave girl’ etc. Let them explain their fear/anxiety and then talk it through together.
Encourage your child to face their fears: Let them know that you will be right there by their side. If it’s a fear of the dark, hold their hand as they enter a dark room. If its separation anxiety, give then something small of yours (a photo, keyring etc.) to keep with then until you’re back. They don’t always need you, they just need reassurance that you’re coming back.
Teach them that perfection is a myth: Whether it’s colouring outside the lines or not doing too well in a game or test, always try to reiterate that everybody has strengths and weaknesses. Knowing that it’s ok to not be the best at everything is a really important life lesson for children and it builds resilience for adulthood.
Show them how to take time out: An over-scheduled child can become an anxious child. Be a role model – take breaks from your work, leave your phone on silent for set periods of time and just hang out together. Down time helps the mind and body to relax but children have to be taught to value that rather than seeing it as ‘boring’.
This article was contributed by Claudia Maloccas, Play Therapist with Hospital FRC, a member of Parenting Limerick. [...]
Communicating with Your Teen: Challenging BehaviourAugust 28, 2024Homepage Display / TeenagersA well known Italian proverb says ‘little children-headache; big children- heart-ache.’ To say raising teenagers can be a challenge as much of an under-statement as saying the Irish weather could be better. At the best of times parents struggle to remember what it felt like to be a teenager themselves. When you throw a teenager with challenging behaviour or attitude into the mix it’s nearly impossible to react instinctively in a way that will help the situation. Like every difficult situation in life, planning well in advance is crucial if you want to achieve a successful outcome with your teenager during times of challenging behaviour. This article will briefly look at some strategies from various parenting programmes that you can practice that in time will help to resolve challenging situations. The parenting programmes that the article will draw from are Non-Violent Resistance and Restorative Parenting.
Non-violent resistance (NVR) addresses violent, destructive and harmful behaviours in children and adolescents. The methods and ideas of non-violent direct action and resistance from Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King and Rosa Parks are used in community and family settings to help parents and carers with their parenting. NVR can help parents and carers overcome their sense of helplessness. It can help develop a support network that will stop violent and destructive behaviours both in and out of the home.
The Restorative Parenting programme looks at how parents can more effectively deal with conflict. Through exploring how they themselves respond in times of conflict they become better equipped in understanding their child’s behaviour and are more prepared to respond in a more effective and restorative way.
For the purpose of introducing these strategies let’s paint a scenario which the article will refer to in order to demonstrate each strategy more effectively. “Your fifteen year old son storms into the house, slams the front door and throws his school bag on the floor. He shouts ‘what are you looking at?’ at his younger sister and shoves her out of his way’.
Timing
The Non-Violent Resistance Parenting Programme has a great expression-‘strike when the iron is cold’. Sometimes when your teenager or even you yourself are feeling angry it is a good idea to pick a time at a later point to discuss the negative behaviour. It is not ‘giving in’ but is a tactical withdrawal. In the above situation, addressing the teen’s behaviour there and then may lead to further escalation. It may be more sensible to say “I will chat to you about this later when we are both calmer”. Saying “we” instead of “you” prevents him from becoming defensive. None of us have ever gotten calmer by somebody accusing us of not being calm! Ask yourself -Is now a good time to deal with this? Is he in the right frame of mind to listen to me? To quote another well known proverb- “Knowledge is knowing what to say. Wisdom is knowing when to say it”.
Tone
Whether you are simply informing your teen that you will speak to him later or you want to actually deal with the issue there and then, ask yourself what tone of voice would I like him to use with me? You should then use the same tone of voice with him.
Content
What you say is as important as how you say it. Try and use “I” statements. For example ‘I feel annoyed when you slam the door and hurt your sister’. This is more effective than using “You” statements like ‘You make me so mad’. These lead to defensiveness. Also try and spell out in a clear manner what impact his behaviour (not him as a person) has on others. For example ‘Your sister feels afraid when you shout at her and shove her’. This over time helps the teen to build empathy for the impact of his behaviour on others.
What’s going on in the background?
It can be very easy to fall into the trap of reacting to the behaviour that is presented to us without taking the time to explore what’s going on behind it. The Restorative Parenting Programme suggests that we look beyond the behaviour and look at the following. What is the person actually feeling? Why are they feeling that way? Is anyone else involved? Teenagers are still developing emotionally and need your help to become emotionally mature. Anger is often the emotion they present with but is often not the real emotion they are feeling. The reason they express the real emotion as anger is that anger is a safe emotion for them to express and does not leave them feeling vulnerable. If you can explore with them what happened in the lead up to their challenging behaviour you can then assist them in naming the actual emotion they are feeling. This not only shows you care and can calm the situation but it also helps the teenager to become more emotionally intelligent.
Are you listening?
If and when your teenager starts expressing themselves ask yourself over and over again ‘am I really listening?’ All too often we are waiting for them to take a breath so we can interrupt with the ‘expert opinion’. When they take a breath-take a breath yourself. Once you are confident they have finished speaking maybe ask them if it’s okay for you to make a suggestion or give an opinion. You will be surprised how much better a teenager will react to your advice if you first ask their permission.
Prioritise behaviours to tackle
If your teenager has numerous behaviours that are frustrating or upsetting you it can be very easy to feel like a ‘nag’ all the time. Sit down and write down every behaviour that is having a negative impact on your home. Include the smallest ones (e.g.-not bringing down washing) to the most serious ones (e.g.-aggression). Pick the two that are having the most negative impact on your home and prioritise these. Either ignore or negotiate the rest of the behaviours for a period of time. When a parent is constantly ‘nagging’ a teenager about all the behaviours they switch off and don’t hear any of what you say. By prioritising the most serious behaviours for a period of time you increase the chances of them hearing and taking on board what you are saying.
Praise efforts
The famous TV Psychologist Dr. Phil often says that it takes one thousand ‘Atta boys’ to overcome one ‘you’re no good’. There is no doubt that in stressful times every parent has said hurtful things that they later regret. Teenagers can hold on to these negative hurtful comments internally and this can subconsciously fuel their future negative behaviours. Make a concerted effort to ‘catch your teenager being good’ and praise them. This may be difficult to do when you are feeling frustrated with other behaviours but it does work over time. Not only does it make it easier for them to accept criticism for negative behaviours but it also slowly chips away at their internal memory of past hurtful things that you may have said to them in anger.
