For better or worse, till death do us part, we’re in this together right? It takes two to make a baby, me and my hubbie, my IVF partner.
Mark, will you write a blog post for loveparenting.ie this week?
Not a chance.
Ok so I came armed with a pen and paper. Will you answer some questions instead?
How do you feel about doing IVF?
It’s so hard… It’s so hard to watch your wife having to inject herself and having scans. You’re so afraid of the outcome, of a cancelled cycle. Your life is at a stand still and it becomes a waiting game.
How did you feel when the tests came back and your sperm wasn’t the reason we weren’t getting pregnant?
I never thought of it like that and now I wish it was me with the fertility issues because then I wouldn’t have to watch you injecting yourself and getting prodded and poked every day during the IVF cycle.
How did you feel watching me inject myself with IVF drugs?
When you use to say you felt like a failure, I felt the same because I couldn’t protect you or take the pain away. When you cried, my heart ached. When your stomach was marked and bruised, my heart was.
How is it living with a wife that has to take so many IVF drugs?
You’re actually OK.
I’m telling you I’m less hormonal on the IVF drugs.
Was it different this time around?
Yes, after three days of the recent IVF cycle, all the emotions came back from all the previous failed IVF cycles. It felt like it was just yesterday we had our first failed attempt let alone our 9th. I had forgotten the feelings and it bought it all back up so that was hard. I remembered all the fails and the pain we went through and I was so nervous for that to happen again this time.
Were you more prepared?
Yes. I knew what to do and more importantly what not do, what not to say. I knew not to ask questions, I knew just to listen and when to give you space. I knew more about the steps and what to expect.
Any advice for other men going through IVF with their partners?
Always try to go to the clinic appointments, if you can. Always support your partner’s decisions, and most importantly always have a stash of chocolate on standby.
Don’t drink when your partner isn’t allowed to drink and don’t eat fast foods when they’re not allowed. Prepare to put your life on hold. You need to try to mirror your partner’s life. or there will be trouble.
And he said I wasn’t bad.
How did you feel when I was going down for egg retrieval?
Nervous. I didn’t want to leave until you were back up in the room, and I knew you were ok, but I had to go and give my sperm sample. It couldn’t have been at a worse time.
How did you feel when we got a negative result?
Heart broken and shocked at the same time because you try to be so positive through it all and then you see the test.
Mark used to take tests out of the bin and recheck; he actually asked me to redo this one too. I nearly hit him with the saucepan.
I knew the negative result meant it would start all over again.
How do you feel about doing it again?
I’ll support you as many times as you want to do it.
He’s forgetting about the cost!
How do you feel about me taking the killer cells test?
I don’t really get it.
I move on swiftly…
How do you feel about the frozen transfer?
Positive Beth was frozen…
All I could do was laugh.
I feel I don’t give my husband credit for all he’s been through. He supports every decision I make. He comforts me and holds me when I need him too. He’s my rock and I thank god he’s my IVF partner!
Do you have questions that you want to ask Denise? Or would like to show her your support? Feel free to comment below.
Want to see behind the scenes footage of Denise’s IVF journey? Follow her on Snapchat username: dephillipa or Facebook: MillionDollarBaby.
If you are affected by issues raised in this article or would like access to further information and support, please see contact information below.
Nurture Charity (counselling and support for fertility issues, depression in pregnancy, Post-natal depression, Traumatic Birth, Miscarriage and other related issues)
Initial contact is through the Dublin office, but counsellors are available in Limerick and other areas.
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