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Week 6: IVF Journey & Negative Results

Week 6: IVF Journey & Negative Results

Negative result!!! Where do I begin? I hold the test in my hand and my heart is actually broken. I sob in Marks arms. Every time I do this it actually gets harder. So near yet so far. Our dreams have just been taken away yet again. But you’ve “already got a baby”, “be grateful for what you have”. I know all this yet it doesn’t ease the pain .I cry… for myself for my family. I feel like I’ve wasted time, money and energy and I’ve nothing to show for it, expect a broken heart.

I wake up the next morning and I go to work and put on a happy strong face but Inside I’m heartbroken. My life continues: work mode, mammy mode, wife mode…

I don’t get a period so 7 days of bleeding is just a constant reminder of my failure.

The Clinic phone to tell me that, going forward, they would recommend a blood test as they think I have natural killers’ cells and as my grade A embryo with a perfect transfer didn’t succeed in a pregnancy it’s possible this is why I didn’t conceive.

What is wrong with me? Why me, why another obstacle? I’m not made of steel and feel like there is only so much of this I can take.

I’m well aware that the issues with getting pregnant and maintaining a pregnancy are to do with my body but to hear it put so bluntly, just brings me right back to the feelings of failure and self pity.

If the test comes back positive I vow to take extra drugs, steroids and God knows what else to  prevent a negative result again.

Also I must remind you that we need our frozen embryo to thaw out first so we can even have a transfer….

Right now me, my body and my mind are all up in air but I will come back fighting don’t worry. It’s just another step on our trip to the final destination.

Do you have questions that you want to ask Denise? Or would like to show her your support? Feel free to comment below. 

Want to see behind the scenes footage of Denise’s IVF journey? Follow her on Snapchat username: dephillipa or Facebook: MillionDollarBaby.

If you are affected by issues raised in this article or would like access to further information and support, please see contact information below.

National Infertility Support and Information Group
For NISIG Website Click Here
00353877975058 nisigireland@gmail.com

Image copyright of Gary O’Donnell click here to see other work

 

2 comments

  1. So sorry Hun. I’ve done two cycles this year, one miscarriage and one negative result, so unfortunately understand your pain and the need to plaster on a happy face and go to work. So hard. Whether you have a child or not (I don’t have any. Yet) I think that if you want one and there are challenges then it’s heartbreaking, no matter what. Best of luck with your frozen cycle xxx

  2. I am so sorry to hear you got negative, it is so heartbreaking after all you go through, I was in similar situation after second IUI I got pregnant but lasted only 9 weeks, we tried one more IUI before we moved on IVF Journey, went to Czech Rep and worked the first time so were so positive to try one more time for sibling for our beautiful little girl but unfortunately two frozen cycles didnt work at all so we opted for Fresh but mininimum stimulation treatment and it worked again. My clinic also gave me steroids to help body fight embryo implanting, so hopefully that is the question to your issue and soon you will be carrying your second miracle. Until now the whole conceiving process is total miracle for me, it is a real rollercoaster full of emotions, dissapointment, also happiness and appreciation of all the latest methods improving conceiving like embryo testing etc, I am entirely grateful to my IVF doctor to help me achieve my dream of having children ( two girls nearly 7 and nearly 5) so worth it , fingers crossed for you xx

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