Like every new skill we try and develop, the above strategies will take practice. You will absolutely get them wrong at times and revert to past negative reactions but you will learn from the mistakes and make progress in dealing with every challenging situation. It is one hundred per cent okay to go back to your teenager after you make an error in judgement and admit you could have handled the situation better but that you will try harder the next time. This is not a sign a weakness but one of strength and it teaches them that it’s okay to mess up as long as we learn from it and try harder the next time. The main thing is to persist, persist, persist. Your teenager needs to see that you are not just trying a new fad type of parenting and will revert to old ways if their behaviour does not improve. This new way of positive assertive communication is here to stay because you know that Rome was not built in a day.
If you are interested in finding out any more about either the Non-Violent Resistance or the Restorative Parenting Programmes and Strategies I would recommend the following books-1) Non-Violent Resistance-A New approach to violent and self-destructive children by Haim Omer& 2) Restorative Parenting-7 ways to transform the parent-child relationship by John Erhart. Both are available on Amazon.
Alan Quinn is the Mentoring Co-Ordinator with Le Chéile Mentoring and Youth Justice Support Services in Limerick. Le Chéile work with Young Person Probation service users and their families. As well as the core mentoring work Le Chéile run a range of parenting programmes including those mentioned in this article. www.lecheile.ie. [...]
A Parents Countdown to SchoolAugust 15, 2024Back to School / Homepage DisplayCountdown to School
Now:
Check in on how your child is feeling about school. Excited, anxious, nervous? Remember you don’t have to have all the answers. Just listen.
If you qualify, apply for back to school allowance
Buy books, uniforms and shoes and put them away safely
Begin to introduce sleep, food and daily routines. Agree this together with your children.
Encourage your child to connect in with their pals
In the two weeks before:
Continue the chat with your child about going back to school. Even little things like what they would like in their school lunches can start deeper chats
Take time out for yourself.
Get support from others if needed
Do something fun together
Put uniforms on hangers and visibly display in bedrooms
Set up school bags and agree where the school shoes/bags are kept after school
Night before:
Check that uniforms/shoes/bags are where they should be
Get children to help make their lunches
Stay calm and relax. You can do it!
Don’t forget to praise your child! [...]
Getting back into RoutinesAugust 15, 2024Back to School / Homepage DisplayThe summer months have inevitably involved letting some of our good routines slide. If you are like me your teenage children are sleeping in until all hours and are often the ones turning off the lights at an ungodly hour! Others will admit to the fridge constantly being open with a ‘help yourself if you’re hungry’ approach. For others screen time, play time, bath time and sleep time are all over the shop. BUT, the return to school is coming fast. If you are like me, this fills me with dread as I now have to address all these established habits. So what can we do?
When routines are in place children feel more secure. Parents feel calmer and more in control. By adjusting our summer routine, it will help children understand that the summer is coming to an end and help prepare them for the return of school. Easier said than done right? Where do you start?
Begin by having plan in your own head about what routines you would like to see happen. Agree this with your partner to ensure you don’t have mixed messages. Set a time to have the chat about routines with your child. Get their views on this and agree a plan together. Make sure that they understand the plan. Remember Rome wasn’t built in a day so put the plan into place gradually, making small adjustments daily. Talk to your child to see if the plan is working and make changes if they are needed.
Bedtimes will be the first on my list. It won’t be easy as it is still bright at 9pm, but It needs to be done. Start by adjusting bedtimes gradually. Two weeks before the first day of school, start to move your child’s bedtime earlier at night. Wake them a small bit earlier each morning. Continue this process every night until your child is waking at the same time that will be necessary once school starts.
Aim to create a relaxing wind-down routine. For about an hour before you want the lights turned off for the night encourage calming activities. For younger children this might be taking a bath or reading a book together. For older children this could be listening to music, taking a shower or meditation. By repeating this every night in the weeks leading up to the first day of school it will help your child to anticipate sleep time, making it easier for everyone once school starts again.
Next up, screen time. We know that less screen time before bed will improve the quality of their sleep. Yes, they love playing with their friends on line and who doesn’t enjoy a game of Mario Cart? They can still do this, but – earlier in the day. Aim for no screen time an hour before your child goes to sleep. Avoid screens in their bedroom. Watch those smart phones too. Agreeing a plan in advance on technology will prevent problems and fighting in the long run.
Last but not least mealtimes. Plan to adjust mealtimes gradually in August to match up with school lunch breaks. Chat about the importance of eating well. Encourage your child to think of food as fuel for their body. Involve them in decisions about what they eat, the weekly shop, meal planning and preparation.
So we have a plan. One day at a time and the hard work will pay off. Don’t forget that you are doing a great job in a very difficult time. Good luck!
This article was written by the Tusla Prevention, Partnership and Family Support team, a member of Parenting Limerick. [...]
Everyday Items for Fun and PlayAugust 3, 2024Home Life / playHave you ever noticed that when your toddler opens a gift, they sometimes toss it aside but have hours of fun playing with the cardboard box? As parents, we often overdo it when it comes to toys. We spend lots of money on the brightest, shiniest toy because we assume it is the best option. In fact, the best toy for your child is often the simplest one. The simpler the toy, the more it can stimulate your child’s imagination. Your little one can transform it into whatever they want – the possibilities are endless!
Who remembers sitting on the floor by your parent and playing with pots and pans? For many of us growing up in the 80’s, everyday household objects provided hours of endless fun. We know that when children play, they are exploring, discovering their interests and making sense of the world around them. We also know that children’s play has a positive impact on all areas of their development. It is a safe space for them to learn and practice their physical skills and abilities, language and communication skills, problem-solving, creativity and empathy.
Before rushing out to buy new toys for your baby or toddler, look around your home for safe, appropriate household objects that they could play with. Using household objects will provide lots of opportunities for your child to explore, learn and discover at very little or no cost. For example, when your baby holds a metal spoon, watch and see what happens. As they become familiar with the spoon, their curiosity becomes stimulated. They may start to move the spoon from one hand to the other. They may drop the spoon and pick it up again, taste it, use it to make noise, empty and fill with it, feed themselves and gaze into their reflection. All this exploration supports your child to figure out what this object is, what it can do, and what it can become as they play with it.
