As parents, we often compare our children to others, for example, milestones, behaviour, school progress, friendships. But what happens when your child experiences the world differently? When routines feel like they are essential, emotions seem bigger, or sensory experiences feel overwhelming?
For many families, this can lead to confusion, worry, and sometimes self-doubt. Parents may sometimes wonder: Am I doing something wrong? or Why is this so hard?
It is important for parents with similar experiences to know that they are not alone or doing anything wrong.
Neurodivergence is a term used to describe the natural differences in how the brain works. It includes conditions such as autism (ASD), ADHD, dyslexia, dyspraxia, and other developmental differences. However, instead of seeing these differences as deficits, the neuro-affirmative perspective encourages us to recognise both challenges and strengths that come with these differences.
Children who are neurodivergent may communicate, learn, socialise, or regulate their emotions in ways that differ from societal norms. It is important to recognise that this doesn’t mean something is “broken.” It simply means their brain processes the world differently.
For example, autistic children may prefer routines because predictability helps to reduce anxiety. They may experience sensory input such as noise, textures, lights more intensely or may be under sensitive to them. Some may communicate verbally, while others may depend on gestures or visual supports to communicate. Social situations may also feel challenging as some autistic children find it difficult to understand social cues and rules. However, it is important to note that autistic children often do want connection and friendships, even if they find social situations confusing or exhausting.
Children with ADHD, on the other hand, may struggle with attention, organisation, and impulse control. Parents might notice difficulties with homework, transitions, bedtime routines, or emotional outbursts. What many parents may not realise is that behaviours that look like “not listening,” “laziness,” or “defiance” are often linked to differences in the brain that affect regulation, attention, or sensory processing. Reframing these behaviours from “my child won’t” to “can’t yet” can transform how we respond to our children and how they see themselves.
Another key message is the importance of protecting self-esteem. Neurodivergent children often receive more correction than their peers, which can affect their confidence over time. Noticing their effort, celebrating their small wins, and avoiding shame-based language can make a significant difference.
Practical strategies can also be helpful supports. Using visual schedules, breaking tasks into smaller steps, preparing children for changes in advance, and supporting emotional regulation through calm connection are all approaches that can reduce stress for both the parent and child.
As with parenting any child, parenting a neurodivergent child can be deeply meaningful, while also bringing moments that feel intense, demanding, or overwhelming. Having the right information and support can make a significant difference.
This article was written by Diekololaoluwa Amujo, Psychology Assistant with the HSE Primary Care Child and Family Service, Limerick. This service is a member of Parenting Limerick.
