We often say that parenting is the most important job in the world. And sometimes it can feel like just that – a job! Over the last week we tried to imagine what a recruitment campaign for parents would look like. As you read through it, you may recognise some of the challenges (and rewards) that you face as a parent. It also reminds us how resilient and innovative we can be as we navigate our way through parenthood.
JOB DESCRIPTION
Challenging permanent position in often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent skills and be willing to work variable hours, including weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel, including trips to primitive camp sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away places. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties.
RESPONSIBILITIES
For the rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least until someone needs €5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Must possess physical stamina of pack mule and be able to do go from zero to 100km in 3 seconds in case the screams from the backyard are not just someone crying wolf. Must be willing to face technical challenges such as, small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate multiple homework projects. Must have the ability to organise social gatherings for clients of all ages and outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute and an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of half a million cheap, plastic toys and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, total accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION
Virtually none. You remain in the same position for years, without complaint, constantly retraining and updating your skills so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE
None required. All training on-the-job on a continually exhaustive basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION
You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. Balloon payment when they turn 18 in the hope that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them what is left. Strangely, you actually enjoy this reverse salary scheme and only wish you could do more.
BENEFITS
No health or dental insurance, no pension, no paid holidays. But this job supplies limited opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
This article was contributed by a member of Parenting Limerick.