Babies are fascinated by their surroundings, especially people’s faces and bright colours. A simple light-weight colourful scarf can be used with your baby to play peek-a-boo, hiding games or in dress up. Toddlers love to play with objects that encourage problem-solving, sorting and imaginative play. Using a wooden paper towel holder with curtain rings will provide opportunities for your child to sort and arrange the rings onto the holder. This type of play will encourage development of your child’s thinking, reasoning and problem-solving skills.
There are lots of play opportunities at home for your child using objects from the home. However, remember to always supervise your child as they play. Take some time to put some items together in a basket and sit with your little one as they explore these treasures. Playing together in this way is a lovely way to connect with your child, getting to know who they are and what they like as they play.
Here are some examples of household objects your child can use in play:
Pots, pans & lids – Using pots and pans children get to explore rhythm, emptying, filling and sorting.
Metal & wooden spoons – Exploring the spoons, holding, lifting, feeding, filling.
Plastic / metal bowls – Filling, emptying, hiding, pouring, stacking.
Cloths/ scarves – Touching, wrapping, covering, hiding, peek-a-boo, dress-up.
This article was contributed by a member of ABC Start Right in PAUL Partnership. ABC Start Right is part of Parenting Limerick, a network of parenting and family support organisations.
[...]
Resilience has an important role to play July 27, 2024Homepage Display / playResilience, or the capacity to overcome challenges in life and emerge as a stronger person as a result, is one of the most important personal resources an individual can develop over the course of their life. Building resilience can be life-changing for children in particular. Parents and carers can help to develop this resource in children throughout their developmental stages.
One approach to take is the ‘I Have, I Am, I Can’ model which can help to strengthen resilience in your children. Through this approach you can help children to identify their personal strengths (‘I am great at reading’) and the supports which they have in their lives (‘I have my teacher’ or ‘I have my best friend’) which can assist them in overcoming obstacles (‘I can pass my school test’).
Some young people who have followed the model have reported that it helped them learn how to cope, learn the importance of talking about the issues on their minds and learn to value their own significance in the world.
Ways in which you can help your child or young person when it comes to building resilience include:
Help support your child’s physical and mental wellbeing, by taking steps including eating a balanced diet and getting regular exercise, making sure your children have the time and the freedom to play indoors and outdoors, working together as a family to get along most of the time and support one another and supporting your child in school. If you have concerns about your child’s health, you should seek professional support.
Help your child to develop a strong sense of identity by valuing their unique attributes and accepting them for who they are at the present moment. Children who are comfortable with their identity ask questions and try new things. They know they can contribute to the world and make a difference.
Talk to your child about their body in an age-appropriate way to help them develop a healthy and balanced body image and feel positive about themselves. Addressing questions and topics about their growing and changing bodies and feelings directly, at an appropriate time and in an age-appropriate way, can help to avoid confusion for children.
The challenges which can face children and young people as they are growing up are many and varied. Those who find themselves in a minority, whether LGBTQI, living with a disability, living in a country other than that in which they were born, identifying with a gender other than that which they were assigned at birth, or otherwise, may find that they have to overcome additional obstacles.
As parents or carers, how we express our emotions can give an example to our children. By sharing and naming our feelings, children in turn develop the vocabulary and tools to talk about how they are feeling. If children are aware that other people can get sad or angry – and that these feelings can be expressed safely – then they are less likely to feel overwhelmed.
This article was contributed by ISPCC on behalf of Parenting Limerick. Parenting Limerick is a network of parenting and family support organisations. The ISPCC’s Childline service can be reached at 1800 66 66 66 (24 hours a day), by text to 50101 (10am – 4am every day), or online at Childline.ie (10am – 4am every day). [...]
Surviving Children’s Birthday PartiesJuly 18, 2024Home Life / Homepage DisplayIn an era where throwing children’s parties seem to have grown out of all proportion, reduce your stress level with a few handy pointers:
Keep it in perspective – yes you want to celebrate your child and ensure they have a great time, but you also don’t want them to develop unrealistic expectations about what a birthday actually is
Set a budget – let your child know that the sky isn’t the limit by helping you to prioritise what is needed and what isn’t
Have a game plan – Play, food, opening presents, games is a good sequence for a 2-3 hour party
Balance the goodies – Parties don’t have to be equated with junk food. Yes, you can offer treats but do they all need to be of the glow-in-the-dark, sugar-coated variety? Small muffins, popcorn, cordial instead of fizz, plain chocolate – you can peel it back without sacrificing the ‘treats’ element
Bring in back-up – Friends or family that are willing to help out means that there are eyes on all children (excited, sugar-fuelled children have a tendency to wander)
Set clear pick-up times – A loose ‘around 5pm’ could be interpreted as any time before 6, so be exact about times during drop-off
Provided by Maria O’Dwyer ABC Start Right [...]
Summer as a Time to Take StockJuly 18, 2024Home Life / Homepage DisplayThe summer holidays bring a change of pace that children and adults alike look forward to every year. Routines become more relaxed and schedules are looser. The great weather over the last week has added new levels of enjoyment – more trips to beaches and lakes, eating outside and seeing ice pops as almost medicinal. The only real intrusion on the longer, lazy days is the constant ‘back to school’ marketing that we’re hearing and seeing everywhere. Children are reminded that the break is temporary and parents are reminded of the financial pressures of sending children back to school.
September is often considered more popular than January for making new resolutions. With new uniforms and shiny new school bags comes the promise of a clean slate. The summer break, therefore, might be the perfect time to take the time and space to think about little changes that you can make as family ahead of the new school term.
If the morning routine in your house can be a little chaotic, for example, think about how you might change it. Experiment during the holidays with things that might make it run more swiftly. Maybe try getting up 15 minutes earlier or teach older children how to prepare and pack their lunch the night before. They will learn new life skills and you’ll free up some precious time in the morning for the usual last-minute tasks, like locating missing school bags.
