The 2 week wait… oh where the heck do I begin? I actually think this is worse than any other part of my IVF journey.
The timed days of doing injections shift to the long days of waiting. Every single thought goes through your head in the 2 weeks is about being pregnant or not. You see I believed that after my 5 day grade embryo was transfer into my womb I was pregnant, I saw the implantation on the screen, it was text book, we couldn’t have asked for a more perfect transfer.
I lay in the recovery area chatting away to the film crew and truly believed I was pregnant.
Post transfer I woke up and felt like a bus had ran me over. I literally had no energy for 2 days. I could feel my uterus contracting. I was cramping and the discharge was there, all signs that I was pregnant. Fast forward one whole week: We went for a walk to Blessington and I just knew there was something wrong. My mood shifted, I became restless, and I told mark I just wanted to go home. I lay in the back of the car with my baby Beth and when we reached the house I went to bed for 3 hours (I don’t nap usually!). I woke up and I turned to Mark and said “I’m not pregnant”. The following day I felt so normal. I was in work and kept busy. I knew our baby was no longer growing.
Wednesday dragged and I felt empty.
Thursday I worked a long shift and kept very busy.
Friday came (pregnancy test day), the film crew was there. I entered the bathroom with Mark. We waited. I’ve seen this so many times, Mark double checks we cry in each others arms, he goes down to the film crew I follow after 15minutes. We’re heart broken, I can’t even write in words our feelings. We’re not pregnant.
It’s like doing a race and there are 15 hurdles and we’ve jumped over 14 through pain and tears and torture and we’ve finally gotten to the 15th and we fall and all your hard work doesn’t matter anymore. It’s irrelevant. Your dreams have just been shattered, so close but so far from holding your baby in your arms.
Will I get another chance? Can I go through all this again? Will it even work if I do? With IVF every step is a bonus. There are no guarantees, no certainties no matter how hard you work. I’m not ready to give up on our dream I have a fight left me in and I will keep strong and keep positive because if I don’t believe I can do it, than who will?
Do you have questions that you want to ask Denise? Or would like to show her your support? Feel free to comment below.
Want to see behind the scenes footage of Denise’s IVF journey? Follow her on Snapchat username: dephillipa or Facebook: MillionDollarBaby.
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