School is fundamental to maximising children’s potential and their ability to pursue new opportunities. Despite the many positive and rewarding outcomes of attending school, however, the prevalence of school-based anxiety and subsequent effects on school attendance remains high in Ireland. School-based anxiety is common among many children and young people, and can be experienced for a variety of reasons such as academic difficulties, social expectations, difficult relationships with peers and/or teachers, and so on. Parents and caregivers can often be faced with the dilemma of supporting their child’s wellbeing, while at the same time experiencing pressure to enforce attendance to maximise academic attainment.
School-based anxiety can present in a variety of ways for children. Some children may exhibit externalising behaviours, which are behaviours that can be observed. These can often be perceived as ‘unfavourable’ behaviours, such as aggressive or ‘defiant’ behaviour. On the other hand, some children can have internalising behaviours, which are behaviours that are directed inwards toward oneself, and reflects the child’s inner world of thoughts and emotions. Internalising behaviours can often be more difficult to notice and identify, and can include worry, rumination and social withdrawal. It is important to try to notice any patterns in your child’s behaviours. Much of this anxiety and related behaviours are typically more prevalent on weekday mornings or Sunday nights with the build-up ahead of school.
Why are some children and adolescents more likely to feel anxious?
There is really never one single cause as to why a child feels anxious. Some children are naturally more sensitive to emotions than others, similar to how some children are more sensitive to pollen in the air! These characteristics can sometimes be inherited genetic traits, or can be a symptom of different life events and experiences that have caused the child’s threat response in the brain to be more alert. Children also tend to look to their caregivers for clues on how to judge whether a situation is safe or not and can pick up on parents’ own sense of fear and anxiety in certain situations.
While worries are part of life and learning to deal with these challenges is important, sometimes these school-related worries can get so big, that they can lead to the child avoiding school altogether – and this can be a difficult cycle to break. As children’s brains are still developing during school-age, it is much more difficult for them to manage their anxiety and to regulate themselves when they experience an intense emotion. Therefore, children and young people benefit hugely from supportive adults in their life, who have a deeper understanding of their behaviour (internalising or externalising), and recognise the underlying emotional need. For example, noticing that your child has more frequent outbursts on Sunday evenings, and recognising this as potential anxiety about school on Monday. Children will benefit from their caregivers co-regulating with them during times of difficulty by providing them with opportunities to express their emotions and to feel heard and validated. After co-regulation, when your child becomes calm, you can then look to problem solve with your child.
Top Tips
Being With
Before jumping straight into problem-solving, it is important that you first ‘Be With’ your child when they are feeling anxious. This simply means co-regulating your child and allowing them to experience the difficult feeling in the safety of your presence. This might look like soothing them with cuddles, practicing breathing techniques, or giving them some space, depending on their preference. The main point is to communicate that you are there to support them with this difficult feeling and you will both get through it together.
Getting to the Root of the Anxiety
It is important to understand what is causing the anxiety for your child in order to support them most effectively.
Rational anxiety: If there is something causing your child difficulties in school, it is essential to address the underlying problem with the school and take practical steps to reduce the threat, for example, meeting with the teacher to discuss your child’s expressed academic struggles or experience of bullying.
Irrational anxiety: If there is no identifiable threat to your child in school, you can support them to challenge their unhelpful thoughts. After they express their thoughts or concerns, help them to figure out if this is a fact or a feeling for example, ‘I’m worried that my classmates don’t like me’. Encourage your child to look for evidence to show that their thought may not be 100% true, for example, ‘The girls at my table talk to me every day’, and praise them for every effort made to combat their fear.
Emotional Regulation
Practice relaxation techniques such as deep breathing or grounding exercises with your child on a regular basis. It is best to try to teach and re-enforce these skills with your child when you are both feeling calm. This will make them more accessible to you and your child at times when they are feeling anxious.
Graded Exposure
Your child may not feel ready to return to school straight away or may still experience some anxiety at the school gate. You can support them to return to school by developing a graded exposure plan, i.e., taking small steps to reach a bigger goal. This may mean starting with going to school for one hour per day, and gradually expanding into the full day.
For further guidance on school attendance issues, go to the resources page of www.limerickservices.ie and download “Working with your Child to Address School Avoidance”.
This article was written by Miranda Comar, Psychology Assistant and Aimee Walsh, Clinical Psychologist, with the Primary Care Child and Family Psychology Service, , Limerick. This service is a member of Parenting Limerick, a network of parenting and family support services across Limerick city and county.