Downtime over the summer is also a great time to support or encourage activities with your children that will benefit them later on. For younger children who are starting school for the first time in September, you could practice the route to school together so that it becomes familiar to them. For children who find reading homework challenging, take trips to the local bookshop or library and find books that suit their interests. When they can read in their own time and at their own pace, they are more likely to enjoy it. Swimming in school can be a little daunting so use the summer to visit the pool that your child’s school uses. As well as enjoying a swim together, your child will know how the lockers work and where the showers are before they go with school. This familiarity can remove a lot of stress ahead of starting a new school activity.
Once the term starts things get busy and we tend to just do things the way we always have. With a little practice and a few trial runs over the summer holidays, you’ll see that small tweaks can lead to big changes. Parenting can be tough so anything that lightens the load is always good!
This article was contributed by a member of Parenting Limerick. [...]
Setting and Maintaining Boundaries:July 4, 2024Home Life / Homepage DisplayBoundaries for children: Children are more likely to feel more secure and to behave better when they experience consistency and routine. As the summer holidays kick in and school time routine goes out the window, this is a timely topic for many parents!
As parents, it is our job to take charge, whenever necessary. Predictable routines and firm boundaries allow children to know what to expect and who they can rely on so they then have the confidence to explore the world around them and develop new skills. Sometimes, to avoid conflict, parents feel unable to set boundaries and rules and follow them though and this puts the child in charge. This can be frightening for children as they are not developed cognitively enough to manage being in charge.
Putting boundaries and rules in place can be difficult, especially if children have gotten used to life without many boundaries or without hearing “no” very often. However, we must remember that it is never too late to make a change. It is also important to keep our boundaries and rules realistic. For example, it is not realistic to try to implement a boundary that our children must never disagree with each other. It is more realistic to set the boundary that we can disagree with our siblings but we must never hit or that we must always try to resolve our disagreements with words.
In trying to maintain some house rules and boundaries for our children we must try the same approach. It is not realistic to suggest that if a house rule is broken, we remove all gaming devices for the rest of the week. Rather, if a house rule is broken, we might reduce the time spent on gaming that evening by 15 minutes.
When your child breaks a rule or a boundary, it can be helpful to respond to this behaviour promptly, sensitively and assertively. A helpful technique for this is The Broken Record technique. If for example, your child breaks the house rule of tidying their bedroom on a Saturday morning. Try to keep your voice calm and soft in dealing with the matter. Here is an example:
Parent: “our rule is that you tidy your bedroom on a Saturday morning”,
Child: “But he didn’t tidy his bedroom either!”
Parent: “I understand that and I’ll speak to him next, the rule is that you too tidy your bedroom on a Saturday morning”.
Child: “you’re always picking on me!”
Parent: “I understand that you are annoyed with me and we can discuss that later if you like. Right now, I need you to tidy your bedroom, thank you.”
By the third instruction, most children will see we are being firm and will comply. So it is best to end by thanking them and then praise for when the task is complete. However, if our young person still argues or refuses, we can move to a consequence. It is important that we stay calm, choose a consequence that is manageable and not too drastic. For example, “I would rather you did not lose 10c of your pocket money, so I need you to tidy your room, thank you.” Making it seem as though you don’t want to implement this consequence is better than something that sounds more threatening such as “Tidy up or you’ll lose 10c of your pocket money.” Children can feel as though both parties have something to gain from completing the task.
Try to allow them time in between each instruction to change their mind and complete the task. Once the task has been completed, it is important to thank and to praise and not to comment any further on the task as it is helpful to end the interaction positively.
If the consequence has to be implemented, try to do so calmly and matter-of-factly. It is important to follow through on the consequences if they are mentioned and so the child learns to pay attention to the instruction as they know the consequence will come. Try to do this as privately as possible to reduce the potential embarrassment and/or defensiveness your child might experience if this happens in front of others.
Top Tips:
Remain Consistent: It is confusing for children if we stick to rules and boundaries one day and do not the next day.
Try to Encourage Decision Making, Where Possible: For example, “we have to tidy our room now, do you want to make the bed first or put away the clothes”.
Keep Empathy With Boundaries: For example, “I can see that you are upset that you cannot go out to play, but it is too late now. Tomorrow we can talk about going out to play when it is earlier and safer.”
Move On After: When the interaction about the boundary/rule is over, let it be over. Whether the child completed the task or the consequence is implemented, do not dwell on the interaction or let it become a bigger issue.
Small Reasonable Consequences: Try to implement small reasonable consequences that can be carried out shortly after the incident to increase the likelihood of the child remembering why this consequence has occurred.
Have fun too: When implementing a new boundary, it can feel like a lot of difficult change for a child. Although in the long run the benefits of the boundaries will be apparent, it is helpful to also remember to have fun and silly time when we are not setting and implementing boundaries. During the week of starting the new boundary, try do something fun with your child so their focus is not entirely on the difficult boundary.
This article written by HSE Primary Care Child and Family Psychology Services, a member of Parenting Limerick. [...]
Summer Holidays for Autistic Children and their FamiliesJune 27, 2024Ability / Homepage DisplayThe summer holidays have arrived! Many families are looking forward to the move away from routine and consistency that school provides. As schedules are interrupted and routines broken, families of children and young people with autism can find it challenging. Each child has unique strengths and needs. With a little preparation, holiday stress can be reduced. Here are some practical tips on supporting autistic children and young person who are facing changes in routines during the summer break.
Preparation is crucial for autistic children and young people. When a new event or outing is coming up, you can:
Use a calendar: a visual aid showing when an event is scheduled can be used to prepare your child. It is important not to plan too much in advance. For some children, a few days’ notice makes all the difference. For others, a few hours’ notice is required. Either way, talking about an upcoming event in advance greatly reduces anxiety, and supports the transition to a new environment.
Use visual aids: these can support communication regarding routines. You can use them in your own home or when planning trips outside the home. Depending on your child, visuals can include drawings, photographs, and pictures on phones. It is important to consider your child’s attention to detail, as the picture you use might be different to the actual place, which can cause upset.
Tell a story: developing social stories can assist your child’s understanding, and prepare them for an upcoming event or outing.
