Negative result!!! Where do I begin? I hold the test in my hand and my heart is actually broken. I sob in Marks arms. Every time I do this it actually gets harder. So near yet so far. Our dreams have just been taken away yet again. But you’ve “already got a baby”, “be grateful for what you have”. I know all this yet it doesn’t ease the pain .I cry… for myself for my family. I feel like I’ve wasted time, money and energy and I’ve nothing to show for it, expect a broken heart.
I wake up the next morning and I go to work and put on a happy strong face but Inside I’m heartbroken. My life continues: work mode, mammy mode, wife mode…
I don’t get a period so 7 days of bleeding is just a constant reminder of my failure.
The Clinic phone to tell me that, going forward, they would recommend a blood test as they think I have natural killers’ cells and as my grade A embryo with a perfect transfer didn’t succeed in a pregnancy it’s possible this is why I didn’t conceive.
What is wrong with me? Why me, why another obstacle? I’m not made of steel and feel like there is only so much of this I can take.
I’m well aware that the issues with getting pregnant and maintaining a pregnancy are to do with my body but to hear it put so bluntly, just brings me right back to the feelings of failure and self pity.
If the test comes back positive I vow to take extra drugs, steroids and God knows what else to prevent a negative result again.
Also I must remind you that we need our frozen embryo to thaw out first so we can even have a transfer….
Right now me, my body and my mind are all up in air but I will come back fighting don’t worry. It’s just another step on our trip to the final destination.
Do you have questions that you want to ask Denise? Or would like to show her your support? Feel free to comment below.
Want to see behind the scenes footage of Denise’s IVF journey? Follow her on Snapchat username: dephillipa or Facebook: MillionDollarBaby.
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