If visitors are calling to the home or if you plan to go visiting other people’s homes, you can:
Show photos in advance of relatives and visitors who will be calling in during the holidays.
If your child struggles in noisy or busy environments, find a quiet go-to place within your home or wherever you are visiting.
Have games, activities or favourite toys on hand.
Prior to visitors calling in, consider possible triggers to a meltdown. Some of these can be sharing of toys, other children using their belongings, and noise levels. Preparing for such situations can reduce anxiety for your child.
Having to interact with visitors might lead to meltdowns. When visitors are coming to the home, it is sometimes best to allow your child to follow their own lead.
If you are flying abroad for holidays, you can:
Have your child’s favourite foods, books or toys available during the flight
Check if your airport has a Special Assistance Programme. Many Irish airports have developed visual schedules on their websites, and have special assisted processes to support the transition through the airport.
The key message is: plan in advance. Preparation is key to success during the holiday season. Remember the words: First, Next, Finished. These provide a structure and sequence to activities. Identify your child’s triggers and prepare a plan, should your child experience a meltdown or a sensory overload. Check Autism parent forums on Facebook and Irish Autism websites for Autism-friendly days at various locations around town. Finally, focus on the successes, and celebrate them!
This article was contributed by a member of Parenting Limerick. [...]
How to talk to your children about refugeesJune 20, 2024Home Life / Homepage DisplayThis week is World Refugee Week. Refugee Week celebrates the contributions of refugees and people seeking sanctuary in order to challenge negative stereotypes and create a space where refugees can be seen and heard beyond their experience of displacement. As we continue grappling with one of Europe’s worst refugee crisis, it’s normal to be wondering what to share with your children and how they are processing all the news.
Whilst we try to shield our children from the current war in Ukraine, or other human tragedies around the world, it’s highly probable they will have heard about it. Whether it’s a neighbour taking in a Ukrainian refugee family, a new accommodation centre supporting displaced people opening in your neighbourhood, children living in Direct Provision joining your child’s classroom, or overhearing a discussion on television, it’s best to be prepared.
How and what you tell your children about the refugee crisis, depends on their age and personality. For example, one may be a worrier and the other a warrior. Here are some guiding points to help you support your kids and answer questions or worries they may have.
Do some research:
In order to be prepared to handle the hard questions it is helpful to check some reliable sources on the topic (the UN Refugee agency, UNCHR, is a recommended one). Globally we are facing the highest level ever of people displacement on record, and even before the war in Ukraine started global refugee numbers were estimated at 26 million. Almost 12 million people are believed to have fled Ukraine and 6.6 million were forced to flee due to conflict in Syria. On top of that, half of these refugees are children. Alternatively, if your child has access to the internet, explain to them to be careful of social media news sources and if you can, give your own tips on trustworthy sites to check data.
Listen to them:
You can break the ice and start with an open-ended question by asking your kids what they already know about refugees. In addition, you might want to ask a follow up question such as ‘Why do you think these people had to flee their homes?’ and ‘What can we do about it to help?’. Listen, and give them space to express their worries feeling and questions. Try to answer their questions truthfully and don’t be afraid to say you don’t know or express your own feelings. Name the feelings you / they might feel and keep your answers simple using child friendly language. For the very sensitive child it might help to get them to write down their worries and put them in a ‘worry box’ and revisit later. After you can throw them away if the child is ready to let go of those feelings.
Make them feels safe and protected:
It is natural that some children might relate to the refugee children and feel powerless and scared. Some children might be worried they would have to leave their homes and become refugees too if the war spreads. Acknowledge their fears and reassure them that they are in a safe place. If they are concerned about the current wellbeing of refugee children, you can tell them about charities like Médecins Sans Frontières or Save the Children are creating safe spaces for children to play and learn in.
Talk about values and how they can help refugees:
This could be a good opportunity to teach our children about humanity and values of compassion, kindness and inclusivity. Encourage your kids to put their energy into positive action to help the refugees!
There are a number of events happening in Limerick this week to mark World Refugee Week. To learn more go to www.refugeeweek.ie/events/ and type Limerick into the search bar.
This article was written by the Anti-Racism sub-group of Limerick Migrant Integration Steering Group on behalf of Parenting Limerick. For more information go to www.limerickunitedagainstracism.ie.
[...]
Primary School TransitionsJune 13, 2024Homepage Display / Pre-School AgeSchool Transitions: From Preschool to Primary School
Moving on from preschool to primary school can be daunting for children and parents alike. There are no two ways about it! Educators work tirelessly to ensure preschoolers are ready to make the big step. As parents, there are many things we can do to help. At the same time, it is important to reduce stress and be realistic about what we can and cannot do at home.
Reach out to your child`s preschool. Your child`s preschool educator will have resources to support your child’s transition. If you are not already in touch, make contact. They are likely to have valuable advice, school readiness resources, or suggestions for activities to carry out at home with your child.
Link in with the school. In the same way as the preschool educator can support the transition, so too can your child`s new school. Your child`s new school will send information about the school. It is important that these new school systems are understood and explained so that children know what to expect.
Talk to your child about school. This will help to prepare them and help getting used to the idea. If you can’t bring them to show them their new school, try making a photo book so your child will know what the school looks like, where they will have their lunch, and all the fun and exciting activities they can look forward to!
Read books and tell stories about starting school. Try reading a positive story together about a child starting school. to support your child to feel secure and excited about this new adventure. Better still, talk about how excited you were when you started school and about the activities that you did, the games you played and the friends that you made.
Talk about how all of this feels. This is a stressful time, and the transition may bring additional pressure on children and their families. It is important to provide space for children to talk about how they are feeling. By talking through situations, children make sense of it all and learn to manage their emotions.
Practice self care skills. Take this time to support your child to develop some independence around self care skills. Your child will have a better experience in school if they can open their lunchbox, close their shoes, wash and dry their hands, put on and take off their coat, and ask for help.
Try a routine. Routines brings security, so now more than ever, they are really important. Try getting back to a somewhat normal routine at home, particularly around bedtime and waking up time. Ensuring a healthy amount of sleep as well as exercise will support your child`s health and well-being in school. To reduce stress, keep routines relaxed and playful.
Play, play and more play! In play, children have many opportunities to learn skills that can support them when they start school. Play helps to enrich your child`s learning as they develop and master expression, confidence, creative thinking and problem solving. Playing games with family members can help your child develop social skills, as well as learn about team work, taking turns and negotiation. Role play using teddies and dolls allows children to explore the experience. Acting out what starting school might be like helps your child make sense of this milestone they are about to embark on.
This article was contributed by ABC Start Right, a member of Parenting Limerick. [...]
Transitioning to Secondary School: Helping your child to prepareJune 6, 2024Ages & Stages / Homepage Display / Middle Childhood / TeenagersTransitioning from primary school to secondary school is a process bound to result in some apprehension. This transition brings many changes for which a young person has to prepare including; a different and perhaps larger environment with more people, new multiple teachers for different subjects, new classmates, a different lunchtime experience, and new subjects. Although this transition can be a time of excitement for your young person as they are growing up and moving onto the next chapter in their lives, it can also be a time of uncertainty and even anxiety for some.
So how do these differences and this transition impact on your young person? Your child is going to be making big adjustments navigating socially and emotionally through this transition. In terms of social adjustments; secondary schools tend to be bigger, have larger class sizes, and students have numerous teachers. This is a vast social setting for young people to navigate. This brings great opportunities for your young person to develop and grow socially. It may, however, also be that it takes your young person longer to feel comfortable enough in this bigger school environment to socialise. Your young person may be uncertain at first about where they fit in this new larger class with varying personalities. It may also take them time to navigate new and less personal student-teacher relationships. Remember socially this is quite demanding on your young person.
Emotionally, your child is also adjusting. These adjustments include; separating from old friends who may be transitioning to a different school, experiencing dual emotions both worry and excitement, being introduced to new technologies like mobile phones and social media. Mobile phones provide your young person with a sense of independence and can provide parents with security in terms of more communication access when away from you. However, boundaries around phone usage are very necessary at this age. Most schools will have a mobile phone policy and rules in this regard too. Additionally, appropriate safety features in terms of social media and internet use are also recommended. It’s important to be vigilant to the demands of social media, encouraging discussions with your young person around healthy social media usage and awareness of how misleading social media, images and influencers can be.
Transitioning to secondary school promotes more independence in your young person and achieving new tasks improves their sense of mastery and confidence. However, new pressures are also present including; an increase in homework quantity and difficulty, exams to prepare for, and increased organisational demands with timetables, lockers, and constant changes in classrooms. This pressure can be overwhelming for young people at times and they may need support to deal with these demands.
So what can help your young person with this transition period? Remind your young person that change can also be exciting and encourage them to think about all the positive things they will get to experience, such as new friends, new extracurricular activities, new subjects to explore, and more independence moving between classes and during lunch. Acknowledge the end of primary school and celebrate this achievement. As well as acknowledging the positives it is important to allow your young person also to express any feelings of anxiety, worry, fear or sadness that they may be experiencing. Most importantly continue to support your child and their emotions, and promote open and frequent communication with them throughout this transition period.
Top Tips: Transitioning to secondary school
“Being with” your young person’s emotions-This means sitting with your young person when they experience a big emotion like anxiety or sadness. “Being with” an emotion does not mean talking through what has happened or fixing the problem. It is simply being with that child while they feel what they feel, indicating to them it is ok to feel the emotions they feel. Using phrases such as “I know you are worried” or “I know this is hard” can help them feel understood. Being with your child in their emotions helps them acknowledge and then move out of that emotion.
When communicating with your young person, sometimes it can be easier to talk about how they are feeling and how it is affecting them when you are connected to them through an activity they enjoy. A relaxed, playful environment allows easier exploration of difficult feelings for your young person when the time is right for them.
When communicating with your young person remember: listen patiently, validate how they feel, boost their self-esteem with praise when the opportunity arises, control your emotions-don’t match their chaos, instead bring calm, be open and be observant.
Promote safe phone and social media use with your young person:
Be a role model for your young person and show healthy phone usage
Phones are removed from bedrooms at agreed times (including overnight)
Set safety and privacy settings on their phone
Monitor social media use, content and communications for safety
HSE Primary Care Child and Family Psychology Service is running an online workshop on “Transitioning to secondary school: helping your child to prepare”. This workshop is most suitable for parents or professionals who are seeking information in relation to supporting young people transition to secondary school. To register your attendance, contact 087-3451489.
This article was contributed by Elisha Minihan, Psychology Assistant with the Primary Care Child and Family Psychology Service. The psychology service is a member of Parenting Limerick. [...]
Managing Exam WorriesMay 17, 2024Homepage Display / TeenagersMany students have underlying worries approaching their exams, regardless of their academic capabilities. No matter how big or small, all exam worries can affect a student’s exam performance and overall well-being. These worries can also appear in various disguises including lashing out, negative self-talk, unexplained physical ailments, or going from a diligent to an indifferent student overnight. For parents, exam season can be difficult to navigate and cultivates a mixed sense of protectiveness and powerlessness. However, a parent’s support during exam season is imperative.
Emphatically listening to your child’s worries without dismissing any (no matter how irrational they seem) can help ease much stress. This non-judgmental listening ear gives your child the opportunity to express their underlying worries in a healthy way. Try opening up conversations when you are shoulder-to-shoulder rather than face-to-face to help them feel more comfortable and less exposed or interrogated. They may not want to share their worries with you immediately, but will know that you are willing to listen when they are ready.
Under the pressures that accompany exams, thought patterns can often go askew and lead to irrational thoughts predicting worst-case scenarios or backing an “all or nothing” mindset. As parents witnessing this you can take the role of acknowledging the thoughts of your child while also letting them know that you believe the opposite to be true. Remind your child of how strong they are and help them recall a time or situation when they came through, managed, survived a similarly anxious time. This will help support your child in coming up with a more balanced way of thinking.
During exam time, there is an apparent shift in values. Many children will begin to measure their own self-worth on exam performance, or by comparing themselves to siblings, peers, or others around them. As a parent, remind your child of their individual intrinsic qualities, which truly represent who they are (caring, humorous, creative, etc.) and avoid adding to the comparison dialogue with examples of how well others handled a similar experience. Most importantly, let your child know that no matter what the outcome, you will be able to deal with it together and that you accept them regardless of their academic achievements.
Exam season can be physically, mentally, and emotionally energy zapping, with study demands often placing a healthy lifestyle balance by the wayside. However, maintaining a healthy balance will benefit your child hugely. Keeping a balanced diet, drinking enough water, engaging in regular physical activity, getting a good night’s sleep and preserving time for enjoyable interests is essential. Now, before the exam stress commences, is also an ideal time to encourage your child to begin practising some relaxation techniques or mindfulness exercises. Practising these skills now will allow your child to readily draw on them as a healthy coping mechanism during unhelpful exam stress. A healthy level of stress naturally improves motivation and exam focus, and all of the above will help keep these stress levels at this optimal level.
Top Tips
Support your child in challenging their worries
First acknowledge the worries your child is having. Then support them in coming up with a more balanced way of thinking about these worries. An example might be changing “I’m going to fail!” to “I’ve passed a hard exam before, I can do it again”. It might also help if your child writes this balanced thought down for future reference.
Set miniature goals
Help your child breakdown their overwhelming workload into smaller, more manageable steps ahead of their exam.
Celebrate effort
Take every opportunity to celebrate the effort your child is putting in to prepare. After an exam, avoid immediately asking what grade they obtained and instead ask a more open question about how they found the experience.
Good enough is good enough!
Try to adopt this mantra in your household. Your child will be feeling pressure from all angles and it is important that you try not to add to this overwhelming feeling. Notice your expectations and whether these are adding additional pressure.
Balance is key
Help your child to maintain a healthy life balance during this busy time. This includes diet, water intake, relaxation, social engagement, and preserving time to do the things they love.
Look after yourself
Be sure not to forget about your own wellbeing during this overwhelming period. Modelling a healthy life balance will also benefit your child. As they say “you can’t pour from an empty cup!”
This article was written by HSE Primary Care Child and Family Psychology Services, a member of Parenting Limerick. Parenting Limerick is a network of parenting and family support organisations. [...]
Helping your Child manage Big EmotionsMay 9, 2024Homepage Display / Middle Childhood / Pre-School Age / Toddlers“When little people are overwhelmed by big emotions it is our job to share our calm not, join their chaos” – L.R. Knost.
There are six basic emotions which are universally experienced by every one of all ages, across all cultures – fear, disgust, anger, surprise, happiness, and sadness. Feeling all our emotions is a very normal and important part of being human and being a child. Emotions are a subjective experience, meaning that although two children may go through the same experience, how they interpret this experience and what they feel as a result, may be very different.
Emotions elicit a “body” response, for example heart racing, pain in tummy, breathing faster, sweaty hands, etc. Again, these can be very different for each child. The behavioural response is how we react or behave in response to an emotion. This may include crying, laughing, jumping, shouting, cuddling with a parent, throwing something or talking it out. It is important to remember that the part of the brain which manages impulsive behaviours doesn’t start to develop until around 4 years old, and continues to develop until well into our 20’s. Younger children therefore need a lot more support to understand and manage their emotions and the behavioural response.
The ability to control our emotions is known as emotion regulation. This process takes time and can be challenging for some. Emotion regulation involves – becoming aware of the emotion; using words to describe the emotion; understanding the body reaction; identifying what triggers the emotion and finally learning strategies to manage it. As a child become more capable in emotion regulation, they begin to “respond” to the emotion, rather than reacting to it (which often looks like tantrums, lashing out, aggressive behaviour and shouting).
In order to help a child to learn emotion regulation, adults must first be capable of self-regulation – the awareness, knowledge and understanding of our own emotions, behaviours and reactions. When we are regulated, not only are we a positive role model, we are able to meet the child’s nervous system ‘where it is at’ by listening, remaining calm and providing a warm responsive relationship. Practicing emotional literacy, that is, naming emotions in a calm manner, will teach children emotions do not require a drastic response. For example, ‘I am feeling really angry that I spilt my tea, I’m am going to take a few deep breaths and take a minute to calm before I clean it up’.
Exhibiting a big emotion does not mean a child is trying to annoy us, ruin our day, or upset us. The child is learning and these are opportunities for us to reframe how we are thinking – ‘This is a chance for me to teach my child how to cope with these big feelings’.
Popular emotion regulation strategies include sensory supports, calming techniques, and thinking strategies. Activities such as squeezing a fidget ball or silly putty, sitting with a weighted blanket, swinging on a swing, or jumping trampoline are all useful sensory supports. Calming techniques include progressive muscle relaxation (PMR), colouring, relaxing music, and breathing techniques. Thinking strategies help by learning about the body and what happens when we over react, considering the size of the problem versus size of the reaction, managing self-talk (inner coach vs inner critic) and using more flexible thinking. These strategies can be used to regulate various emotions and should be used in line with the child’s own preference.
Top Tips to help your Child Manage their Big Emotions
The most important thing to remember when your child is experiencing a big emotion, is to stay calm. Use breathing techniques and take a brief moment to yourself, if it is safe to do so, before intervening with your child.
Be empathetic – non-judgemental – what the child is feeling is very real for them! Acknowledging that the feeling they are having is fair and valid can help.
Be with them in their feelings, get down to their level, make eye contact and listen.
Step back and give child space if they need it (1 metre). Stay present, they may look for a hug or some affection.
Reduce talking– avoid entering into an argument or negotiation. Until the body is regulated, the reasoning part of their brain is not working and it can be difficult for them to listen or have a conversation.
A game that involves deep breaths can help bring your child back to calm– for example hot chocolate breathing (pretending to smell a cup of hot chocolate then blowing out to cool it down). Practice these breathing techniques when the child is regulated so that they know what to do when experiencing a big emotion.
Always remember that every big feeling begins, has a peak and then comes to an end.
This article was contributed by the Primary Care Child and Family Psychology Service, a member of Parenting Limerick. Parenting Limerick is a network of parenting and family support organisations. [...]
Supporting your child when they are avoiding schoolMay 2, 2024Homepage Display / Middle Childhood / TeenagersParents and carers can feel isolated and alone when they have a child that struggles to attend school. Parents say that they often feel judged, blamed, misunderstood and frustrated. You do not deserve to feel any of these feelings.
You are not alone
Going through issues around school-avoiding behaviour with your child is full of challenges and tensions. As a parent it is very challenging to have your child’s needs and well-being as your main concern, while at the same time experiencing pressures to get your child back into school.
You may find yourself struggling with how to strike the right balance between how much your child is capable of and how much you should challenge or push them. You may feel that the school is judging you and that the wider system is monitoring you. You may feel that your child is a problem to be managed rather than a person who needs care, love and understanding. You might find yourself feeling frustrated or angry at your child for not going to school. It might have an effect on your relationship with them or others in your family. It can be overwhelming juggling all this along with work and other family commitments. Know that if your child is avoiding school, it is not your fault. You are not alone in this.
You, the parent, should be at the centre of the response schools and other services provide to support your child back to school. They need to do this to create a positive relationship with you. School-avoiding behaviour is often a signal that all is not well in your child’s world; it can be a symptom of a bigger difficulty. It is important to explore what is going on for your child and look for help if you need it. Generally, the earlier a parent does this, the better.
Supporting your child to express their feelings
It is helpful to encourage your child to express what they are feeling about school. However, children can often find it hard to respond to direct questions about what’s going on. They may not be able to identify exactly what their feelings are and why they are feeling them.
When helping your child explore their thoughts and feelings about school try to create a relaxed atmosphere. Listen carefully and recognise that your child’s feelings are valid. Even if they may feel like small things to you, or not a reason why you yourself wouldn’t go to school, they may feel big to your child. Let your child know that you believe in them, you are there for them and you will figure this out together.
You will feel your own stress as well as the distress of watching your child going through a time of difficulty. As best you can, try not to allow your normal and natural concerns for your child’s future to take over the present situation. Try to stay calm and reassure your child, even though you might be feeling stressed.
Remember: Your child’s experience is an understandable reaction to a stressful time or environment. Try to remind yourself, and help your child to know, that the experiences you are going through now will pass. They won’t last forever.
Perhaps you can describe the experiences to your child as a key learning opportunity where you and your child might learn important life lessons like how to manage stress, how to take care of emotional and physical well-being and who to get support from when needed.
Invest in the relationship with your child
First and most important, you help by investing in your relationships with your child. Parenting is the most important, but also the hardest, job you will ever have. We know from research that by far the most protective and influential factor in a child’s life is a safe, caring and supportive parent-child relationship.
Within this safe, loving relationship, you can help your child develop the skills needed to adapt to the challenges life can bring. So, prioritise spending quality time together doing things that you both enjoy. Laugh and have fun together, show an interest in your child’s hobbies, and be available to listen, support and empathise.
Trust in yourself
As a parent or carer, you have a unique insight into your child’s history, relationships, behaviours and emotions. Don’t be afraid to advocate for what you believe your child needs.
Your child’s school has a duty to respond to your concerns. Don’t be afraid to speak up for yourself. If you need help, or guidance, there are supports available for parents. If you need help working through this or other documents, ask someone you trust to go through them with you.
Make sure to look after yourself. School-avoiding behaviour can be incredibly stressful and exhausting. Reach out to trusted family and friends and say “Yes” to any offers of help.
This article was drawn from Working with your child to address school avoidance: A resource for parents, a Limerick-developed resource launched at Limerick School Attendance Conference. You can download the resource at www.limerickservices.ie/resources. [...]
Supporting Parents
Being a Parent is the Most Important Job in the world
Ages & Stages
What’s Happening?
Local Services
Look for more
|
- - - |
- - - |
- - - |
- - - |
- - - |
- - - |
- - - |
|
DN_T |
DN_T |
DN_T |
DN_T |
DN_T |
DN_T |
DN_T |
|
DN_T |
DN_T |
DN_T |
DN_T |
DN_T |
DN_T |
DN_T |
|
DN_T |
DN_T |
DN_T |
DN_T |
DN_T |
DN_T |
DN_T |
|
DN_T |
DN_T |
DN_T |
DN_T |
DN_T |
DN_T |
DN_T |
|
DN_T |
DN_T |
DN_T |
DN_T |
DN_T |
DN_T |
DN_T |
|
DN_T |
DN_T |
DN_T |
DN_T |
DN_T |
DN_T |
DN_T |
|
|
||||||
|
- - - |
- - - |
- - - |
- - - |
- - - |
- - - |
- - - |
|
DN_T |
DN_T |
DN_T |
DN_T |
DN_T |
DN_T |
DN_T |
|
|
||||||
You have no events for this day
Look for more
You have no events for this month
Look for more
You have no events for this month
You have no events
stec_replace_image
stec_replace_icon
stec_replace_summary
stec_replace_desc_short
0d 0h 0m 0s
Expired
In Progress
stec_replace_location
stec_replace_timespan
Create an event
Click to submit your own event
Event Info
Location
Schedule
Guests
Attendance
Forecast
Comments
stec_replace_summary
stec_replace_description
-
stec_replace_titleOrganizer of stec_replace_eventstec_replace_about
-
0
days
-
0
hours
-
0
minutes
-
0
seconds
Event expired
Event is in progress
Location
stec_replace_location
Get Directions
Could not find route!
Details
stec_replace_details
No schedule
stec_replace_date stec_replace_time
stec_replace_title
stec_replace_desc
stec_replace_avatar
- stec_replace_social
stec_replace_name
stec_replace_about
You are invited to this event!
-
-
stec_replace_status
stec_replace_name
Weather data is currently not available for this location
Weather Report
Today stec_replace_today_date
stec_replace_current_summary_text
stec_replace_current_temp °stec_replace_current_temp_units
Wind stec_replace_current_wind stec_replace_current_wind_units stec_replace_current_wind_direction
Humidity stec_replace_current_humidity %
Feels like stec_replace_current_feels_like °stec_replace_current_temp_units
Forecast
Date
Weather
Temp
stec_replace_date
stec_replace_icon_divstec_replace_min / stec_replace_max °stec_replace_temp_units
Next 24 Hours
Powered by Forecast.io
E-mail this event
